What number?

[coulditbeme2323]

Following on from a discussion with a friend in real life.

What figure would you check with your husband/wife before spending?

Obviously this is going to vary on stage of life, earnings etc etc.

You haven't explained, though. You've backtracked because you realised you haven't got a leg to stand on.

I don't think being married and any legal implications that has influences day to day spending or indeed spending on big purchases. DP and I have been together 30 years, joint finances, joint mortgage, kids etc and I'd run a purchase of over around £200 past him (not that I'd need his permission....). If we got married that wouldn't change.

I really am not, but you seem very upset, so lets move on.

I am not sure how clearer I can be!

no people are not more likely to consult their partner just because they’re married… if you hang around here long enough, you’ll see plenty of issues arise between spouses when it comes to money. And in fact, financial issues are one of the main reasons for a divorce aside from adultery. So it’s really a morality thing that you’re trying to describe here. If someone has no morals then it doesn’t matter whether they’re married or not.

It's the item/activity rather than the sum. Depends if it needs a joint decision or not. If its unarguably good for the kids or family we just buy it. If its something small for personal use we just spend it but then we don't have a lot of personal spending. I don't think either of us would buy something expensive for ourselves.

I think the amount is irrelevant, for me it's the nature of the spend. DH and I retain the same amount of money each month for personal spends then put everything above that into the joint current and savings accounts.

I'm not going to consult him about anything I'm buying from my own funds (I'm currently saving for something that costs £8k for example).

Anything he or I think we should buy from the joint current account or joint savings that's beyond the regular household running costs, we would get the other's opinion on e.g. a new sofa, a weekend away etc

It's not so much about the cost for us, it's more about if it's a need vs want... Needs are fine, however much they cost... but for wants - we tend to run all of them by one another!

Makes sense.

Not in the sort of day to day domestics sense you're talking about in which people decide for themselves whether money is joint so decisions need to be joint or whether each has autonomy. The law doesn't say anything about this.
Also the law doesn't always make a difference between married and unmarried people. Try telling the DWP you need to claim because you have seperate finances because you're not married, and see how far you get.

I wouldn't know where to start!

Joint account but generally check big purchases/holidays with friends etc.

We have general chats about birthday/Christmas gifts for the DC.

Yeah about the same as me and my husband really

Separate accounts so I wouldn't check with anyone.

I spent £600 on an educational course and never mentioned the cost. He buys fishing gear and I never question it.

Not even out of respect?

The DWP, under the law, treats couples as having shared finances regardless of whether they are married. So if one partner loses their job, they can't claim benefits if their partner earns over the threshold because the money is assumed to be pooled. It was just to illustrate that the law doesn't draw the hard line you suggest.

We only discuss costs for big household things or work to the house. We don't discuss our personal spending

I don’t check anything with my DH that I use my own money for, and he doesn’t check with me either.
If there was something needed for the house or one of the children then we would discuss it but otherwise I have no idea how much money he has as he puts a set amount in the joint account to cover bills etc plus extra for the children as he’s a higher earner and he has no idea what I have in my own accounts either .
The reason I went back to work after each of the children was so that I had my own money to spend as I wanted to.

No. What respect? It's my own money that I earn.
Is he supposed to ask me for permission to spend his own money?

I suppose the difference is we look at it like a pot.

We have separate finances. We don't check with each other, it's one of the benefits of having separate finances.

I've been.married over 40 years and we have never discussed or questioned each others personal spending. We don't keep our finances secret . We know how much we have in our separate current and savings accounts and we discuss issues like changing to higher interest accounts etc but we have never had discussions about how much we spend individually. We are both responsible adults we keep in credit in our current accounts and don't see the need to discuss how much we each are spending. I think we would both hate that.

Im an adult with my own money, I dont need to ask permission to spend my own money.
Same as going out I'll tell you im going out but I dont need permission.

I guess it would help if you explained the relevance of the link to how much one member of a couple spends

I have done that.