To think money is best kept private outside family?

[OpenHazelDreamer]

I was brought up not to talk about money and it’s something that’s stuck with me. I don’t even know what my siblings earn (obviously I do with my partner), and I’ve always seen finances as quite a private thing. I’m teaching my kids how to manage money but I’ve also told them not to discuss how much they have with people outside the family. My thinking is that nothing good really comes of it - people can get awkward, comparisons happen and relationships can go a bit funny.

AIBU to think it’s better to keep money private?

It makes a lot of difference. People in my industry don’t have pay banding so they can do the same job but be paid very differently.

And why does anyone need to know? It’s weird and intrusive to want people’s financial information

I'm far from nosy but if I had a good friend who refused to tell me her age, I'd become so. Intrigue breeds curiosity. That's why I'm open about everything.

Someone refusing to say their age isn’t what I would call ‘intriguing’. But then I don’t find other people’s lives that interesting.

Fair enough. I couldn't care less how old someone is but if it came up and they made a point of not divulging, I'd start wondering. It's human nature. I know you see yourself as more evolved than feeling curious about others but I promise you, it would cross your mind if you had a friend who went to great lengths to conceal their age. What's kept hidden is always more interesting than what's presented. Human nature.

But you wouldn’t - we live life in a very different way to my friend - she’s very tight with her money, cheap holidays, second hand cars, would drive around for 10minutes finding a free parking spot - she’ll do anything to save money. She had plenty, I think around £4m to retire but she’d have plenty anyway whether she saved hard or not - she & her dh were very high earners.
Dh and I like the good life😁 - we are not afraid to spend money on buying ourselves nice things - we don’t deprive ourselves - we earn plenty and we spend plenty - you would not have a clue what I had in savings compared to my friend. We don’t spend money to impress the Jones, we spend money because it’s fun and we’ve earned it. If you were looking at us both - it would be hard to know if my friend was skint because she won’t spend a penny needlessly or if we were skint because we like to spend! (According to MN we’d be maxed out on our credit cards and our car would be on Lease) 😁

I don't ask anyone's age - why would I care? Ok I might be curious if there was a big age difference between partners but then I'd berate myself for going there.

No one would officially know, but they'd assume from your lifestyle you weren't hard up. I'm guessing they'd know the same about your friend as it would appear their income was obvious because of their careers. Spending a pittance on holidays etc., would only make you think they're sitting on a goldmine. I'm just saying to a friend or family, it's fairly obvious what someone has whether they say it or not.

Don’t be ridiculous! 🤣 Seriously, you probably need to get a hobby other than looking at what others have and valuing it 🤣

Do you know how many people in well paid careers don’t have a pot to piss in and rely on credit? Do you know how many modestly paid people can afford to splurge sometimes?

Do you ask them to show you financial statements to see the cost of everything and are you related to the poster upthread who has a family financial meeting every week? 🤣

The whole point is that you don't need to see financial records to get a sense of where someone's at. The way they live won't give you a full picture but their careers often will. It's obtuse to suggest that you wouldn't notice if a friend of yours was on the breadline v a friend who was a multimillionaire. Of course you'd notice and that wouldnt make you nosy, just aware and not an idiot.

No we're not hard up - but when SIL asked up to pay off her mortgage and we said no - we don't have the spare cash to do that - we meant it! We had not planned on needing a large amount of cash to pay off someone else's mortgage, we'd just renovated our house, our savings were quite depleted - build costs always increase and our mortgage had increased she probably assumed we didn't have a mortgage. She had decided that we were loaded - she must have done those imaginary sums and decided we were sitting on a goldmine - she really thought she was entitled to our money and by the bucket load.

By the time MIL was 85 sil had also discovered MIL had savings, not a big amount but more than nothing - enough for MIL not to worry about getting her boiler serviced and paying for the lawn cutting man - she wondered why MIL wasn't giving all that cash to her too, and straight away - it was quite depressing to see the grabbiness get directed to MIL.

I don't know why SIL feels entitled to other family member's money but she does. She's always making helpful suggestions on how we should spend ours (to benefit her). 😂So I'll say again - do not share your financial situation with anyone including your family unless you are prepared to be targeted by a family member who's needs are always greater than yours. We'll continue to spend the way we want to spend it - I'm sure she thinks she could put our money to better use for her and maybe one depressing day our kids will have the same opinion - God I really hope not - our dcs have and continue to enjoy our spoils but they will have have to work hard for their own too.

No - like I said some people are well paid and potless and vice versa. The only way I would notice is if they said they were well off or poor.

I have very close friends and haven’t got a clue what they earn (even though a couple of them do a similar job) or how much money they have stashed away.

It would blow your mind to know that some people on the breadline go on expensive holidays because someone else pays.

I think it’s crass as fuck to be so interested in other people’s private lives but that’s just me.

Apparently secrecy adds to the ‘intrigue’ 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

I find nosey people really dull as it’s an indicator that they have nothing better going on in their lives

Nosy and observant are two different things. People develop impressions of others and infer things as you have done with me.
Using the f-word is also pretty crass, no? Just wondering 🤔

Anything I have inferred from you is taken from you posting about how intriguing someone was for not giving their age and claiming that you know what financial status people have.

And no, saying ‘fuck’ is not crass and is used by some of the greatest minds in the English speaking world. (See also ‘cunt’ which is used liberally on here).

On the other hand the ‘f-word’ is a tad twee, no?

And observant = nosy

Oh fuck it @LiviaDrusillaAugusta - I'll join the crass bench (I think I might have been put on it already because I refuse to wear a hairshirt and save all my pennies - we enjoy the dolce vita - we've earned it all, so why not?

Damn right! 😊

Ew - nosey people who want to know every tiny detail about your private life are so off-putting and gross.

Its not my problem that you are nosey as fuck - do you also ask people about their sex lives because the less they say the more you want to know?

Gross. This says way more about you and your inability to stop poking around in other people's business than the people not wanting to divulge their info to you