AIBU to challenge my partner's Sunday football commitment and family time?

[TheSoundOfHome]

AIBU to confront my partner about joining a football team that plays a competitive match every Sunday at 4pm? I feel it now puts Sunday 'on the clock' and means we can't really have a full day out as a family like we used to (we have two young kids aged 6 and 9). I thought we had a unwritten rule that weekends are sacred family time while the children are young but my partner has now unilaterally decided to take time out for themselves and break this arrangement. They say the Sunday match is non-negotiable and seem to take it for granted that I'll look after the kids between 3 and 6 every Sunday. Any thoughts on how I should best handle this (we've already unfortunately had a bust up!).

That's a exactly what I thought!

A lot here depends on what else your partner does at home, whether he’s generally supportive. He should definitely have talked to you about it.
He probably just needs some time doing something for himself but hasn’t articulated this well because he knew you’d be upset.
I would lean towards trying to accommodate him and maybe finding something you want to do when he takes the kids for you.
Can you have family days out on Saturday
or Sunday morning instead.

My husband also plays competitive football on Sundays but doesn’t get called every week. He was good about it though, he was getting quite down and eventually told me he needed to do something more than just work and family time. It does work because I get some time alone with the children.

My dad used to play cricket and I have fond memories of going as a family. Watching then playing with the other kids of parents playing and then Picnic tea and home and almost time for bed

go with him. Take a book. Usually at parks so kids run about

and yes make sure have some own time sun am

an Saturday be your family day. Unless kids have activities or go after

It would annoy me too, but I don’t think you’ll get anywhere if you keep arguing about it.

When you’ve both cooled down, maybe a conversation to say you thought you’d agreed x re family weekends, you were hurt that he’s unilaterally changed that, but how can you now move forward?

Suggestions:

• You ringfence Saturdays now for family days and both firm agree on that
• You make a new Sunday afternoon tradition with just you and kids- ice cream in park? Hot chocolate in a cafe? Movie time?
• You ringfence some time just for you where he looks after kids

I'd bet my bottom dollar that a match at 4pm soon turns into going for "just one drink with the team" after ........

And I used to enjoy our days out together on Sundays, perhaps my partner less so?!

It doesn’t mean he doesn’t enjoy your days out as a family, but he’s been offered a chance to join a club/sport that he enjoys and he wants to try it. And why not? It’s important for parents to still have hobbies and socialise. Do you have any hobbies? Do you see friends, have time away from the children?

Do you have big family days out Saturday and Sunday? Can you not make Saturday the “big” day out, and still do something nice on Sunday that ends by 4pm? To be honest I think 4pm is a pretty decent time, it allows you to still have the majority of the day together. It would be worse if it was 12-3pm or something, slap bang in the middle of the day. Or if you begrudge him having time away from the kids and you don’t, you say you want Sundays 9-12 to yourself to go out, grab coffee with a friend, do something for you. Then you have a few hours in the afternoon to do something all together. I don’t know. I just really don’t think this is that bad. You’ve still got SO much family time at the weekend to do nice things together.

And..? I go for a drink after a class sometimes 🤷‍♀️

The fact that the he has assumed she will do it without discussion.

You’re right. Dh would probably just be sitting on his arse while op did everything as usual…

If this is a bloke, then the group think behaviour of male football and rugby teams is not unlikely to lead to a longer and longer time in the pub.

Personal experience of a football playing husband who didn't like the drinking culture but had to work very hard to be accepted by the team and get to play, and still get home to get on with the rest of his day.

It's what men who like those sports do. NAMALT, obviously 🙃

She has assumed an unwritten rule without discussion either

And she hasnt been back to update either

Can’t you have a day out on the Saturday? And you can still do family local stuff Sunday morning and early afternoon.

And the op made their own assumptions

It's not reasonable you get no time to yourself, but you don't seem to be upset about that (you really should have some time to yourself, even if you love family time). If he's otherwise a proper parent (i.e. equal share of caring and mental load etc), then I think YABU. By 4pm, Sunday is pretty much over. You can still have a full day out and he can go straight to football. Maybe you should have at least one evening where you go out during the week, or do something for youself (hobby, club, seeing friends, just reading the paper in a coffee shop etc), so you both get equal time to yourselves, and there's still plenty of time to do things as a family.

So it’s a “how dare you hate your own hobbies and commitments! We need to see what the kids want to do first then work around that!” ?

No, you lost me on this one. If Sunday was your only free day you might have a point. But you both have the whole weekend off. He's entitled to a hobby, and late Sunday afternoon is far from the worst time to do it.

Um...nope. The 'how dare you' bit isn't in there at all. But there is only so much parents can do that's a truism. What happens if one of the kids wants to take up football- with a different set of rigid weekend commitments- or are they just not allowed to? So given the choice many people would prioritise the kids activities. If that happened she'd be accommodating other people's football for most of the weekend- and the kids is even more non negotiable because you don't want them distanced from peers.

But it might be a bit if a ' how dare a football team assume a father is free every week and where did the idea it's non negotiable come from? ' Why can't they have subs and operate flexibly. Like we expect workplaces to do.

Have own hobbies not hate!

I have to agree with this. I used to hate football but having a football mad DD who still plays now aged 17 I’ve literally had to give up weekends to it since she was 5! Shit happens…

Sunday at 4, the weekend's basically over anyway. Surely by that time, 9 out of 10 weekends, you'd be at home anyway, getting things sorted for the week ahead?

If this is a new thing, I think I'd just wait it out. A football game on a sunny spring evening is quite pleasant. Less so in November. Hobbies that come out of nowhere tend to fizzle out just as quickly IME.

Sunday isn’t ruined! You have 6hrs beforehand to do things. It’s normal to want to do things on your own for a couple of hours. Do your children not want to do any activities such as swimming lessons? I think enforced ‘family time’ all weekend sounds like a family who has to be made to enjoy each others company.

There's no hate here just rational conversation. Can you name other hobbies which are non negotiable.

It seems a very convenient time to me. You have all day Saturday for family days out, plus all of Sunday morning plus a leisurely lunch. And he’ll generally then be home for dinner. You can’t ring fence ALL of his non-working time as “family time”, that’s just ridiculous!

Was actually correcting my own typo from earlier! Forgot to say so that post doesn’t make much sense! 😳 other than sounding like a “make love not war” type slogan! 😆