AIBU to challenge my partner's Sunday football commitment and family time?

[TheSoundOfHome]

AIBU to confront my partner about joining a football team that plays a competitive match every Sunday at 4pm? I feel it now puts Sunday 'on the clock' and means we can't really have a full day out as a family like we used to (we have two young kids aged 6 and 9). I thought we had a unwritten rule that weekends are sacred family time while the children are young but my partner has now unilaterally decided to take time out for themselves and break this arrangement. They say the Sunday match is non-negotiable and seem to take it for granted that I'll look after the kids between 3 and 6 every Sunday. Any thoughts on how I should best handle this (we've already unfortunately had a bust up!).

I wouldn’t like the rigidity of the commitment, a hobby is fine but I don’t think it’s fair or necessary to have a set time each week

But then you're basically saying "a hobby is fine but it can't be a team sport".

Not really most teams can operate flexibly as they have larger numbers than they need for a game. I can't see why attendance is non negotiable.

YANBU. He should have least discussed it with you IMO.

He should have discussed it with you but it is fairly normal for people to do hobbies at the weekend.
My DH plays in football but the games are at different times every week which is more of a pain tbh. At least you can make plans around that 4pm kick off.

It won’t be long before your 9 year old is spending weekends out with friends anyway or they have their own hobbies and commitments.

Just make sure you build in some time in the week where you get a break.

Yanbu. That's no Sundays out during football season.

All family units are different, and treat weekend time differently.

Playing football doesn’t have to be such a commitment.

5 a side runs all year and the 11 aside season has ended now and the partner would not be newly joining a team.

Next year's update will be "how many training sessions is it reasonable for my partner to go to every week? ".

I would take up a hobby on Sunday mid-mornings. DO can take care of kids.

You need to start carving out time for yourself like he is doing.

Speaking from experience of living with a football player, there are real dangers with a partner who decides to take up a competitive team sport after the relationship has started. Mine was playing when we married so that was different.

There are different dynamics at play in competitive team sports participation, especially, imo, football and rugby.

I coach womens football and my team (and otehr teams in the league) have several mothers. I think the youngest child is 18 months. Our games are during the week cause nobody want to train or play on the weekends (this included parents and non-parents). Few tomes a year there are conflicting schedules with the other parent and we get some little ones on the bench.

The football by itself doesn’t sound bad but it depends on the context. Why are they as a teacher getting home at 6? Do they have a long commute or are they electing to plan and prep at work and leave the parenting and after school madness to you? As most parents who are teachers rush home to be present with their family and plan and prep after. If they were ducking out of parenting on a day to day basis and then at the weekend, yes I’d be raging.

Agree with pp's who suggest getting the kids interested. Sport, team sports in general can be an important stress buster in our busy lives, as well as having all the well known.physical and mental health benefits. Dare I say much more so than family days out!

Be thankful it's not cricket, all day games though a shorter season than football which intrudes into those precious few weeks of the cricket season and is dangerous as the ground becomes harder. Cricket-loving family person here.
I think a fine for not turning up is entitely reasonable if it's not for a good reason...it',s a team effort

What a stupid comment, the majority of hobbies involved a set time. Honestly OP you need a hobby yourself. The mums I know who struggled the most when their kids became teenagers and moved out were the ones who did nothing but parent and work for years. You need your own interests.

I have my own interests and hobbies, and my husband has his own interests and hobbies. Neither of us would like a hobby that took us out of the house with young children, non- negotiable every Sunday afternoon.

The OP isn’t saying her husband can’t have a hobby and if you can’t see that then I’m not the one that’s stupid…

How would you propose anyone organises a team sport hobby (or anything that isn't solo) without a rigid set time?!

Golf? Tennis? Football? Running? Triathlons? Gym? Swimming?

Not every team sport has to take out an afternoon in the week, hobbies can also comprise of non team sports

So no-one should play a team sport once they have a partner/family?

My adult daughter plays in a football league. At least half of her team mates have young children. And somehow they still enjoy family life. And their matches are at 2pm. If OP's partners matches are at 4pm, I'd count that as a bonus.

No not at all, and if you’d seen my other post I said that every family is different and every treat weekend time differently so it’s what works for your family. If a set time every weekend doesn’t work for the OPs family it doesn’t mean that her husband is banned from having a hobby

I'm sorry OP, I don't think this is unreasonable. Provided or course that you still get some family time at weekends and you get the opportunity to pursue hobbies equally.

Sacred family time🤢🤢 it's fine. Just take some time for yourself on a different day.

Can’t you just do a family day out on a Saturday, ask him to take kids out Sunday morning & then accept he is out 3-6.

It sounds like he does some school drop offs & is presumably around all school hols to take kids out.

I would say YABU - but then DH always just went to footy. Do your children not do any weekend sports?

I agree. So that the OP has built a solo social life, and her selfish doesn't-value-family partner can get used to fielding the kids without her. Cos divorce is not far away, with this level of mis-matched priorities

As someone upthread says, soon it will be training sessions during the wee. They away matches, team weekends...

The partner here has shown how little they value time as a family, snd how little they care for OP's resentment.

I know what you’re saying. It would irritate me, this idea of having to be back etc. What about if he missed one game in every four would that work better? Then take children along every so often. If he loves it I would try to go with it and would take the opportunity to unwind with the kids whilst he’s out.

Football season is coming to an end now so that gives you the Sunday’s in summer to have family days out.

How many teams are in his League? If there are 12 teams that is 24 games across the season, perhaps a couple of friendlies/cup games. Season presentations are typically in May/ early June as trials begin in June for September start.

All of those are solo except golf, tennis and football.

I play tennis and you have to book courts ahead of time with your partner and then stick, rigidly, to those set times.

It should be obvious that football requires rigid set times to get an entire team together at the same time.