Small life or big life?

[Pufferthemagicjacket]

Two quite different options are available to me right now:

A: Continue to be SAHM. Plenty of time to exercise, keep house, go to appointments, have coffees with friends etc. Some days I feel very lucky, other days feel like I’m aimlessly drifting a bit. Can afford a few “nice to have’s” but lifestyle fairly basic.

B: Accept FT job. Enjoy “sense of purpose” and extra money, but this would be intermingled with quite a bit of stress and general feeling of overwhelm (have done before). Also, childcare issues. But financial security would be a plus. I would also pay for cleaner etc, so would get a break from some menial tasks that have been my job for a number of years.

AIBU to have no idea which option is best?! WWYD?

Whichever option you choose, you'll look at the other one with envy. It's a mother's curse of modern world, I think. I chose option 2 - but I do have my misgivings.

How old are the kids?

You could try option 2 for awhile and see if works out? If it’s too much you can always go back to option 1

This isn’t ’small life’ vs ‘big life’, it’s ’economically act8ve’ vs ‘economically inactive’. Choose the job.

Is there a middle ground? I work 4 days a week and find it a nice balance

What about a third option - work part time?

There is nothing lost by trying the job.

I would love that, but have been looking for a PT job for a long time to no avail.

I would always choose financial security, financial independence, over anything else. You never know what's around the corner. No brainer.

Choose option two.

I have retired now and though I meet friends often, have met up with 4 on 4 different occasions within the last week and do everything you do on the list with ease I still volunteer for three charities.

Second option. I would hate to feel my life was ‘aimlessly drifting’ and ‘keeping house’ would not provide much of a sense of purpose to me. It’s kind of what we all do isn’t it? I’m assuming your children are school age (if younger, I don’t think you’d feel your days were aimless or drifting!)

the clincher for me would be sharing responsibilities in a more balanced way with my dh. I wouldn’t want to be sole earner while he ‘kept house’, went to the gym or for coffee all day so neither would I expect the reverse.

There’s very little to lose by giving the job a try. If you’re not dependent on the money for essentials there’s nothing to stop you quitting if it doesn’t work out as you’d hoped. Not to mention the longer you’re out of work the harder it is to return and it isn’t a great job market right now so if you have a good offer I’d take it. If you turn it down then decide the time is right to go back in a couple of years you may find it a lot lot harder and end up regretting the decision.
FWIW I had 4 years off after DC, went back last year, full time and absolutely no regrets. I loved the time I had off with the kids but it was 100% the right time for me to return to work. It also felt like a bit of a now or never and my intention was always to be with the kids until the youngest started school, not never work again.

7 and 10

How about finding a school hours job? That is what I do and I find it to be the best of both worlds. Plenty of time with my dcs and also a steady income and I get out of the house every day and speak to loads of different people. Not to be cringey, but you do feel you are making a visible difference to individual children. I also love the teachers at my school. I feel like I get more varied chat on a diverse range of subjects than I ever did in my pre-kids, corporate work.

Pay is obviously not as good as full time, 52 weeks a year work, though.

with kids that age … try the job.

Will your DH get involved with drop offs/pick ups .. illness?

How old is / are your child(ren)? If they are primary age who will look after them when they are sick? Will your partner / husband pick up the slack and so 50/50 of the household and child related stuff? If primary or younger what are the child care options for before and after school and will you or your partner/ husband be doing the school run. If your kid(s) are secondary age and can independently get themselves to and from school, then I’d say go for the job, if they are primary I think there are more things that need consideration. Alternatively if you’ve not applied for the job, then apply and let fate decide the outcome eg you either get offered it, or you don’t and go from there.

I think I'd do option two but keep actively looking for p/t work. Option one sounds great but nothing can beat having your own money.

How old are the kids? If pre-school age I'd choose A. This is time with them you can never get back.

Once they are in school I'd take part time work enough to get the benefits of B while keeping as much of A as possible.

I can't believe you refer to this choice as 'small life' or 'big life' - that's so dismissive of all the people who are not working for whatever reason!

I think you need to look at what's driving this unhealthy thinking.

It's about loving your life.

Just seen your update of the kids ages! I think primary age make it a bit more challenging to decide, as you’ll need wrap around care presumably? And decide who takes time off to look after sick kids, unless they both have the constitution of bison or one of you can work from home.

At those ages I would absolutely do option 2, how is your pension looking? Is it a career or a job?

Sorry it is not meant to be derogatory. More trying to capture the vibe of “easygoing, less stressed life” vs. “work hard, play hard”

See if there is any wriggle room on the job - compressed or reduced hours, 1-2 days wfh. I personally would take it, presumably you applied for it, and give it until end of year to decide if you will stay. It will be hard to adjust at first so factor that in.

Yes DH is will do his fair share, but i still know it will be a big adjustment if I go ahead

Take the job. If it doesn't work out, then it's an easy fix! I say that as a someone who was a SAHM for 7 years and should've gone back to work a lot sooner than I did (even though my nmw pt job makes absolutely no difference to our finances 😅).