How many people have you slept with?

[Fearlesssloth]

…and do you lie about it? I’m late 30s, 4 or 5 relationships, most 1-2 years, been married now for 6 years. I’ve slept with around 50 people (I know cos I made a list once!) Only 1 or 2 were ‘true’ one night stands. I know that’s a lot but I refuse to be ashamed of it, I had a lot of fun in my youth. When I was dating before my husband I never admitted it to anyone I was dating. I’d always say less than 10. So how many people have you slept with and do you freely admit it or do you reduce the number a lot if asked by people you’re dating or were dating before if you’re in a relationship? And how do you feel about the number?

So, what's your point, exactly...?
🤔

I’d be interested to know if people would feel differently about a woman who’d slept with 50 men and a gay woman who’d slept with 50 women? I have a friend who’s ’body count’ is similar to mine but she’s a lesbian and quite proud of it and would never dream of lying about it. IF you do have a bit of judgement about a woman who has slept with a high number of men (which is kinda normal - thanks patriarchy) how would you feel about a woman who’d slept with a similar number of women?

Abused as a child.

There I've said it. Late 50s now, never kept count but alone now. Maybe my expectations are unrealistic or I just haven't met him yet!
I've worked hard to forgive myself and find some sort of peace with it. Its a daily thing that I work on.

3 fabulous kids now grown, living their own lives. Divorced.
Would never discuss body count with partners or kids !
Definitely don't recommend casual encounters as a past time, though many do advocate FWBs, its not something that I'm comfortable with because I just end up feeling used.
Have a chap thst is here 6 months of the year. Always up for socialising with inevitable ONS. Been like this on repeat since covid - when we bubbled.
I've distanced myself recently from our 3- 4 yearly fumbles.
Sad really because I want connection but I also value my own time and space and can think of nothing worse than full time compromising over little things.
He offers wining , no dining and s*x! Nothing else, no outings - zilch
Anyway, thats clarified my position and been quite cathartic!
Thanks if you've made it this far. Apologies if I strayed from the original point.

Thank you for sharing and I'm so sorry that happened to you.

Those of us with that particular type of adverse childhood experience absolutely will have had our approach to sex and relationships affected. I'm in my mid 40s and still have problems in the area. You're not alone.

3 and nearly 40 years old
1st one beat the crap out of me for years, second one died and third one I’m married too.

Its so damaging, hard to to frame sexual encounters in relation to it. I've tried - believe me!
I'm too full on, no boundaries, great for most men but ultimately makes me d*e a little inside and the respect goes.
I dont know how to behave with men its either full on or sexless and distant.
I'm happy to sit this one out now. Love to see loved up couples but it really isn't for me.
Maybe if the right man comes along but can't see it .

I am exactly the same. At the beginning of a relationship I'm hyper sexual and 'too much', then most of my relationshios end when I can no longer bear to be touched by them. I always found ONS easier because it seems to me the problem is caused when emotions and sex go together, like I had to separate them as a child and now as an adult I can't join them back up. I've had so much therapy, but it never changed.

I'm sorry if this has hit a nerve. Some people can happily have ONS but I've still got this romanticised idea of a happily ever after - contrasted with the idea all men are potential serial killers!
I think I need to accept the reality of whats available and not worry too much.
Its difficult being older and single, life is designed for couples unless you're financially solvent.And I'm not !
In my experiences historic abuse messes with teen years when women are consolidating education and careers.
I did go back and get my education but by then life had happened and finding time to work on myself and commit to a new relationship has somewhat passed.
If ONS works for you then thats great!

Not that its any excuse but I was drunk when we slept together. Had I been sober, it never would've happened.

Our whole friend group knew he was off, he never exactly hid it per se but it was still a surprise to find out he did it - all because she was pregnant.
It actually gets worse than that but I cant say why because it would be quite outing as it made the news so would be an easy google search.

