AIBU to challenge my partner's Sunday football commitment and family time?

[TheSoundOfHome]

AIBU to confront my partner about joining a football team that plays a competitive match every Sunday at 4pm? I feel it now puts Sunday 'on the clock' and means we can't really have a full day out as a family like we used to (we have two young kids aged 6 and 9). I thought we had a unwritten rule that weekends are sacred family time while the children are young but my partner has now unilaterally decided to take time out for themselves and break this arrangement. They say the Sunday match is non-negotiable and seem to take it for granted that I'll look after the kids between 3 and 6 every Sunday. Any thoughts on how I should best handle this (we've already unfortunately had a bust up!).

I think it's okay for both partners to have some time for themselves, and as far as weekends go I think Sunday afternoon is the best time because you're had family time and the children can just relax at home at that point. Does your partner have any other hobbies? Your children are at the easiest ages, where they aren't preschoolers that need constant supervision but also not young teens that need taking all over the place for their own sport/social commitments so I'd think a few hours of parenting on your own on Sunday afternoon would be very manageable. Do you have time for a hobby yourself?

Honestly I can't see why 4pm on a Sunday really sucks? You can go out at say 10am and be back for 3pm, it's much better than a hobby in the morning or early afternoon. Just make sure you also get some hobby time for yourself OP.

Saturday can be the "family day", you can take some time out for yourself on Sunday morning. You sound a bit controlling tbh. It's fine to want an equal amount of child free time, but it sounds more like this is you wanting to have control of the whole weekend.

It sounds nothing like that, it just sounds like she doesn’t want her Sundays dictated to for the next few years.

You say you wfh full time in the week: who does the weekday parenting and any drop offs / pick ups, meals etc? If you do much more than DH this affects my view about his hobby time at weekends.

YABU for ‘sacred family time’ and wanting that all weekend, every weekend. Days out could be done on Saturdays and you could take equivalent time out at another time on Sundays.

It’d be worth saying that ‘all bets are off’ if/when one or both DC do activities at weekends - likely once your eldest is 11+

I understand why you would feel like this. It is frustrating having a day taken up knowing you need to be back at a certain time. Like you were often do family days at the weekend.
As others say, can you make sure Saturday is the protected day for doing any day trips?

My partner used to play semi-professional football on Saturdays, he would leave at 12 and get home at 7 for a 3pm kick off. It nearly broke us up
tbh, he didn’t understand why I resented being the default childcare every Saturday for 8 months of the year. I do get where you’re coming from but I think I would have preferred a Sunday late afternoon but that may be because our Sunday afternoons are usually spent at home getting ready for the week.

That time is usually prep for the week ahead anyway. You've got all of Saturday and 2/3 of Sunday, sounds pretty healthy to me.

Another way to view it is "why do so many mums not set aside some time for their own interests/ hobbies/ sports?"

I took up C25k as a way to get fit around the needs of a BF baby and got quite into running, and by the time he was 18m, I fell in love with half-marathons. I was an early riser anyway so could get runs of up to 2 hours in fairly early on a Sunday morning.

The big issue is commitment and intrusion into family time, but the time slot for this isn't too bad and allows for a decent chunk of family outing time earlier in the day. If it was around lunchtime cleaving the day in two, that would be an issue.

Sometimes men's/ dads hobbies posts are about them being a selfish, avoident idiot. Sometimes they're not that unreasonable and are more about the woman/ mum not prioritising a proportionate chunk of time for herself.

In the end my running mutated into family time via junior parkrun and I've now got teenagers who love running for themselves so my "me time" turned out to have a long term family benefit.

Football, whether competitive or not, isn’t usually played all year.

One day, your kids will want to be with their friends, and not be remotely interested in family time.

I’d just develop my own hobby.

I have voted YABU

You need to be more flexible. It is only a good thing for adults to have hobbies and do something for their own physical and mental health. Your kids are not tiny anymore. Take this as a learning experience to do something for yourself as well.

Find yourself a hobby too, Saturday morning Pilates, Sunday park run etc. then you have all of Saturday, all of Sunday - be back by 3 (which is loads of time when your kids are so young), then go and watch or just have chill time till he gets back. It’s good for kids to see parents active and social. Surely you can’t be doing something together all weekend the entire length of the days?
The problem heading your way is when they hit 11+, dropping off for dance competitions, football pick ups, basketball tournaments, cricket seasons. Good luck!

YABU. Use Saturday as your family day out and Sunday as more relaxed. I think it would be unfair to say he has to stop his hobby. It’s good to stay active.

But she wants to dictate his Saturdays and his Sundays!

It's reasonable for him to want to have his own choice of activity for 3 hours out of a whole weekend (as long as he's equally happy to do solo childcare so that OP equally has 3 hours to pursue her own interests.)

I think you'll find Sunday lunch will disappear (whoever planned to cook it) as he will not be wanting to run around for 90 minutes on a full stomach.

YABU. Exercise is essential for physical and mental wellbeing. Having a hobby is a good thing. I would be actively encouraging it. But I would also have a hobby. I find it strange that people live by rules about keeping days for family time or days out. Just live your lives. It’s also good for kids to see that their parents are people in their own right and have interests , friends, hobbies etc.

I don’t know what WFH during the week has to do with family time on a weekend.

take some time for yourself on Sunday morning and have Saturday as family time and family breakfast on a Sunday? You could do your own thing from 10am-1pm on a Sunday after breakfast. Your weekends will change as time goes on anyway as the kids get friends and hobbies etc.

Haha exactly.so you’ve always spent the whole weekend together? That’s mad to me. My DH and I always have a few hours each to ourselves each weekend. I’d go mad otherwise. Just make sure you take a few hours for yourself to. Having a hobby is good especially an active one.

It’s just the assumption, though, isn’t it? That she’ll be there to pick up the slack every single week (in season). What happens if she wants to do something on a Sunday? Does he cancel the game or will she need a babysitter? What happens when the DC have activities or parties in opposite directions? Does she have to make one miss out because DH has football? I’d go out one Sunday and not be back in time for football - see how he likes it!

YABU. He's taking some time out to do something he enjoys, which involves physical activity and being social with other men.

Also, the football season generally runs in winter for less than half a year. What else are you going to do with that time?

You should find your own way to do something you enjoy rather than stopping someone else's enjoyment.

Hopefully, OP will be like my family and not do Sunday dinner anyway! She doesn’t mention it, so perhaps they don’t do it anyway!

@Offherrockingchairyou can work these things out week by week depending on the priority. I really love my husband so I wouldn’t want to ruin his hobby on purpose by deliberately going out so he missed it.
I don’t think it’s a bad thing sometimes for children to understand that they are not the only people in the household and that parents also have things they would like to enjoy.

Unless he does something every night of the week then 3 hours on a Sunday isn’t unreasonable.
Take the kids to watch him play sometimes. And it won’t be every Sunday, the season ends soon!

There's loads you can do on a Sunday, you have all day Saturday for big days, Sunday you can have Sunday lunch out. Farmers markets, soft play, anything really!
Having a commitment at 4pm is not putting the day on a clock at all.