AIBU to not have had a night away from my children?

[Moreroardinosaur]

The reason I’m asking is because a colleague is away for the weekend. She came back to work in January after having a baby, so her DD is around 16/17 months now. She also mentioned she had a weekend away in February.

My DS is now five and I have a two year old as well. I’ve yet to have a night away as DD still doesn’t sleep through and I’m not sure DH would wake up / be able to sort her (she can be a bit funny overnight.) Is it just me?

I had gone crazy if dh couldn't do a night without me. I haven't been a lot away but once in a while.

Perhaps it's time you did then. I'm sure your DH would cope.

I had my first night away when DD was 7 months. DH was more than capable. We have 2 DDs now, and I have been away when they were similar ages to yours. Your DH needs to get a grip!

Why doesnt DH get up?

What do you want? A medal! Don't be a martyr.

YANBU if you don't think that would work for you.
Colleague is not being unreasonable if she left her child with someone that cared for them, to have a night or w/e away.
There isnt a right or wrong answer.

Fwiw, i went away for a week when DC were 4 and 1, and the 4 year old didnt sleep through the night.

It’s fine if you don’t want time away. But it’s very, very odd that the children’s own father can’t be trusted to look after them (whether that’s because of anxiety from you or incompetence from him)

Don’t martyr yourself. Your DH and your child/ren will cope.

Probably happy to see you back, and maybe not everything will be done as you would do it. But they’ll be fine.

Dont infantile your DH either. He’s their father. Let him act like one.

I didn't have a night away from ds until he was five, but I didn't want one so I didn't feel deprived.

Do you want a night away?

Honestly baffles me why so many women choose to have children with men who are incapable of looking after them.

I’m not sure DH would wake up

You're probably right, why would he?

He has never had chance to be the primary caregiver because you've never let him; (she can be a bit funny overnight.) translates to i'll do it all

Honestly this isn't something you should be pleased with. Your children have two parents and if you heaven forbid got hit by a bus tomorrow he would have to step up. I would recommend getting away for a night ASAP.

Sure for one thing I was in hospital for four nights with my second. My DH handled it fine!

Exactly and it baffles me why anyone has sympathy for them. It’s a choice.

16/17 months is fine to be away from your baby for a night…its wierd you are judging your colleague.

I didn't want a night away from from my DS so it wasn't an issue for me. My first DS died at 3 weeks so I was exceptionally not wanting to be separated from my second DS when he was tiny even though I knew my H could cope and be a loving and responsible Dad.
It all depends on how you feel OP.

Other than being in hospital pregnant with DD2 I didn’t have a night away from my DCs until they were 10 and 8. The only time my DH look d after them alone at night was when they were 14 and 12. I went away for work for 3 nights.
DH on the other hand had regular 3 night fishing trips from when DD1 was 4 weeks old 🤷‍♀️

I suspect your colleague has a more capable support network, which enables her to go away and do things that interest her outside of being a mother. You should be applauding that, even if it’s not something you’d want to do.

Well you must do what makes you happy but I do find it unusual that you’ve never left your children or been away in the last 5 years. Particularly for the reasons you’ve given. Some people do this as a very deliberate choice. They choose not to t stay away from their children. That is fine. It’s a bit odd in my book but it’s fine. Lone parents also, may not have the opportunity to leave their children and that is a different scenario. The fact that you appear to have not left your children because you can’t trust their father to care for them adequately is not a good look.

Sounds miserable.

Its not unreasonable if you've never wanted a night away.
I'm curious to know if the unreliable dad has ever had a night away.

I’d have been demented. Surely in all that time you’d have wanted a night away with your husband or mates?

I have a 2yr old and 10m old. I have never had a night away from them, doesn’t mean I don’t want one though!

Did your children not have sleepovers, go on residentials, stay with relatives or camps before then? I find it incredibly unusual to have never slept away from them once in a decade.