Son wouldn’t let me use his loo !

[zoovo]

I visited my 23 yr old Son over the weekend. I live 2.5hrs from him. Parked on his driveway and we headed straight out to lunch, shops etc. At the end of my visit I said I will use your loo before I leave and he said I couldn’t. Apparently his GF was in his home and she wasn’t ready to meet me due to anxiety. I said I only need a wee, I actually thought he was joking but he wasn’t. I left close to tears that he would do this to me. So I just left. I found a garden centre 25min into my journey home to stop off at. I’m still in disbelief that he treated me this way. I’m really hurt by this. I do have some medical issues at times which mean sometimes I really do need the loo urgently and he knows this. On this occasion it wasn’t to urgent but he didn’t know that. I don’t know how to move forward from this. Am I being unreasonable to feel so upset by this?

OP does say she asked again so it’s implied I think.

I know. Where does this mollycoddling shite end? The poor soul, it must be so hard work breathing all day.

She also says she thought he was joking,

Yes, she thought his saying no was a joke.

Oh yes - melodramatic to be afraid you'll wet yourself in public. But not remotely melodramatic to refuse your BFs mum popping in to use the loo because you're so terribly anxious! 🙄

The idea that the flat is so messy, or the loo caked in shite so the DS can't possibly let her see it is also ridiculous ... if he's ashamed of living in filth it's his own fault! Some of us were capable adults long before 23.

I'd tell him ''OK, I'm going to stand in the middle of the living room, drop my knickers and PEE all over your carpet, then you and her and clean it up!''

He wasnt allowed in the front door.

This. It was clearly an excuse because he didn't want his mother to see something. Nobody is that ridiculous and unreasonable in real life, surely?

Our children don’t owe us anything, OP. They didn’t ask to be born

Poor mental health can mean logic and reason go out the window unfortunately. Partners or families can often get co-opted into ‘helping’ in an effort to avoid the other person getting distressed.

OP has already said GF has significant MH problems that really require professional help. (She knew this before these events occurred.)
So I doubt DS was making an excuse. Still not okay to do that to his mum though.

OP sounds like a loving and supportive mother. Her son owes her respect.

I don’t think I could ever speak to him again after that, OP. I’d be distancing myself at the very least if not going full NC

I'm sorry, did I read that right? You are actually his guarantor for this property? I'd be telling the ungrateful little prick exactly how I felt about it and like hell would he be getting any more help from me.

And ?

As you are guarantor, please check if you are responsible for all aspects of the tenancy. It's usually the case that you are, so if the property is not kept in a reasonable condition by the actual tenant then you are also considered to be responsible. If the landlord does an inspection and it's filthy then you might get hammered for any subsequent costs in cleaning it etc. I'm saying this because many people don't understand what being a guarantor involves, it's a bit like being a tenant but not actually having residence there.

Our children owe us common human decency!

If adult children are happy to accept help and support from their parents, there should be a willingness to reciprocate. That's how relationships work.

It’s basic common courtesy to let someone use your loo, let alone your mum who’s travelled 2.5 hours to visit!

100%

They do when they choose us for guarantor! And they do owe us respect before that.

What an awful way of thinking.

I still think the gf might not have even been in the house @zoovo

I take it you've never had to deal with someone with significant mental health issues when they're having a bad day. For those of us who have, this kind of thing is entirely believable.

Have you ever had to deal with a person who HAS to go to the loo NOW?
Because many people really do need to do that.

Yes, sadly agree.