AIBU to challenge my partner's Sunday football commitment and family time?

[TheSoundOfHome]

AIBU to confront my partner about joining a football team that plays a competitive match every Sunday at 4pm? I feel it now puts Sunday 'on the clock' and means we can't really have a full day out as a family like we used to (we have two young kids aged 6 and 9). I thought we had a unwritten rule that weekends are sacred family time while the children are young but my partner has now unilaterally decided to take time out for themselves and break this arrangement. They say the Sunday match is non-negotiable and seem to take it for granted that I'll look after the kids between 3 and 6 every Sunday. Any thoughts on how I should best handle this (we've already unfortunately had a bust up!).

Not even half a day is it? It's 3 hours out of 48

Wouldn’t bother me that much. DC often had parties on the weekend or clubs. No time was ‘sacred’, thst deemd bizzare to me. Obviously if something really important came up I’m sure he could miss it for a week.
You can get equal time to yourself on Sun morning or Saturday at some point?

At 4pm the weekend is over and I would be getting things ready for next school, working day.

Thanks all for your comments.
I'm responsible for school drop off/pick up Weds/Thurs/Fri so juggle working from home with keeping the kids happy and feeding them dinner. OH doesn't get back from work until after 6pm (they are a teacher). I do look forward to sharing the childcare duties at weekends!
Guess my main thing about the 4pm match is its rigidity (the league even fine for non-attendance if you've put your name down!) and with long summer days ahead, it just adds a restriction to the day that I don't like. But I will try to get used to it!

Football was, and should be, a winter game. Tell your DH to find a team that plays September-March and leaves April-August for family activities.

It will be 5 a side I expect.

I went to the gym 10-11 this morning, my husband had a social thing 2-4. We've had the rest of the day together. We have 2 young kids

What did you both agree before having the kids? Some people say you get so many days to do your own thing, some say all non working time should be family. Don't suppose any is wrong as long as both partners agree, but I would say it's good for everyone to have some non-child time, personally, so we agreed on times and adapted depending what we were working etc.

Who looks after the children through the school holidays?

A hobby most weekends - great. The rigidity of it every single Sunday as a non negotiable I'd have an issue with. No going away for a bank holiday weekend, or coming back late from a day out. No Sunday afternoon BBQs. No option for you to go to something if it arose.

A firm commitment every week works better in the week because they have less variation and spontaneity.

I would be taking exactly that amount of time on a saturday, leaving the house and going somewhere, anywhere that isn't home.

And see how long football lasts.

It’s not year round, most leagues are September-May with a few weeks off at Christmas. So you have the summer months without football.
It’s healthy for people to have hobbies and ‘me time’ outside of work and home life. You need this too, pick something to do just for you on Sunday morning and then have Saturdays for family days out etc.

Hopefully you aren’t trying to work from home and look after young children simultaneously! It sounds like football isn’t really the problem, it’s the rest of the week. If you’re juggling loads can you sort out more childcare so your weekdays aren’t so one sided?

Don't get too used to family time being compromised unilaterally like this, though. I fully understand why the timing of this hobby is such a pain, and I would be deeply disappointed if my DH had pulled a shit move like this when the kids were young.

"Partner wants 3 hours a week for hobby, ive said no. AIBU?"

Also, "sacred family time" 🤢

Gosh you do come across angry! So you’d do that in a vindictive way?
”how dare you have an interest of your own!”

does Seem weird. Last reply from @TheSoundOfHome

they are a teacher

why not say he/she

is it a female wanting to play footie

Do your family day out on a Saturday? Honestly it seems like a bit of a non-issue.

His mental and physical health are very important. Football matches will run on approx 25 weekends only

I agree with a previous poster - take the kids along to watch their dad, they might enjoy it or have fun on the sidelines (just watch out for fruity language 🤣). I remember as a child going to watch my dad play, and then took my son to watch his dad play until I had #2, then he used to just go with his dad and hang out on the sideline. It won’t be all year round - men’s football matches don’t often happen through the summer as the pitches are too hard.
And I would only start to worry or object if he talks about running a team or getting involved within a club - you might never see him again (I talk as a current football widow)…

Football season is exactly that, a season, not all year. Why can't your dh do what he enjoys?...Plus keeping himself fit and healthy. Are you a little fed-up that you didn't think of a hobby for yourself, that could have took you outside the home & away from your dc....Atleast he is home at night, not propping up a bar most nights. I think you are overreacting. We all need a little time to do what we enjoy, why don't you do something during the week and make Saturday a family day....?

and with long summer days ahead, it just adds a restriction to the day that I don't like.

Well, leagues have to finish by end of May, so that seems to leave the "long Summer days" free.

I'm responsible for school drop off/pick up Weds/Thurs/Fri so juggle working from home with keeping the kids happy and feeding them dinner.

The pair of you not arranging wrap around school care for the hours you are both working really is a different issue, and nothing to do with your partner's very sensible decision to sign up for a hobby that will help probably with both physical and mental fitness.
Sort that out separately.
But also find yourself something you enjoy. It doesn't have to be the same day, or even at the weekend, or even exactly the same length of time, but find something that relaxes and reinvigorates you. Could be a sport / exercise, but equally could be a choir, book club, political campaign group, some bhangra dancing, a car mechanics course or some volunteering somewhere - whatever floats your boat, but a bit of ringfenced time each week doing something you want to do and look forward to each week.

I thought we had a unwritten rule that weekends are sacred family time while the children are young

Did you discuss this with your partner and come to this decision together? It seems awfully restrictive to make weekends family time only, especially if it's a unilateral decision. Your partner is not happy with a completely child focused weekend and I don't blame them.

How do you get to do activities if you're working? A lot of sports, yes, are on weekends. 4 pm seems reasonable, you have most of the day to do something yourself or with the kids if you choose.

What a fantastic attitude to relationships...🙄

Sadly I think YABU. You’ve decided it’s not ok for your partner to spend 3 hours out the house on a weekly basis but that’s not much different to you earmarking all day Sunday as ‘family time’. You’re placing a commitment on everyone’s time on a regular basis for a much longer period. You sound like you need a break and some time for yourself.

Family life will change constantly it doesn’t do well to have such rigid attitudes. At some point your kids will have commitments on a Sunday too whether that be sports clubs, school parties or when they’re older hanging out with friends.