To think money is best kept private outside family?

[OpenHazelDreamer]

I was brought up not to talk about money and it’s something that’s stuck with me. I don’t even know what my siblings earn (obviously I do with my partner), and I’ve always seen finances as quite a private thing. I’m teaching my kids how to manage money but I’ve also told them not to discuss how much they have with people outside the family. My thinking is that nothing good really comes of it - people can get awkward, comparisons happen and relationships can go a bit funny.

AIBU to think it’s better to keep money private?

Employers love when people are private about salaries, it enables them to keep pay low.

We should talk about money more, not less. You need to know that Tim who does a similar role to you at another company is earning 10% more. You need to know that salaries have drifted up and its time to ask for a raise.

I disagree, but it’s subjective obviously. I would prefer a more open mindset around money in general.

My husband’s salary and bonuses go into our joint account (he’s by far the higher earner). All our savings accounts are in my name. I’m 100% sure he doesn’t have any money stashed away without my knowledge, as I can see all of the money that comes into and goes out of our account.

People not discussing salary is how employers fuck over people… usually women and POC. You don’t need to discuss savings or investments but you should discuss wages.

I openly discuss finances with friends. It helps me to understand the differences in our approaches, and to be able to suggest activities that suit all our budgets. As someone who grew up in poverty, I love hearing about how other people approach managing their money.

I work for the NHS though, so my wage is easily found by anyone who knows what band my roles is (job title in my area is linked to role) and all my colleagues know what i earn.

I don't especially discuss finances with family members, as i don't find that helpful for me. Again my wage is easily found, so i do sometimes try to make sure family are aware of how much things cost (e.g. telling mum how much childcare is because she never used it, and has no idea how big a chunk that is, or telling her how much our mortgage costs as it was double what she would have thought it would be).

I really value transparency, but also have a great set of friends who would never take advantage of any finances we had (or used to have).

Not a chance am I discussing my salary with anyone.

Talking about salary with colleagues is a bad idea. Because it’s all fun and games until they find out you earn more than them!

I wouldn't share with anyone except DH.

Presume one day when I'm old and DS is helping me with life things he'll get a bit more involved but until then, literally no one except DH knows if we're worth £1 or £1m.

well if you're NOT going to discuss money with colleagues friends or family how are you going to learn and expand your financial health?
it was by talking to workplace colleagues that i learned about things like; workplace pension (yes at one point i was young and wanted the money and didn't think it worthwhile), workplace death in service benefits, workplace life insurance...all sorts of things that you may not pick up on during your one hour HR meeting?
next comes salary; again if you are unaware you might not ask for a suitable raise.
I learned so much about investing and long term savings plans along with the names of good financial planners from my workmates. Even tax savings and deductions.
When your working full time, up to your eyeballs busy with kids and clubs sometimes the only time i had to chat and learn about things like the stock market was at coffee break.

I don’t know why you wouldn’t discuss money with your parents. I know how much all of my children are earning. Apart from their spouses I’m the person that is most pleased for their success. They can’t wait to tell me they have a pay rise. Well done them, they work hard for it and are worth every penny

You don’t know why some wouldn’t discuss it with parents? I wouldn’t tell mine. In fact outside of the payroll and HR, there’s not another living soul who knows what I earn

I was brought up the same OP and I remember being so shocked when I got a bit older and people would ask me how much something cost. I think that's a very rude question to ask someone and I wouldn't dream of it.

It’s such a cultural thing, other cultures are far more open about money, see the Norway example. I’m in a job where my salary, along with others, is published in the local paper every year…. Not my name but it’s not hard to work out which is mine.

I don’t discuss money with my parents because I don’t want to.

No I don’t. We discuss everything as a family. No subject is off limits. Some were a little uncomfortable for me when they were young but I got over it. We meet around once a week a talk about what’s happened during the week. Their spouses don’t always join us but very often they do.

You don’t understand that every family is different though? If it works for you, great.

I don’t feel the need, as a 55 yo woman, to discuss my salary and finances with anybody. It’s private information and nothing to do with anyone else

I find the concept that people wouldn't be open about money with their spouse and children to be baffling. DH and I share everything, and we're already starting to include our 7 year old in conversations about savings, pensions, investments etc. We look at prices as we go round supermarkets, she knows what our weekly shopping budget is. She has a savings account, she can earn money by doing household chores. She's aware we've got a holiday budget, so if we go on an expensive trip now that will mean a cheaper trip later.

She has no idea how much we earn or have saved, but I'd absolutely share that information with her once it's age appropriate, and we'll do the same with our youngest. We'll also share our household budget so they can see how much everything costs. My parents did the same with me, I can't imagine going into adult life with absolutely no experience of participating in household finances.

I'm a big fan of everyone having a personal emergency fund, bit unless there's a history of abuse there's no need to hide it's existence. DH knows I've got a little stash just in case.

I’m an independent adult. There is absolutely no need for me to tell my parents my salary. Sure if people want to then that’s fine, but I don’t want to. I don’t think not telling them what I earn is adversely affecting anyone’s life.

Yeah or the opposite when I found out my male colleague earned 25% more than me for the same job and I got a 25% raise that year

Think it depends on the individual or family.

I know how much my siblings earn, they are younger than me and have all freely told
me when they have gotten new jobs or asking for advice about new jobs etc.
I am open with my parents about what I earn also. My best friend recently told me her salary as she wanted to discuss finances with me, as did my BIL when he was going for a big promotion. I also have friends and family who I have never discussed money with.

Some people are comfortable with it some aren’t

I work in public sector in uk and by law all job titles and salaries of those on over £50k are published in £5k bands so with fairly unique job titles you can work out who is getting what.
Not talking about money is fine until it isn't. MIL talks about not having much money then spends thousands on solar panels and new flooring. Or family mandating you come for an expensive meal and getting cross when you don't want to split the bill 50 / 50

Why ‘baffling’? Share info with a spouse maybe but nobody else.

It might not be your thing but people are different. I presume you will expect your children to be as open about money with you when grown up?

I don't think a blanket rule is necessary. I discuss money with some friends but not with others. Where I do, it's generally to share information we each think the other might find useful. One of my friends is not very financially literate but is now earning a lot of money so we talk about financial planning and why she should do X and Y. With other friends (who probably have more standard financial situations) it would never come up as a topic.

I'm happy to talk finances in detail with adult DCs. Talked about salaries, the decisions made both good and bad.

I dont talk finances with siblings. They have likely made assumptions about what I earn (little sister, probably doesnt earn much). Happy for that to continue.

You dont need to discuss your finances with anyone other than your spouse in any of the examples you have given
Its perfectly possible to educate yourself about money without revealing it to others
No good ever comes of it
Jealousy , entitlement or expectation
Its between me and DH and no one elses business