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AIBU?

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Original poster

How many people have you slept with?

759 replies

Fearlesssloth · 30/04/2026 09:50

…and do you lie about it? I’m late 30s, 4 or 5 relationships, most 1-2 years, been married now for 6 years. I’ve slept with around 50 people (I know cos I made a list once!) Only 1 or 2 were ‘true’ one night stands. I know that’s a lot but I refuse to be ashamed of it, I had a lot of fun in my youth. When I was dating before my husband I never admitted it to anyone I was dating. I’d always say less than 10. So how many people have you slept with and do you freely admit it or do you reduce the number a lot if asked by people you’re dating or were dating before if you’re in a relationship? And how do you feel about the number?

OP posts:
Namechangedforthisoneyep · 30/04/2026 14:29

Nogimachi · 30/04/2026 14:26

I would never discuss this. I’m 52 and was brought up to be very judgemental about this sort of thing (sex ed was still “a mummy and a daddy who loved each other very much”) and it doesn’t really leave you deep down, despite the 90s “ladette” culture that aimed to erase that.
I know my husband and his friends (very decent men) would also think poorly deep down of a woman with a high number.
My friends who had high numbers weren’t the happy, stable ones.
For me the worst is polyamory. The idea makes me feel utterly revolted.

Edited

I hate to break it to you but decent men don’t think that.

Im extremely stable and happy. And loyal.

TallulahBetty · 30/04/2026 14:31

13 - I don't tell people. Not embarrassed as such, but I do feel I'd be judged (even though I wouldn't judge others).

SleeplessInWherever · 30/04/2026 14:32

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 14:22

I am not sure that is true.

Show quote history

Are we to assume that you’re a man who would be bothered?

hennybeans · 30/04/2026 14:32

Three: first boyfriend, holiday fling that lasted two weeks, husband.
I wish it was higher actually. Yeah, that’s a regret.

Nobody really asks, but in some situations I would share the number. Dh just knows I wasn’t a virgin.

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 14:33

SleeplessInWherever · 30/04/2026 14:32

Are we to assume that you’re a man who would be bothered?

Show quote history

Most men I know would be, and I would be bothered if my husband's number was 100.

Nedward · 30/04/2026 14:35

Myfavouritecolourisanimalprint · 30/04/2026 10:53

Loads, though I'm not going to sit down and make a list because I'm an adult and it's not like there's anything I can do to reduce the number (plus some of them I don't even remember). If I could unshag some of them, I would, but I had a lot of fun when I was younger and single and there's no point regretting any of it. My partner has been around a fair bit in his time too, but we have never had a discussion about numbers - there are so many more interesting things to talk about.

LOVE the phrase "unshag" !

Sassylovesbooks · 30/04/2026 14:35

8.. number 8 being my husband. I don't lie about it and I'm not ashamed of it either. I'm 51. I'm not sure 8 is particularly high.

Nogimachi · 30/04/2026 14:36

Namechangedforthisoneyep · 30/04/2026 14:29

I hate to break it to you but decent men don’t think that.

Im extremely stable and happy. And loyal.

Show quote history

I hate to break it to you but they do! Or maybe better to say “some” do.

I simply wouldn’t continue a relationship with a man who had slept with 50 or 100 women - it’s an indicator that they are fundamentally different from me in the way they attach (or don’t!) emotionally. That doesn’t make me not a decent person. Same for men.

NoisyHiker · 30/04/2026 14:36

Fourth one is DH and to be honest I wish I could have skipped the first three boyfriends. They were crap, both in bed and outside it, but I was young and thought I was 'supposed' to have boyfriends.

DH is amazing.

Kettledodger · 30/04/2026 14:36

3 in total
1st was literally a 2 minute incident at a party when I was 15 and I ended up pregnant!
2nd my exh was with him from 17-29yo
3rd my dh left exh for him, still together after 25 years

HangingHeather · 30/04/2026 14:37

5 for me

Namechangedforthisoneyep · 30/04/2026 14:37

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 14:33

Most men I know would be, and I would be bothered if my husband's number was 100.

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But who cares what most men think?

Why do you need validation from a man???

I would rather be alone than need validation from a man.

I told my partner my high number because we were friends first and then we fell in love.

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 14:38

Namechangedforthisoneyep · 30/04/2026 14:37

But who cares what most men think?

Why do you need validation from a man???

I would rather be alone than need validation from a man.

I told my partner my high number because we were friends first and then we fell in love.

Show quote history

Not sure validation is the word I would use, but I wouldn't want my husband to think of me in a way that wasn't nice.

