Son wouldn’t let me use his loo !

[zoovo]

I visited my 23 yr old Son over the weekend. I live 2.5hrs from him. Parked on his driveway and we headed straight out to lunch, shops etc. At the end of my visit I said I will use your loo before I leave and he said I couldn’t. Apparently his GF was in his home and she wasn’t ready to meet me due to anxiety. I said I only need a wee, I actually thought he was joking but he wasn’t. I left close to tears that he would do this to me. So I just left. I found a garden centre 25min into my journey home to stop off at. I’m still in disbelief that he treated me this way. I’m really hurt by this. I do have some medical issues at times which mean sometimes I really do need the loo urgently and he knows this. On this occasion it wasn’t to urgent but he didn’t know that. I don’t know how to move forward from this. Am I being unreasonable to feel so upset by this?

Poor chap. Sounds like he’s living with someone trapped in a severe mental health illness

Painting a girlfriend as crazy is a horrible thing to do @Oddlyfull

Op yanbu, very unkind of your son

Preposterous behaviour. The girlfriend could have just stayed in the bedroom.

That is weird ! Was his girlfriend hiding in the toilet? I would be telling him he was being ridiculous.

That's not what @Oddlyfull did though. If the girlfriend's anxiety is so bad she cannot even stand to let her boyfriend's mother walk past the room she's in then it indeed sounds like a severe mental illness.

Unless his GF was in the only bathroom and committed to being there for a long time, is their house not big enough that she could be in a different room whilst you used the loo?

It sounds mean and petty of him, if that was the genuine reason - and it wasn't something like an enormous unflushable turd that was blocking it and he was too embarrassed to admit it.

I would let him know how hurt you are OP.
It was not okay to treat you like this, anxious girlfriend or no anxious girlfriend.

I would imagine there's something going on he doesn't want you to know about. Does he definitely have a girlfriend? Could it be a man & he doesn't want you to know?

What on earth are you on about!

How about you pause, gather yourself and slowly reread my response @MousseMousse

the GF is very unreasonable as is your son. She could have hidden upstairs or elsewhere while OP had a pee.

How on earth do so many adults exist with such crippling anxiety? Do they get help? what is causing this? (we read so so so much about this here, i fear it is an epidemic)

All that aside: if my son said that to me, I'd not bother ever going back to his place. If i ask to use the loo, i need it now, not in 10 minutes when i got home.

Eh? Did I read the same post from Oddly as you did?

I know. So strange

I have suggested that @MousseMousse pause and reread

I'd forget about this. He should've communicated earlier that coming in to his house wasn't an option so you knew, you should've taken his first no as a full answer. Don't let it spoil anything, what's the point, no harm was done and you want to have a good relationship with him and his girlfriend. I think leaving in near tears was an over-reaction.

Honestly does not surprise me in the slightest with that generation. “No your mum cannot go for an urgent wee because I am prioritising my mental health and her urinating in a nearby room is just far to much for me right now”

Does sound very odd. Was the house a mess and he's embarrassed or something I wonder

More likely - girlfriend said you better tidy and clean if your mother is visiting, he didn’t bother so she said I’m not having her coming in the house when it’s in this state.

Possibly he’d left the toilet in a truly sickening state before coming out to meet you

My first thought was that the flat was an absolute tip and he didn’t want you seeing how bad it is.

Second thought… he could easily have popped in and told his gf that you were coming in to use the bathroom. She could’ve waited in the bedroom if not ready to meet you.

If she really has anxiety that bad, I would be very concerned that my ds has got himself into a relationship with someone with significant mental health issues.

It could also be that there are other parts to your DS’s life that he is not ready to share with you yet.

Rather than focusing on what he did to you at OP, try to think about what might be going on in your DS’s life right now that might be tricky for him.

This must be a wind up...even by Mumsnet standards this cannot be true..a house with only one room the toilet and your son had imprisoned his gf there and she can't move...due to her anxiety 🤔🤣

He could easily have warned the GF to stay inside a closed room while you used the loo.
My guess is, the place was a tip, the bathroom/loo were filthy, and he didn’t want you to see.

My money is on this

This is exactly what I am wondering.
Maybe the house is a tip?

I'd be really taken back by that!! Is the girlfriend an excuse for 'my house is trashed'

WTF this is rediculous, as someone who has suffered with anxiety and mental illness I honestly think he shouldn’t be pandering to her or enabling her this to this extent.

If his own mother can’t use his toilet this is a dire situation and she needs a really check.
Also why does her medical condition, trump yours?? She can lock herself in a bedroom while you go if she likes.

This sounds more likely. Something else is going on. One of my friends did things like this she was hiding the fact that her boyfriend had smashed things up in a rage