He and I grew up together so I've struggled to come to terms with who he became as opposed to who I rode bikes and played football with.

Crikey! Think you always have to think that everyone has agency.
Coming to terms with some events is such a struggle. Not like we can just edit or delete.

Im 41.

Ive slept with about 35 people.

And if anyone asked me, id openly tell them. I have nothing to be ashamed of.

The only way men could guarantee women weren't talking about their bodies or women could guarantee men weren't talking about their bodies would be to never go out anywhere, ever, let alone have sex with anyone.
Some people just have no class, but I don't see that as a good reason to live like a maiden aunt.

Genuinely no idea. Not less than 10, and I don’t think more that 25. Zero interest in going through my memory to count them up. I used to know but have long since forgotten. Can’t remember if I ever told DH, my number was higher than his, and he knows that. In my 50s and married for 20 years, so it’s a lifetime ago. Was never embarrassed and it was the 90s…

Absolutely! I was also DH first. We like it this way. We see nothing wrong with it.

I always remember in school, other girls would ask why I would want to be in a relationship when I could sleep with lots of people because if I didn't I would never know what I would like sexually! Looking back, it shocks me girls were talking like that at under 16 and thats 20 plus years ago.

Your dammed if you sleep with 1 and dammed if you sleep with "too many".

I posted early on on this thread.

The number has increased significantly since then.

Obvs
😎

I estimate my total was about 35, (including a few one night stands) lost my virginity at 16 and was very active between the ages of 19 and 22 especially, but then met my husband and that was 30+ years ago. I told him my history. I don't discuss the number with anyone but if it crops up I do say I got around a bit 😂

10, I’m 40. Most of them were in my late teens early 20s.

Why should they know? Anything that happens before you meet is irrelevant.

There is a lot of misogyny, double standards and hypocrisy on this thread, which is sad in 2026. Add to that the use of language, even though it’s in common use; why cant we say “had sex with” rather than “slept with”. I’ve had sex with people I’ve never slept with. Why use the term “lost virginity”; l didn’t lose anything for goodness sake.

l’ve no idea of the exact number; l never thought of having a velvet covered visitor’s book in my bedroom. I’m happily well into double figures and no regrets, but if l did know the figure it is nothing to do with anyone else.

i am more bemused by those who say “one”, l could only say that for a few days. Once l got started, within the first week l wanted to know what someone else felt like.

Apologies if the thread has discussed this already and I missed it, but how are we defining full sex, if it's women? My best friend and I had a debate about this recently when we were comparing body counts (I'm bi).

For men I would think (rightly or wrongly) that it needs to be PIV to count as sex.

Oral with women? Or is touching enough?

Either way, I don't actually know mine. I'd estimate about 50, but when I just say down to count, I only got to 37! Entirely possible I missed a few though.

I'm gonna estimate 40-50. No shame about it. I'm 47, I've enjoyed a full and active sex life. Had a few LTRs and was always busy in the in-between times!

There are a couple of incidents I regret within that, but not too many!

I don't make a point of discussing it with partners, but will be honest if it arises, and only one partner judged me - my 4th LTR - I was about 40 and he was late 50s and had only slept with 3 (me being the third). I don't think he ever forgave me for that!

I had a horrible childhood, and ended up with a variety of horrible men: one was much older than me and knew I had nobody. My family didn't care. I was working in nightclubs, life was chaotic. I thought he was my boyfriend until it was too late.

Took me a long time to get away.

Sorry this happened. So wrong! I feel for you. ❤️

12 or 13? Honestly, I’m not even sure. I’d have to sit and think about it. I know mine is about twice dh’s number and I think his was 6, but can’t remember if the twice included him or not. 😂 Nope, would never occur to me to lie about it. I mean, it’s not like anyone asks anymore. I probably wouldn’t shout from the rooftops who some of them were because definitely my standards are higher now than they were 30 years ago.

In my experience, some men get off on hearing about previous partners, rather than being jealous.