What number?

[coulditbeme2323]

Following on from a discussion with a friend in real life.

What figure would you check with your husband/wife before spending?

Obviously this is going to vary on stage of life, earnings etc etc.

Anything over £100 probably out of joint account as that is generally for bills and food. I'd tell him as we'd probably both need to pay in as it may leave us short.

Out of my own account I wouldn't say anything if it was an amount I could afford by myself, and neither would he with his, and it would only be bigger items like holidays, work on the house, work on the car, new appliances we'd both contribute to that I'd get his approval or he would get mine to the spend first (though I just told him we were having a new (additional) freezer recently as I was paying for it, measured up and it fitted and I'm the one who will use it, mostly!) I earn a good deal more than him though these days and pay for more things. I also didn't get his consent before buying myself a car when I was 40 on a payment plan, as I could afford it by myself. I did get him to come and have a look when I was test driving though, as a second opinion, and he thought it was a good choice and deal. I also let him drive my car! He loved it.

Lol

I have no idea tbh.
A few weeks ago I spent thousands on a new bike and then a few hundred on accessories. I did say that I was researching getting a new bike though.

I bought a new car last year for £27k while dh was away. I had been dithering about getting one.

I lent ds 80k without telling dh. Ds paid me exactly when he said he would.
So I dont know when I would have to consult dh, maybe if I went to buy another house?

Not if you live together it isn't.

Legally it is.

We have seperate finances, so don't check as such. If I am buying something over a few hundred then I will probably ask him if he thinks its a good deal or whatever but I don't need his permission. We tend to talk over household/joint purchases regardless of who is paying for them - just to agree on what we want as much as anything else.

I honestly think it makes no difference now that me and DH are married how we spend our money! It would matter what assets we have should we divorce but I spend the same as before I got married! I had kids with him before I married him and we never changed our finances. Yes the law is better in terms of protection should we separate but I still don’t ask him before I spend my money! I know what he spends when I bring his parcels in 🤣 not sure I’d fight over his golf clubs he keeps buying in any divorce…. maybe leverage to keep my pension!!

We have separate bank accounts, and pay an amount each into joint account for bills.

I wouldn’t ever consult my Husband before spending any amount from my own bank account, however expensive it was.

I’m not married. I am in a civil partnership. He is not my husband. He is my partner. Same legal protection, etc.
DP does not necessarily mean no legal implications.

Our agreement is $500.

Am the breadwinner, and I would check any amount really, apart from the obvious expenditure on food, petrol, other bills.

I'm married, having lived with DH for eight years before we married.

Our finances are separate and we both contribute proportionately to bills and expenses.

We have our own money to spend as we please. Anything for the house comes out of one of the joint accounts and we do not ask each other for permission. Where we do consult is on large purchases like sofas. But even then we are not saying let's spend £1500 on a sofa and then one person buys it. The whole process is a consultation from cost to colour and fancy additions.

Nothing has changed in our spending habits since we got married.

We are legally protected and can inherit from each other etc but how we spend our money and the processes we use to set our annual and monthly budgets hasn't changed in 10 years.

😂

Nobody! I earn my own money, I pay half the bills, we're both working to the same financial goals, both responsible adults.

What difference does it make if I spend £10 a week on lunch vs £500 a Dyson airwrap? Presumably the lovely husband in charge question only has a problem because he has a judgement that the money hasn't been, in his opinion, well spent.

It depends how skint we are. Near the end of the month, we might say ‘hey, do you mind if I buy xxx thing I need?’ or ‘can you buy xxx thing for me?’ Not married, but know everything about each others pay/finances and all the legal stuff - house, pensions, savings, DDs (his step DD) inheritance - is covered in our wills. He had more savings than me (from an inheritance) so he just gave half to me to balance it out.

I mean each to their own, but I wouldn't go out and spend 40grand on a Rolex without talking to my husband.

I don't view that as him being in charge, just a sign of respect.

I think it depends on whether the purchase is part of our standard budget and/or functionally necessary or not. So I wouldn't "check" with him before spending £250 in the supermarket, or for example when the kids had a simultaneous growth spurt and needed new clothes and new coats I think I spent like £400 at Boden in one go and didn't mention it.

But I'd probably have a quick chat about a non standard purchase just to make sure we were on the same page about it or if he's got a difference of opinion. He's the same with me. It's not a set amount per se though.

You would if you had 4 million I the bank.

But we can make up airy fairy hypothetical all day long as you've given no specifics on whst your wife has spent rhe money on (again, I know you say "friend" and "husband" but it reads far more like a domineering Big Man In Charge point of view if I'm honest.

Not at all, my husband is the sole earner, and doesn't expect me to ask at all.

But by the same token if either have us want a new car, we are going to talk about it.

We aren't just going to come home in a new Range Rover. For me that would be weird.

But I know neither of us would do that because we don't have that sort of money and we aren't particularly materialist but if we could afford it and one of us wanted it I don't see the issue. Why is it respect.
I spend far more on myself and my hobbies than my husband spends on himself I have never felt the need to discuss it with him and he has never suggested that I should.
I think it's more respectful to trust each other

Married, have joint and separate finances and would discuss on anything over £1,000, but may still go ahead if there was not 100% agreement. Over £5,000 I think you would both have to be keen on the purchase.

I am not sure it's about trust, I just can't imagine either of us making any huge purchases without talking about it.

He gets consulted when it's for something that'll affect him. Like a new washing machine, bed, etc. Anything small like cushions there's no discussion unless I want his opinion.

It really really isn't for day to day living. As others have said, it only makes a difference for all the tax and inheritance benefits that you keep linking to, and/or if you get divorced. Not for how you manage your routine spending.

You have zero evidence for your claim that married couples are more likely to discuss than cohabiting ones. You just think they do based on your own relationship.

I spent 29k on my car and I told him…but it wasnt to ask permission. Nor was it out of respect, it’s my money.

Fair enough