I understand not everybody shares my views.

Princejoffyjaffur · 30/04/2026 14:38

75-100?

Swarly · 30/04/2026 14:38

Just the 1, my now husband. We met at freshers in university at 18 and have been together ever since. I’m now 31.

Namechangedforthisoneyep · 30/04/2026 14:39

Nogimachi · 30/04/2026 14:36

I hate to break it to you but they do! Or maybe better to say “some” do.

I simply wouldn’t continue a relationship with a man who had slept with 50 or 100 women - it’s an indicator that they are fundamentally different from me in the way they attach (or don’t!) emotionally. That doesn’t make me not a decent person. Same for men.

Edited
Show quote history

But your views are small minded and based on all that you know so you’re wrong.

I agree that a lot of men won’t approve but they’re not decent and who fuckin cares!

SouthLondonMum22 · 30/04/2026 14:39

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 14:33

Most men I know would be, and I would be bothered if my husband's number was 100.

Show quote history

I don't know my husband's actual number. I know it isn't only 1 or 2 but it could be 10, 20, 50 or 100. I don't care.

He feels the same way.

Lemonthyme · 30/04/2026 14:39

Nogimachi · 30/04/2026 14:36

I hate to break it to you but they do! Or maybe better to say “some” do.

I simply wouldn’t continue a relationship with a man who had slept with 50 or 100 women - it’s an indicator that they are fundamentally different from me in the way they attach (or don’t!) emotionally. That doesn’t make me not a decent person. Same for men.

Edited
Show quote history

You're equating sex with emotional attachment. I'd argue that most men do not conflate the two as often as some (but not all) women do.

So if you assume because a man has slept with a lower number, that he's more likely to have a deep emotional attachment with partners, I'd suggest that's a big assumption and one you don't have any factual evidence for.

Notmeagain12 · 30/04/2026 14:39

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 14:04

Google broken?

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Is your google broken?

cuck does not mean what you seem to think it does.

SleeplessInWherever · 30/04/2026 14:39

coulditbeme2323 · 30/04/2026 14:38

Not sure validation is the word I would use, but I wouldn't want my husband to think of me in a way that wasn't nice.

I understand not everybody shares my views.

Show quote history

So women aren’t supposed to have sex with men that they want to, when they want to, in case a man they haven’t yet met has a problem with it?

I don’t think so.

ForeverTheOptomist · 30/04/2026 14:40

Do you want a grand total, or will just the memorable ones be ok?

Lemonthyme · 30/04/2026 14:42

OriginalSkang · 30/04/2026 14:22

A cuckold is someone in a relationship whose wife is sleeping with other people. These days it mainly refers to a kink where they enjoy the fact their wife is sleeping with other people

So that user was either using it in completely the wrong context or was accusing everyone with a high body count of cheating on their husbands. Or partners, but partners are lower down the scale of respectability for reasons she can't/won't explain

I've only come across it in the kink context or as an insult banded around by the kind of misogynistic online idiots I try to avoid.

SleeplessInWherever · 30/04/2026 14:43

Lemonthyme · 30/04/2026 14:39

You're equating sex with emotional attachment. I'd argue that most men do not conflate the two as often as some (but not all) women do.

So if you assume because a man has slept with a lower number, that he's more likely to have a deep emotional attachment with partners, I'd suggest that's a big assumption and one you don't have any factual evidence for.

Show quote history

Indeed. Lots of men would have higher numbers if they had more sex available to them.

Lack of people wanting to have sex with you isn’t “saving yourself for an emotional connection.”

JHound · 30/04/2026 14:44

HelmholtzWatson · 30/04/2026 14:22

Most of the research suggests they don't, or at least there are things that are more important. for example, high body count is a decent predictor of attractiveness, so it's a trade off.

Show quote history

high body count is a decent predictor of attractiveness, so it's a trade off.

I REALLY doubt this is true. Well not for women anyway. A lot (most??) men will f*ck anything.

peptual · 30/04/2026 14:45

4

1st I was 17 and it was a friends’ brothers’ friend
2nd - 18 and it was the same friends’ brother who I then went out with for 2 years
3rd - I was 20 and it was a guy I worked with at the local coop and then briefly went out with before he dumped me which I found incredibly embarrassing at the time
4th - my bow husband, age 21 we first had sex, then decided to start going out, so I guess it was a one night stand that ended up in a now 15 year relationship.

My DH thinks he’s my second, he doesn’t know about number 1 and number 3 - is that awful? He’s only ever had sex with me.