DH did nothing for my 50th

[Apple04]

Just back from my birthday weekend and just realised how sad I am yet another happy occasion has been ruined. DH moaning constantly and did absolutely nothing for me. My sister organised cake, balloon, flowers, presents. All I got from DH was a card. He’s claiming he was too busy to get anything sorted. My parents (80s) seemed very annoyed with him too. He’s from a family of moaning, miserable people but he knows I love spending time with my family who are the opposite (happy, fun). It’s made me really sad and questioning our future. He’s generally miserable at home too, moaning all the time. I’m working up to telling him if he doesn’t change I’m going to leave. It’s also his 50th soon, is it childish to do absolutely nothing in return?

Oh please don't settle for another 30+ years of this man with the personality of a Harry Potter style dementor. You'll be cutting his toenails and pulling his socks on before you know whats hit you.

Don't waste anymore time, use this big milestone bday as the turning point in your life.

Too busy! What an excuse.

thank God for your sister making your birthday a bit brighter, that should have been your dh’s job,

many years ago my dh bought me a crap box of chocolates that I don’t even like on the Saturday night before mothers day , I kept them and gave them back to him for Father’s Day, ,petty I know, but his present buying has been so much better since then.

put in the same effort he makes for you.

Why is he with you if he doesn’t care about you?

Why are you with him?

If he's a victor meldrew now, he's going to get worse OP. Give him divorce papers for his 50th and start your 50s positively.

Give him divorce papers for his birthday.

Leave him op. He is not making you happy and is comfortable ruining special occasions for you. He won’t get any better.

Time to ponder what he actually brings to your relationship and life and for sure tell him you are doing that. Doesn't sound from your post an awful lot of positivity or fun. Would you be happier going it alone? You may well be, without listening to someone complain all the time can not be great to live with.

Pleased your own family are fun and thoughtful and happy 50th! :-)

Agree. Save yourself from another couple of decades or more of this. Sounds miserable af.

Definitely don’t do anything for his birthday and then say, oh no I was so busy I didn’t get time! And then don’t say anything further. Let him stew on that. So angry on your behalf! 😡

Celebrate his birthday by embarking on a sustained bout of moaning. The weather, the price of fish, twice monthly black bin collections, incorrect organising of fridge, colour of the kitchen cabinets, no one in the world being able to park. Don't buy him a present and buy one of those really awful, flimsy birthday cards. Edited to add, maybe think about whether you want to endure another birthday with him.

Im in camp he gave you the gift of clarity on who and what he is. LTB.

For his 50th hand him a card and say you clearly don’t really “do” birthdays sweetheart so not to make you feel uncomfortable

if you do anymore out of guilt then that’s on you

I don't blame her. I just meant it sounds like him not bothering with her birthday isnt the only thing making her unhappy in the relationship.

Exactly this! Why on earth would anyone suggest that the OP put a huge amount of time and effort into his 50th “to show him what he should have done”? He knows what he should have done for fucks sake. He just doesn’t care.

OP, give yourself the best 50th gift by exiting stage left and make like Shirley Valentine! Enjoy the rest of your life! Bon chance 💪🏼🙌🏼🎉

I had the same on my 50th.

I met my partner when I'd just turned 41, and I'd spent 9 years saying I wanted my 50th to be better than my 40th - I'd spent that fighting with my ex, who couldn't be arsed to see me on that day. My parents were shit with birthdays, my narc mother called me a 'bitch' on my 11th (my 2 brothers to this day say I'd given her no reason to do so). Both my 18th and 21st were complete non-events so having a good day on my birthday is still important to me.

During those 9 years my partner would often say that we'd go away to my favourite Greek island for my 50th...the day after my 49th I suggested we book so we'd have the full year to pay it off - I was going to pay half. Every month on payday I'd hear 'do it next month'...until it was too late.

The actual day of my 50th was terrible. His idea of a 'treat' was breakfast at the roughest Whetherspoons in Manchester City Centre. I'd booked a nice hotel in Chester for the night of...we ended up on the wrong train (he'd insisted it was the right one), I was so stressed that it set off severe toothache, he spent the rest of the day getting drunk and that was it. My present was him paying half of a £30 ring I'd got off eBay. I didn't even get a card...

His 50th was 2 years later, during Covid lockdown. I did fuck all for it. That was 5 years ago and I still don't do anything for it. For my own birthday, I go away on my own.

OP, the kind of person your H is won't change. You said his family are the same. Miserable moaners suck the life out of others. I imagine you have suffered years of it too.

You don't mention your circumstances and whether you have kids etc. But it does seem as if you doing the same on his birthday is really the very least you should do.

I would very seriously be considering divorce. Not for the lack of effort over your birthday either, but rather for the remainder of your life. You could give yourself the best gift by leaving this morose man behind you.

Maybe it feels a step too far for you, but men like this never look inward and change. It will only get worse.

Are you still with him @FreeRider

Yes. It's a LAT situation, he works/lives in another city, I see him on average a couple of times a month and we go on a couple of holidays abroad every year, spent Christmas together etc. I'm 58 this year, am physically and mentally disabled and have zero desire to ever live with a man full-time again...unless/until my health deteriorates to the point living alone is not an option. I have no family in the UK.

Why, seriously why carry on with this in any sense whatsoever. It’s rotten to the core

Because I have no family that give a damn about me and also have no desire to be left completely on my own. I have very little to offer, and from what I've read on here, dating for women over 50 is beyond dire anyway. I'm happy with the arrangement I have, like I've said I don't want a man in my space 24/7.

No one is worth more than this man and carrying on with something that is dead.

Oh no I wasn't saying you were blaming her far from it op life with him sounds draining and miserable and that without the birthday no effort given.

No one is too busy to order a gift online. You’re not a priority for him.

Then to top it off, he’s a whinging fucker??!

Don’t waste the next few decades tolerating this behaviour. There’s no way you want to be lumped with him as he becomes decrepit!!

You’re too young to have this be the rest of your life. Get rid.

Do nothing for his 50th and leave him and enjoy the other half of your life with joyful People there’s no need to be dragged down by soemome
like him