To think money is best kept private outside family?

[OpenHazelDreamer]

I was brought up not to talk about money and it’s something that’s stuck with me. I don’t even know what my siblings earn (obviously I do with my partner), and I’ve always seen finances as quite a private thing. I’m teaching my kids how to manage money but I’ve also told them not to discuss how much they have with people outside the family. My thinking is that nothing good really comes of it - people can get awkward, comparisons happen and relationships can go a bit funny.

AIBU to think it’s better to keep money private?

Indeed. I am just annoyed that sil has been given money yet has made no effort to sort out her finances. Bil was given money to help when his kids were small...he and his wife both worked, so I've got no issue with him being sided

We didn't have kids, failed IVF....no offer to finance treatment though.... again not bitter, we decided to stop ourselves and cash wasn't behind it

And if nobody talked about it you would have been none the wiser, and probably less resentful

I agree, I’d be really pissed off if my husband told his parents and siblings what I earn and what I spend. It’s not his information to tell.

And having to discuss big purchases… 🙈🙈🙈

Is this you and your kids meeting to discuss their finances every week? Does it include your parents too?
My initial reaction is to wonder why this weekly discussion is needed - why your adult married dcs don't have the confidence to run their own affairs. Do you not trust them to run their own affairs?

Ah don’t forget they also discuss big purchases… And why anyone would agree to this genuinely is beyond me!

There is being open and inviting the whole family into your financial lives

Broadly I think it’s good when people speak more openly about income and money, particularly women

I disagree. The only time I have talked about money to colleagues (I once mentioned in passing an inheritance I received) I got people asking and hassling me to borrow money off me and making snide comments about how "lucky" I was (right after my mum died).

As soon as people know you have even a small amount of money they feel entitled to it. You only have to see some of the CF threads on here. I wish I had kept my mouth shut and when/if it happens again I wont be telling a single soul.
Its noone else's business

It's so easy to know how much someone paid for a house or a car. Holidays too. Keeping money secret is for people who earn so much that it would be boasting to talk about it.

But that isn’t the same as discussing salaries with family and friends

And keeping money secret is for anyone values privacy

It's a bit of a weird thing to be bothered about discussing with family or friends but when people are really private about it, it can lead to people wondering and unwanted attention.
It's a bit like when I was a kid, my friend's mum wouldn't disclose her age to anyone. She wasn't old just very private. Looking back, she was probably only 35 when we were 8! You wouldn't believe the amount of discussions I've witnessed involving speculation about it. Her kids didn't/ don't know, my parents wondered, neighbours etc. She would even say things like she remembered my parents from college but refused to declare which year she was in. To this day, there is talk and speculation!
The lesson I learned is that you draw more attention to yourself when you keep shtum!

Only if you actively research it. If my SIL for example buys a 10 year old Peugeot 3008 I wouldn’t have a fucking clue how much that cost without looking it up online. And why would I do that?

Why is it weird? I don’t want to share all my information with anyone who doesn’t need it.

And if people are really going to gossip about average people and how much they earn, then that’s their issue and they probably need to get a life.

How would you know how much someone paid for a holiday? How would anyone know what you paid for your villa, hotels, flights, restaurants. Just recently booked a group tour to Asia - the difference in price was anywhere between £2 - £15k per person and after that you could upgrade your flight. I just couldn't price someone's holiday -not that I'd want to - who cares. My brothers have personal number plates, so people can't figure out how old (and therefore the cost) their cars are - who could be arsed?

I think that says more about the group you mix with that they were so fixated on someone's age. I can't decide whether it's funny or tragic.

I wish we would do this.

I will tell anyone who asks how much I earn and how much I have in savings. I wouldn’t share unprompted.

I drive a ten year old fiesta - even I can’t remember how much I paid for it, so good luck you working it out. And even if I drove a brand new Tesla, you wouldn’t know if I paid cash, got a bank loan or have it on lease or PCP.

It was just so weird. No one else concealed their age.
If you had a friend who simply would not divulge their age and would skirt any question that would possibly lead someone to knowing it, wouldn't you get kind of curious? It was just so unusual that it drew attention.

No I really wouldn’t get curious because I couldn’t be bothered to spend that time and effort gossiping about something which won’t be resolved.

I'm just saying you'd get a sense of their earnings based on property, cars and holidays. Not to the penny but a general idea. Also, a chat about the holiday would give the expense away. Btw I drive a 22 Yr old Yaris and love a budget holiday.

I can’t believe people would ask you that - some people are just crass!

So you'd be curious but wouldn't pursue it because there wouldn't be a solution?

No you wouldn’t - how would you know how they financed it for a start, whether it was savings, credit card, gift… Are you one of those people who does the calculations? Because that is really weird.

I don't understand why salaries are such a " secret" thing know What difference does it actually make if someone knows what you earn

No I wouldn’t be curious because why would I be interested?

What is it with some people feeling the need to be so nosey?

It's commonplace in many parts of the world you know. I've been on a train in India before and asked how much I earnt. Not uncommon question