To think money is best kept private outside family?

[OpenHazelDreamer]

I was brought up not to talk about money and it’s something that’s stuck with me. I don’t even know what my siblings earn (obviously I do with my partner), and I’ve always seen finances as quite a private thing. I’m teaching my kids how to manage money but I’ve also told them not to discuss how much they have with people outside the family. My thinking is that nothing good really comes of it - people can get awkward, comparisons happen and relationships can go a bit funny.

AIBU to think it’s better to keep money private?

I bet they did. Keep employees dumb and their mouths taped shut.

I work for an agency and earn the NMW. We get paid weekly. I recently overheard 2 permanent staff discussing their salaries and they said they were paid above NMW - they are paid monthly. I have worked for the same company for almost 5 years and I thought I was getting the same as them. Not really sure how to broach it and I don't want to rock the boat.

It's specifically illegal under UK employment law if you can show the conversion related to a protected characteristic. So if you're discussing the gender pay gap, then it might be in a contract but it's completely unenforceable.

This assumption is the root of so many problems. If you see someone driving a massive Range Rover, or snaps of an incredible holiday, you have no idea if they paid for it outright in cash or are paying ££££/month on credit. If they bought it outright, the only thing you know for sure is they no longer have that money. You don’t know if they have millions squirrelled away or are indebted up the eyeballs.

I agree, I hardly even discuss money with my family.

Completely agree with this.

I really champion financial literacy as a real key aspect of life more people need to really think about. I’m always very open to talking with friends (and as I’ve been doing in recent years, friends’ younger relatives) about how I construct my household balance sheet and that it’s a constant working framework.

That doesn’t mean you talk and think about it every day; but it does mean you give that framework importance in how you approach life. Your household balance sheet isn’t static, you should give your home economy the same attention you give the other most important aspects of your life, rather than just passively watch salary in and outgoings out. I come from an upper working class background where, for example, the idea of credit scares a lot of people: they were brought up to think of buying anything on credit as a no-no, because credit is synonymous with debt in their background. I understand that: it was how I was brought up. But if you’re in a position where you understand what credit and debt means for you personally, and have financial literacy which means you know how to utilise both (which is gained through knowledge and discussion) you are well-placed to make better decisions.

I understand and acknowledge when others say they would never tell their wider family like parents and siblings what their situation is. I come at where I am from an incredibly fortunate position where my parents are my greatest cheerleaders in life, and my family is incredibly functional. But when people speak about their financial situation and through greater knowledge and education become open to assessing whether it’s more advantageous to e.g. pay a small lump off the mortgage, or invest that lump elsewhere because returns will be better than interest saved over the same period, this is how we gain financial literacy: by understanding how to utilise money most effectively for our own situations.

Your are being paid more, your agency is pocketing the rest. Ask the employer to make you permanent staff??

My colleagues already know what I earn. Salaries are published. I often chat to colleagues to encourage them to save in pension fund because many of my female colleagues don’t because they are just not aware of the benefits.

I never discuss money with wider family but do with DH and kids as I’m trying to encourage them to save etc.

I have a good friend I sometimes discuss money and pensions with because we are both approaching retirement.

Not even with your kids, they'll always tell friends what you earn!

You don’t discuss outside of family. I’d discuss with parents, siblings but not with cousins. I wouldn’t discuss with children until older teens just as a maturity thing.

Im really open about my finances. The children all know what I earn and understand my ethos of saving/not getting into debt. I work for the civil service so its all published. The crux of it is why don't we discuss it? Apart from theft, what are we afraid of? I dont go and tell anyone about my savings and investments but if trusted friends/family asked, or it came up in conversation, I would say.

This.

They won't make me permanent as they prefer much younger people (I am almost 61) and I am going blind (amd). I work 3 days a week and they want full time staff.

I think it can help people to be a bit more understanding if they know your circumstances, even if you don't discuss actual figures. My ex's business failed and he racked-up a LOT of debt, but he refused to let me mention anything about our situation to our friends. Even though I had a good job, I had to keep turning down invitations and finding excuses not to meet up, because I couldn't afford to go out. Eventually they all just assumed I had no interest in maintaining their friendship, and stopped inviting us anywhere.

Sorry to hear that. But my comment still stands, you are being paid more, just the agency are pocketing it.

I have no time for the ‘It’s vulgar to discuss money’ attitude, and its inevitable flipside of incredible nosiness about how much someone’s car, house or holiday cost.

Only DH knows what I earn, and vice versa. People don’t want to hear that someone is earning much more than them, and there’s plenty of threads on here showing people don’t like it when they find out their friend/relative is earning much more than they thought.

Also saves anyone crawling out to ask for loans etc

Agree with this, especially having seen the plethora of inheritance/will threads lately.

Nothing to do with gender.

I never ever discussed my parents’ finances with them and when my mum died I was amazed a) at how much they had and b) that my dad had no idea what they had!
Dad died last back end and I’ve been left with a substantial tax bill so I’m making sure that I talk to my own children.
They know that my assets are mine, although I have and will help out if they need it and they will inherit one day, but we need to take decisions as a family to avoid them being landed with big bills.
No one except my children has any idea about my financial position and it will stay that way.

I’m happy to discuss salary and pensions with colleagues - I think that openness there matters. I keep my savings and investments private. With friends, I’ll talk in general terms about plans and strategies, but our circumstances are so different that comparisons aren’t especially useful.

Family are the ones I have to be most careful around. Both my parent and sibling have a habit - I’ve had it happen multiple times - of complaining to me about what their friends or colleagues (people I don’t even know) earn, and insisting they don’t deserve it. So I know if I gave even the slightest hint about my own salary, that information would be treated in exactly the same way.

From what I've seen, family can be the most tricky when it comes to money.

I was the same with my Dad. It was a two way street and it’s one of the things I miss having someone to talk to as a second check about investments etc.

I believe teaching children about financial planning is a key skill.

I think this best suits wealthy people. Its only from my friends being open that I realised I was being .massively underpaid. I grew up with parents who did unskilled work so was very hard to navigate the professional working world.

My friends , and my siblings have a fair idea of my financial situation. I assume DH’s brother can figure it out as he is in the same profession, same industry.

But, neither DH nor I would ever discuss this with late MIL or DH’s sister, as their hands were always out.

I think it’s good to teach your children about finances, and it’s good for them to understand the family finances, but it’s not a frequent topic of conversation.