AIBU to challenge my partner's Sunday football commitment and family time?

[TheSoundOfHome]

AIBU to confront my partner about joining a football team that plays a competitive match every Sunday at 4pm? I feel it now puts Sunday 'on the clock' and means we can't really have a full day out as a family like we used to (we have two young kids aged 6 and 9). I thought we had a unwritten rule that weekends are sacred family time while the children are young but my partner has now unilaterally decided to take time out for themselves and break this arrangement. They say the Sunday match is non-negotiable and seem to take it for granted that I'll look after the kids between 3 and 6 every Sunday. Any thoughts on how I should best handle this (we've already unfortunately had a bust up!).

I can’t even imagine living a life like this, and certainly wouldn’t like it. You don’t appear to take any time to just do your own thing or exercise at all. I would think that’s important. You are both home from 6pm every evening, what are you doing with that time? I’d be out 1 or 2 evenings a week for an hour or two exercising. Half a day each for hobby/exercise time is a perfectly normal thing to do of a weekend. Our health is important, exercise is important.

but also, it sounds like you have in the past spent the entire weekend as a 4. I would say your children actually NEED some time to do their own thing too.

I do sometimes start without him but if it’s on the wall planner as “football 5.45-7.15” and I make food for 7.30 and he just doesn’t update me and then isn’t home
til almost 8pm then yes I am justifiably annoyed as he is meant to message and says he forgot to. I want us to eat together as that’s when we mostly talk.
As for where we live it’s over an hour to get to any sort of activity except a walk, restaurant or cinema as even getting to the motorway is an hour. If my daughter wanted to go to a big shopping centre for example by the time he is back and sorted we wouldn’t get there til after 3pm (we share a car and he takes it so it also effects if one of the kids needs to be somewhere like a party etc)
So I do feel he was a bit thoughtless when he agreed to it as he didn’t really explain his involvement but like I say I was glad he finally had a hobby but he has said he isn’t really enjoying it any more anyway

I guarantee when the weather gets bad again, he'll be finding excuses to stay at home.

Yes, but those are issues to do with you living so remotely and only having one car, rather than anyone having a hobby, or doing some volunteering.

Plus, of course the weird allocating most of Sunday to ironing . I mean, THAT seems to be a bigger issue than the supporting the community through managing the boys' football team, to me.

Buy another car as you obviously need one. How many evening did you say he's training? One or 2. How about the other 5? If you made food for 7.30 eat then

Don't you do anything yourself?

Maybe they can't afford to just buy another car!
So he wants to use your shared car and leave you with the kids every weekend. Fuck that! He hasn't even asked - I honestly don't get why people put up with this shit.

It's a few hours on a Sunday evening!

Even so, when you're in a marriage with kids and shared resources, you can't unilaterally decide to take yourself off out every week (and I really doubt it will only be a few hours on Sunday - I suspect there will be additional training, drinks after the game etc) and assume your children's other parent will just take care of everything. Or don't ever want the use of the car!
Or that they'll be happy to have every Sunday curtailed by this new hobby. It limits the whole day. It's worth a conversation and it's selfish and entitled to just do it, with no discussion.

Teacher here OP 🙋🏼‍♀️

Why on Earth is your OH getting back past 6pm every day?! I leave school at 3.30pm every day as I have to collect my children, the exceptions being the Twilights, of which there are 6 per year and parents evenings.

I also have 1 department meeting per week which I join via teams and have on through the car speaker.

Any work I need to do I do after my children have gone to bed/I work through my break and lunch regularly to minimise/eliminate this.

Sounds to me like your OH is ducking out of parenting responsibilities, using work as a cover.

Who has the children in the school holidays? I do 95% of this!

Everyone is entitled to a hobby and playing sports is good for your physical and mental health.

I would make sure that you also get time for yourself to do something beyond work and childcare while your partner looks after the kids.