Should I tell DH what to get me for my birthday?

[ToddlerMumma]

I have a big birthday coming up. I’ve organised party, family get together, all logistics blah blah
DH has asked me (less than a week to go) what I want. I’ve said I want a surprise. What I REALLY want is a thoughtful, considered present. He’s asked me to pick and order what I want and he’ll wrap it. I’ve refused and said I want a thoughtful present. My friend says I’m being unreasonable and I should give him a list of options. I just don’t want to add my own birthday present to my huge list of life admin. Am I being unfair?

Reminds me that one of the things I love about DH is that he is very thoughtful and great with gifts. But even so if there is something specific I'd like, I would say so!

People are allowed to feel differently about birthdays. DH isn’t that bothered, I am. I do stuff for his birthday, he does stuff for mine.

If he didn’t, I would be sad, as he knows it matters to me. He’s considerate all year round but I would still be disappointed if he did nothing towards my birthday, just as he might be disappointed if I came back late from work without dropping him a text or whatever and he’d been looking forward to seeing me.

Again, there’s some distance between “I’m upset by this particular action” and “this is a deal breaker, I’m filing for divorce”

You're setting him up to fail. You've said you want something thoughtful but won't give him any ideas.

We always give each other ideas and we've been married 25 years.

It really depends how difficult you are to buy for. I would never say this to anybody as I am SOOOO difficult to buy for and it would be a dick move on my part. Also, some people, as much as they care, are crap at buying gifts. So depending on how you are DH are about the above would determine how unreasonable I think you are being.

Yeah, that's bad craic. He should be ordering it, wrapping it etc.

Don't literally purchase the item yourself and hand it to him to wrap. But do give him a list of a few things you'd like, with links, so he can choose something from the 'safe' list, but it will still be a bit of a surprise for you.

Just smile and tell him what you would like. He would probably be relieved not to have to think of something.

But when does the OP get to 'not have to think of something'.

OP perhaps you should ask for 24 hours alone in a hotel room where you don't have to do anyone else's thinking for them.

Tell him he can organise you a box of chocolates or fruit platter to go with it.