To tell friend she can't come on holiday if she doesn't pay her share?

[Glitterinthegrey]

My friend and I agreed to go on holiday together in May half term. It's me & my teenager, and her & her three children aged between 11 and 16.

I booked it, and she was meant to give me half of the money. The final date for payment came and she said she didn't have it, so I paid it on the understanding she would pay me back.

She's now saying she won't be able to afford their train tickets if she has to pay me, too. Neither of us drive, so we holiday in coastal towns with good links.

I'm in a better financial position than her, but I still have to work and save to afford holidays. I don't mind subsidising her by paying more than my share, but feel like excpecting me to pay the whole lot is taking the piss.

Would IBU to tell her they can't come if she doesn'tpay at least some of the cost? It feels mean, but equally I don't want to be a doormat.

Of course you wouldn’t.

she’s an absolute piss taker and you’re not a charity!

You would not be unreasonable at all. Would you lose any money by going with just your DC?

YANBU. Cheeky Fucker. She pays or she doesn't come. She doesn't get a free holiday. Can you get a refund of her half?

She needs to pay for her share, which is more than half! Or not go! You’re being more than generous

Yanbu.

Tbh if she didn't have the money, did you look at options for removing her from the holiday? That might have been a better solution than paying for the whole thing

She was already getting a bargain by only paying half when she was accounting for two thirds of the party. I’d tell her she’s not coming if she doesn’t pay, as no doubt you’d end up subbing her for other stuff while you’re there if she’s that skint!

Is this real? Ofc she should pay. If she can’t pay then she doesn’t go on holidays.

I’d be saying hey CF, I really need to recoup this money so if you don’t mind I will sell your spot on to another friend. Done.

Ridiculous.
She can't afford to go.
She is not your friend.
Friends don't behave like that.
Ask some of your daughters friends to go with you, and let them pay their own train journey.
It will be lovely for your daughter if you cannot find another friend to go.

Do not subsidise her holiday.
It's rewarding her awful behaviour.

I think you'd only feel resentful seeing her enjoying the holiday on your money. Is there anyone else that might be interested in joining that's not a cheeky fucker?

I think it would be a really bad idea to give in. Tbh, even by suggesting this she’s already damaged the relationship.

If you want to try and salvage something of the relationship, you could cheerily suggest substituting another person instead, and saying you’ll holiday together when it’s not putting her under financial strain.

But one way or another, hold the boundary and don’t be taken advantage of.

I think you have to say "ah, that's a shame, but I understand. I have some other friends who may be interested in going, so if you're pulling out I'll offer it to them." She's trying to get a free holiday out of you, and doing it utterly shamelessly.

And where does she think the spending money is coming from, u as well?? She is an absolute piss taker and is taking advantage of ur good nature. Tell her to gtf, pay her holiday, but if it was me I’d be down cancelling. She will have some excuse already made how she doesn’t have the spending too.

Don't do it OP, she needs to be honest and just say she can't afford it. Because if you do pay, you'll get there and be expected to be an open purse for the week. It'll be "oh we can't afford fish and chips, you have them though" "oh we can't afford a coffee, you have one though" etc etc.

This

I agree that you have to be clear she has to pay to go. If you give in this time, she’ll continue taking the piss.

Do you have other friends or does your teenager have a couple of friends who want to go and will pay towards it? Even if not fully half, at least you would get something back.

Get rid of the scrounger @Glitterinthegrey, she isn't your friend.

You were kind enough to offer to pay more than your share - she is being an absolute CF by expecting you now to pay ALL of it! I guarantee she’d ask you to pay her train fares next. Please go on your own! And i dont feel that she is a nice friend.

This is exactly what you need to say.

Can you possibly cancel her places and get some money back?

If not, can your children invite some friends along?

Do this. I bet she’ll find the money pretty quickly if you do.

Can you cancel it or is it too late?

Of course she should pay what she agreed to pay, but it sounds like the may not actually be able to - as in she doesn’t have the physical money to give you? What are your options in terms of cancelling or going with someone else who can pay the share instead?

She's expecting you to pay for a family of four? No. End the 'friendship'.

Yes that is fine and probably for the best.
If she can't afford the caravan and is saying she needs the money for the train, will she be able to afford anything when you are there? Who will be buying food for her and the kids? Even if you did a supermarket shop would she split the cost. What if the kids all go to the arcades, will she then say she can't afford for her children to do it. What will she actually do on holiday? As with 3 children to entertain it could be tough if she has no money to do anything with them.

She really can't afford this holiday and should have told you sooner. If you agree to pay for her family she'll be asking for money towards train fares next or you'll be subbing her spending money too. Just say it's a shame she can't go and try to find someone else to take her place, even if it's just friends of your DD making a small contribution.

YANB at all U. Your friend has put you in a situation with two shitty options - either foot her share of the bill or be the one who puts the kaibosh on her holiday. That was unfair of her and you are quite right to tell her she can’t come. I also wonder, if you did give in to her, exactly how much she’d take the piss on the holiday itself with costs like food and activities.