What number?

[coulditbeme2323]

Following on from a discussion with a friend in real life.

What figure would you check with your husband/wife before spending?

Obviously this is going to vary on stage of life, earnings etc etc.

Previous poster has kindly offered you a link to the financial benefits of marriage.
How about you educate yourself and read it instead of demanding another poster does that for you?

Me and DH share finances completely.

We don't really have an agreed upon amount that we check with each other.

I guess it'd be anything over a couple of hundred pounds. But that'd be mainly to make sure we don't both do big purchases at the same time and end up overdrawn😂

I'm weird about spending money on myself so I always ask DH if I'm 'allowed' to buy something luxurious for myself and what my budget is. I absolutely don't need to ask him and he used to get pretty pissed off about me asking. But I feel better - like I can let myself do it - if I have his permission. So he plays along. There isn't really an amount for this, its more that it'd be unnecessary or luxury things even if that only comes to £30.

None. As with a few posters, my DH and I have separate bank accounts so as long as our joint bills are taken care of (mortgage etc, we pay half each) we can spend our money how we like. We both earn equally the same and earn a decent amount so works for us.

Same as this for me, we have joint savings but have always earned similar amounts so no need to discuss how I spend what’s leftover once bills have been paid. We probably do discuss big purchases more from an interest perspective e.g., DH might mention something he’s been looking at but wouldn’t need ‘permission’ to buy it, neither would I.

Like…

What legal implications of marriage dictate the manner in which each partner spends their own salary, then? Explain to me what you think would change in my relationship if, after 23 years of cohabiting, we decided to get married? We already jointly own property in both our names and we are the sole beneficiaries of each other's wills and are listed as each other's next of kin for medical purposes.

Please tell me why you think, if we got married, we'd need to change the way we spend our money?

I am not posting the link 3 times!

Please read the thread!

None of which would require the couple to have joint bank accounts or consult each other about spending.

And that isn't what I am suggesting!

We don't have shared finances in the sense that we don't have a joint bank account or other financial assets. My DH is by far and away the higher earner - he earns more than four times what I do - and although our finances aren't physically joined, they're shared (whether people think I'm a female cocklodger or not is beside the point - it works for us!).

Our 'fun' money is ours alone and neither would question how the other spends it. There is no set figure, but I think we'd each be a bit peeved if the other hit up savings, a credit card, or any kind of credit purchase for £1000 without a discussion (which might be as simple as "I was looking at X - will I just order it?"

But not everyone could benefit and many would be disadvantaged by being married. If DP and I were married and then divorced, I'd lose out because I have more savings than he does, a far more valuable pension and neither of us would benefit from any of the tax advantages.

But that link doesn’t answer the question. It tells you if tax benefits it tells you of what you’re legally entitled to should you separate or die? Again, I ask you in terms of money management how was it different for a married couple? They are not legally obliged to tell each other anything about finances.

No they aren't legally obliged. I quite agree, and am not suggesting otherwise.

So what are you suggesting?

Totally shared finances, I'm the only one who looks at the bank account, he spends until I say stop, you need to wait a bit, he loves gadgets, tools, DIY. Anything above approx £100 is mentioned, neither one of us wants to take the piss. Yes it's difficult for him to suprise me, but compared to some of the horror stories on here I think it's a small price to pay. No control on my part, just that one of us has to be sensible and keep track of the spending.
Edited to add, this also worked for us before we were married, when we decided to share a home we also shared a bank account.

I have a husband and same as above.

It depends what it was being spent on. I wouldn’t just go out and buy a new sofa or book a holiday for example without discussing it.
But if I wanted to spend money on something for myself with my money and was still able to pay my way with bills, I wouldn’t discuss it with him.
Neither of us are frivolous anyway so it’s not really something that happens

I have read the thread and you still haven't answered the question. You've posted a link which explains the financial and legal aspects of marriage.

But none of those actually have any bearing on whether the couple have to consult each other before spending the money they earn, which was your question, and which I answered. Nobody is denying that there are legal implications to marriage. They are simply pointing out that those legal implications are irrelevant to your question (and therefore to my answer).

True, but I'm not sure it does (or even should) influence the question of whether you ask first before spending "a lot" (however you define that), which is more to do with a mutual understanding of fair play.

My point wasn't that being married meant there was a legal obligation to tell each other what you are spending, I mean clearly that's absurd.

My point was that married couples may be more likely to do so, because of the "legal" financial links that come with marriage.

I think people have taken offence because they thought I was suggesting being partners was inferior.

I wasn't suggesting that at all, just making the point that legally things are different when married.

We aren’t married but have joint finances. For us, it’s mostly not an amount, but what it’s being spent on. We would both spend whatever we liked on clothes, jewellery etc, but we’d have a discussion before buying purchases for the house like a TV, dishwasher, I might even mention a new duvet set. Things that we’d both use, we’d speak about, not in an asking for permission way, just to be courteous.

Then why did you tell me that my choices around consulting each other over spending are different for me because I'm not married?

I have tried to explain above.

Legally, SOME things are different when married.

But NOT the thing you asked a question about. So it's fucking weird that you're obsessing over it.