AIBU to not have had a night away from my children?

[Moreroardinosaur]

The reason I’m asking is because a colleague is away for the weekend. She came back to work in January after having a baby, so her DD is around 16/17 months now. She also mentioned she had a weekend away in February.

My DS is now five and I have a two year old as well. I’ve yet to have a night away as DD still doesn’t sleep through and I’m not sure DH would wake up / be able to sort her (she can be a bit funny overnight.) Is it just me?

"Not sure DH would cope "

ffs women. We are the worst

It doesn’t really solve the problem of her not wanting him though.

I find it so mad. I BF for years so was very hands on but still on occasion left my kids with their Dad overnight for normal adult nights away demands. I’d feel I’d failed if I’d picked another parent who couldn’t parent.

My closest friends live away so I visit them, DH happy to look after DC as he works away sometimes so fair. I do night shifts at times so am away anyway, all fine.

It's important to get some time off and away on your own IMO.

I think she must have a more competent baby dad or less of a martyr complex!
the question is do you want to go away? Not everyone does. If you want to then Yabu for not going

I was similar. I breastfed mine until he was 23 months, and coslept for most of his life. I left him for one night at 24 months where my DH had him. I was (am) pregnant, and felt we were all ready for the one night break.

On the flipside my very very close friend, regularly goes for weekends away and her mother minds her now 4year old. She was away in a different country for 3 nights for a hen party when her son was just 2 months old.

Each to their own.

i am very sorry for your loss 💐

Each to there own but I don’t think it beneficial for kids to be so dependent and only used to one person

I think a lot of the time it’s about the parent rather than the kid they like to create a dependency to make them an indispensable martyr

Ah, but you can’t know until you are a parent and it’s a bit late then; you can’t return them!

Seriously, I thought we’d be pretty equal. There is actually a thread knocking around here I posted about a month before I had ds and I re read it sometimes and smile ruefully at my naivety. You think you know but sometimes you just don’t.

I'm going to be honest I feel like your responses are an attempt to convince yourself it's not been possible so that's why you've never done it. I suspect however if you did you'd find they both coped fine because they know you're not there and you won't be able to jump in to fix it so he would do it and whilst it wouldn't be the same as you doing it it would still be fine.

It actually shows how little he cares about you and your needs that he won't even step up to try and persevere through a bit of grumpiness.

it will be much easier for your kids and your husband if they are used to doing it before an emergency happens

@Roads i am sure it would be possible in the sense that I could do it, it’s just that honestly it would be pretty miserable for both children and for DH. To add to the problem, he’s also done himself an injury of some sort and is in a lot of pain (it’s been ongoing for a few months) so I guess I feel like now isn’t the time to be making a stand. Obviously that’s a bit of a drip feed but in fairness I didn’t exactly start the thread with a view to having a night away any time soon, I was just idly interested in others’ lives!

My DH cured me of this by getting me a spa visit at a lovely hotel for Mother’s Day this year when my LO was 5-months-old. Then told me he’d booked me dinner and a room there for the night and he’d pick me up the next day. I had no clean clothes or even a toothbrush 😂.

Super-lovely gesture - really didn’t enjoy being away from her for Mother’s Day but, bless him, he tried. He looked after her all night, and they were absolutely, almost insultingly fine. Even though he’s recovering from a major stroke and she can get fussy 🤷‍♀️

Having just seen the other thread about the man berating his wife for not being more grateful that he’d held his kid for 25 minutes, I can only shake my head at this one. How will your DH ever step up and parent if you don’t go away and let him?

My son is the same. In fact he's upstairs now screaming because his Dad is putting him to bed... but I'm 8 months pregnant and they both need to bloody get used to it.

I have been like you... just doing it myself because it's quicker, easier, nobody gets worked up, DH isn't cranky. But actually if I had made him do more earlier on, I think they would actually be better off because DS wouldn't be so used to me doing it all.

Do you not worry about having no life when your redundant when the start growing up and naturally pull away from you

It's such a personal thing and there's no right or wrong. Lots of women being very judgemental on this thread towards those who have never been away, but there is no "normal", it's whatever works for you and your family.

A lot of what you have said reasonates with me OP, I have never felt able to have a night away because my youngest always wants me overnight, but that doesn't really bother me because I've never wanted a night away anyway so it's all good.

and she never will if you don't gently help her to.

I had a pretty shitty upbringing with 2 parents that weren’t hands on emotionally so I was very selective about not picking a husband who would be like that.

DH was hands on from the instant our first was born, that was really important to me. I knew before we had kids that he’d be hands on because he was really into kids. That is pretty culturally common around here among my friends, it really is 50/50 parenting among my peers.

We always took turns with bedtime and getting up in the night so our kids were always happy to go to either of us. Yes, when they were very small babies they probably had a preference for mum but DH was very hands on and spent plenty of time looking after them on his own so by the time they were toddlers we were interchangeable. I can't imagine not being able to leave my kids with their own father!

YABU.

No because they can’t see that far ahead. These are the women who also either have no friends or are only friends with the parents of their children’s friends. They have no life outside their tiny world and then get so confused why they are friendless or are having a Divorce when the children have all moved out

DD is 6. I didn’t have nights away when she was small because it was during Covid, but since then I usually have a couple of long weekends (Fri and Sat) visiting / away with friends every year, as well as the occasional night away. DH is more than capable, and I do the same in return when he goes away with his friends.

Yes. Some women want to be irreplaceable. They make themselves irreplaceable to their small children. Then they can never do anything.

Mine are 6 and 3 and I've never had a night away. But I've never understood why "nights away" are such a big deal for adults. I loved a sleepover when I was a child, but as an adult, unless I'm away on a proper holiday, I want to be in my own comfy bed!
DH and I both have nights out, together or separately. And we've been on family holidays in the UK and abroad, but the faff of going to another city for one night of crap sleep in a strange bed just doesn't appeal to me. Even before having kids I never really saw the point.
But for some people that's the dream! Each to their own!

It’s just fucking dismal, isn’t it?