Page 6 | SHE LEAVES GAS ON REPEATEDLY FOR YEARS

heygirlsitsme · 2026-04-29T18:29:36+00:00

Hey guys I am asking about a close relative what the hell could this be?? they for decades have been leaving gas on like every month, every few months. Sometimes even few times a week. their daughter has bad ocd because she remembers since age 13 having to check gas after her and it’s not just gas. Hot tools, plugged in iron, fire on. like person living with them comes home, no one is home, that woman left for work and gas is on. 30 years they nearly burned down staff kitchen room in old workplace when you tell them off about it they go, oh yes, sorry. Sorry. I’ll be more careful. Or quietly nod. But they keep doing same thing. I don’t understand why it’s so hard to double check and be more careful if you know this about yourself. what the hell could this be. I am starting to wonder if this is done on purpose because it’s so ridiculous

Mummyoflittledragon · Yesterday 03:42

Wearealldoingourbest · Yesterday 01:25

As others have said it sounds a lot like severe inattentive ADHD combined with Autism with a Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) profile, maybe combined with depression or some other mental health condition.
The lying on the couch could be caused by mental exhaustion and overwhelm from masking all day at work. She'll be getting little hits of dopamine from continuously scrolling on her phone, which will make her feel good, a bit like an addiction.
On the smirking and lack of empathy when other people are upset, there's something called "equalising" in PDA where the PDA person has an overwhelming need to be "right" and "win" over another person in a stressful situation to make themselves feel in control. If the PDA person has done something wrong, the need to equalise often makes them be unnecessarily mean and harsh to make the other person "lose".
On the leaving the gas on and acting like she doesn't care, it'll be the ADHD making her forget and the PDA making her to refuse to accept any judgement of her behaviour and refuse to accept any demand to change. In my experience PDA people tend to blame everyone else or act as if normal expectations are unreasonable.
I don't have a lot of advice other than focus on helping their children and stay away from this person until they decide to change. I am low contact with the person in my life who is like this. You can't argue or convince someone with PDA. You have to wait for them to get self awareness and for them to seek help. My person is in their 80s and I'm still waiting.

I hadn’t heard of equalising. Such a lot of work to do with my dd, who has a lot of demand avoidance issues.

SmellycatSmelllycat · Yesterday 04:03

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 29/04/2026 21:43

And she's a teacher, you say.

I didn’t see that posted anywhere? 😆

Bjorkdidit · Yesterday 06:26

Have only skimmed the thread because it's rather chaotic but in a way this sounds a lot like it could be me and it's a combination of ADHD, peri/menopause and work stress means that you're left burnt out and barely able to function.

If she's an experienced teacher, she puts all her energy and focus into that and the rest of her life is a disaster. I don't do things like leaving the gas on/things plugged in because, instead of overlooking these things, I go the other way, meaning I have to check things multiple times, especially when leaving the house and even then I often need to return home because I'm convinced I missed something.

However, I have a friend who has autism and/or ADHD who's retired from a responsible job and it's clear that he's completely used to his DW following him around turning things off, closing doors and picking things up because when she's not around you can tell where he's been due to the trail of open doors, lights on, hob on when not in use etc etc (I know him due to a shared hobby where everyone stays in the same self catering accommodation and it's way beyond the 'lazy man leaves his socks lying around' level).

I don't know the answer but obviously leaving gas/electrical items on is a major danger that could have catestrophic consequences so she either needs to focus on not doing this or if she qualifies, look some type of supported living.

Original poster

heygirlsitsme · Yesterday 08:27

Wearealldoingourbest · Yesterday 01:25

As others have said it sounds a lot like severe inattentive ADHD combined with Autism with a Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) profile, maybe combined with depression or some other mental health condition.
The lying on the couch could be caused by mental exhaustion and overwhelm from masking all day at work. She'll be getting little hits of dopamine from continuously scrolling on her phone, which will make her feel good, a bit like an addiction.
On the smirking and lack of empathy when other people are upset, there's something called "equalising" in PDA where the PDA person has an overwhelming need to be "right" and "win" over another person in a stressful situation to make themselves feel in control. If the PDA person has done something wrong, the need to equalise often makes them be unnecessarily mean and harsh to make the other person "lose".
On the leaving the gas on and acting like she doesn't care, it'll be the ADHD making her forget and the PDA making her to refuse to accept any judgement of her behaviour and refuse to accept any demand to change. In my experience PDA people tend to blame everyone else or act as if normal expectations are unreasonable.
I don't have a lot of advice other than focus on helping their children and stay away from this person until they decide to change. I am low contact with the person in my life who is like this. You can't argue or convince someone with PDA. You have to wait for them to get self awareness and for them to seek help. My person is in their 80s and I'm still waiting.

This is soooo helpful. thank you! I will look into all this

OP posts:

Original poster

heygirlsitsme · Yesterday 08:31

UpTheGunners · 29/04/2026 23:44

"non related relatives" is my new fave

sorry typo

*room mates

it was supposed to be non related room mates

OP posts:

Butterme · Yesterday 08:52

IrisPallida · 29/04/2026 22:40

Endangering their life and lives of their room mates??

"Room mates"? So not a relative/aunt or any of the rest of your tacked on back-story...

If lives are being endangered then call the police or social services. But if as I suspect it is your sibling, and you should be doing your homework, then you really need to wind your neck in.

It’s no wonder people feel like they can’t start threads on MN anymore.

What is it with here replies and posters constantly trying to twist OP’s words or poke holes in her story.

Nothing she has said is unbelievable.

Maybe if you’re not familiar with ND or MH issues then you may find it hard that someone could act like the woman in question but that doesn’t mean OP is lying.

She had come on here as she is concerned for a vulnerable person.
If you don’t believe it, then don’t comment.

Butterme · Yesterday 08:58

MaCheCazzo · 29/04/2026 21:38

So she's not a teacher then? She can't be both a couch hog and a teacher. And if this started when she was 30 and has been going on for decades how the hell old is she now?
None of this makes sense.

Show quote history

Why can’t she be a couch hog and teacher?

I know a few teachers and they feel so burnt out that they struggle to do anything else when they’re at home.
This person obviously has something else going on too and so it’s believable that they’d act like this.

I can’t see where it says it started when she was 30 - it sounds like this has been happening her entire life but a decade is 10 years and so yes it has been happening over decades as the person is obviously older than 10.

OP obviously used the word decade so we know that this isn’t a new thing which could be the result of a mini stroke or something, this is very much her personality and has been for years.

I’m not sure why you’re struggling so much with this.