SHE LEAVES GAS ON REPEATEDLY FOR YEARS

[heygirlsitsme]

Hey guys I am asking about a close relative

what the hell could this be??

they for decades have been leaving gas on like every month, every few months. Sometimes even few times a week.

their daughter has bad ocd because she remembers since age 13 having to check gas after her

and it’s not just gas. Hot tools, plugged in iron, fire on.

like person living with them comes home, no one is home, that woman left for work and gas is on.

30 years they nearly burned down staff kitchen room in old workplace

when you tell them off about it they go, oh yes, sorry. Sorry. I’ll be more careful. Or quietly nod. But they keep doing same thing.

I don’t understand why it’s so hard to double check and be more careful if you know this about yourself.

what the hell could this be. I am starting to wonder if this is done on purpose because it’s so ridiculous

See

but at least you are trying to sort it out!

she isn’t. It’s like she doesn’t really care. She apologises, says won’t happen again but hates listening to solutions or “being told what to do”

it’s like she couldn’t care less

induction hob etc was all a relative doing this for her and insisting

It sounds like she has some executive functioning problems. She forgets to finish tasks and loses things constantly.

At work she might have scaffolding to help her - teaching is something which can be both inherently structured (working to a lesson plan) and improvisation, reacting in the moment. So if she has challenges with starting, transitioning between, or completing tasks, this could be masked at work by other features of the environment. There is something called "body doubling" being researched now, (which basically means doing stuff together with other people). Turns out doing things in routine with other humans (like you might do in a school) can help those with executive functioning issues to manage. So she might have found a career that allows her to use her jumping-about-quick-thinking-brain and supports her scatty-forgetful-brain.

Or SHE could mask heavily at work so when she comes home there is nothing in the tank for organising self care, cooking and so on. If she is undiagnosed neurodivergent then she may be living with profound exhaustion that even she is not aware of.

What causes this- well it's probably some mix of adhd and maybe autism or traits in those directions. It could be depression that she is battling through day by day. It could be PTSD from some trauma she had that you are not aware of.

The thing is, what should matter to you is what help does she need, is she aware that she maybe needs more to support her at home than she has in place? What is her attitude to neurodivergence, is she aware of others in the family with similar things going on? How would you know what her views are, too - she might be going through a process of diagnosis or treatment without telling you, for all you know.

Your OP is more of a tone of frustration "What's WRONG with her??!" and to help her you need to be more supportive, curious and less judgmental.

My PDA Audhd young person hates listening to solutions or “being told what to do”., by the way. Because they lack interoception and insight.

Not responding the way you think she should respond could be a part of her overall personality and condition.

One more weird symptom

shes been lying on couch for last few years 24/7

with her phone

when she is not working or on holiday it’s literally from early morning to late night.

you walk in at 7am and she is lying on couch and you go to bed at 11/12pm she is lying on couch with her phone.

24/7 watching politics or leaving comments on youtube

eats laying down.

only gets up to eat and use toilet

doesnt leave the house unless absolutely have to. Even to just get fresh air

she had a few month holiday she spend months just laying on couch

It’s poorly written.

ADHD would not, on its own make you unable to teach. Source: I personally know several teachers who have been diagnosed with ADHD.

So she's not a teacher then? She can't be both a couch hog and a teacher. And if this started when she was 30 and has been going on for decades how the hell old is she now?
None of this makes sense.

I find it a challenge to accept the person is holding down a job as a teacher and have a significant clinical personality disorder. Teaching has high levels of accountability for student safety, behaviour management and curriculum planning and delivery. Seems incongruous.

Stop saying that FGS

I said when she is not working. On holiday, weekends.

I think it's probably severe ADHD. My dh is similar. Has caused a fire in the house by forgetting he was cooking something. Loses his wallet and keys a lot. Gets parking tickets because he forgets the time when visiting friends. Hates being told what to do, and gets angry if I 'warn' him, i.e., if I say 'don't forget to turn the water off' if he's running a bath etc. Spends a lot of time not doing much except watching politics in YouTube.

He realises it probably is ADHD but sees no point in diagnosis because he doesn't want to medicate.

have a question,

does this diagnosis cause anger issues?

she would her whole life sometimes just have like disproportionate reaction to things. In arguments or perceived criticism would scream, yell, throw things, swear, mocking. Even her own kids. I remember seeing sometimes like this very crazy scary look in her eyes.

like being told to clean up after herself and stop leaving mess

I once remember waking up when we were travelling home from Paris on bus because these two women wouldn’t stop talking and not letting her sleep so she began mocking them and screaming and calling them names.

woke whole bus up. It was disturbing.

she like switches from overly super sweet high voice to aggressive rude deep tone sometimes.

also does this cause person to do the opposite of what’s being asked of him?

for example someone asks her to please not to do or say something and she keeps saying Saying it doing it anyway

or someone asks her to please do something and she doesn’t do it.

have a question,

does this diagnosis cause anger issues?

she would her whole life sometimes just have like disproportionate reaction to things. In arguments or perceived criticism would scream, yell, throw things, swear, mocking. Even her own kids. I remember seeing sometimes like this very crazy scary look in her eyes.

like being told to clean up after herself and stop leaving mess

I once remember waking up when we were travelling home from Paris on bus because these two women wouldn’t stop talking and not letting her sleep so she began mocking them and screaming and calling them names.

woke whole bus up. It was disturbing.

she like switches from overly super sweet high voice to aggressive rude deep tone sometimes.

also does this cause person to do the opposite of what’s being asked of him?

for example someone asks her to please not to do or say something and she keeps saying and it doing it anyway

or someone asks her to please do something, she doesn’t do it.

like she’s enjoying getting a rise out of you

And she's a teacher, you say.

Yes, DH is like this. I think it's called Oppositional Defiance Disorder. Very difficult to live with. They can't help it though. There is also a touch of Pathological Demand Avoidance too, where when you ask them to do something their immediate reaction is to say no, because you asking seems like a threat to them. If you push too hard, that's when they get really really angry.

It's quite unfair of you to say it's ridiculous and question if she does it on purpose. Why would she intentionally risk killing herself and her family? Unless she has some severe mental health condition which could also lead to forgetfulness.
Autism, ADHD, Depression, Anxiety and I'm sure other conditions impact people's executive functioning in different ways. They could be doing great in all areas other than one. Some may not recognise when something is dirty, some may not be able to react appropriately in an emergency, some may not understand social cues, some may be obsessive about checking things are switched off and some may completely forget to check things are turned off.
I am one of those people. Successful in education and my job but have left the oven/hob on multiple times. I never forget to lock the door though, for some reason I will check that multiple times.

Omg this is so helpful

apparently it can be comorbid with adhd??

im trying to figure out because her husband run off, everyone in her family wants nothing to do with her and no friends and her daughter and other kids been living under severe stress

what about the anger issues I described though? Any idea what that could be?

Please don’t get offended

she has other severe symptoms that would too long to write here that lead me to believe it could be on purpose

low empathy etc

for example her daughter noticing few times when she was crying during argument the mother smirked

she also doesn’t seem to care much whereas other people with these conditions do

I feel like you are behaving, OP, as though this is all completely incomprehensible.

The more symptoms you describe the less believable it is that you have not looked into this years ago. This woman has anger issues and has brought up children? Sounds like about 4 rampant unmedicated things going on all at once and I find it hard to believe that the things we are saying are news to you. Just do a bit of research on different conditions to start with.

You need to move out and find your own place to live.

It is utterly bizarre to want to diagnose and 'cure' another person who has a life, a job, and is living the way they want to live. Go away and sort out your own life.

I was thinking she just might have npd?

She is affecting the life of some I love and close to me, who cannot move out

they are seriously suffering and their mental health greatly affected being around this woman

this might suprise you, but some people have terrible circumstances or are in bad situations, that force them to be stuck living with crazy people.

its not a choice.

Ah, so you are not old enough to move out? What do your parents think about this person? I bet they don't mind...

Maybe you are young. This is all very black and white, what has she "got", why is she behaving like this? It's good you want to help your friend but you need to do a bit more research and be less impatient to write her off as mad or bad.

I do stuff like this. I think I have adhd. I leave oven and hob on all the time. This week I left the steamer on which luckily turns itself off as it was there flashing when kids got home. I drive my partner mad. I leave windows open when I go out, milk out of the fridge. You name it.