To be furious with DH for this?

[Coffeecherrymama]

First night home since giving birth and DH has gone out with his mates drinking and still isn’t home and he isn’t answering any calls or messages. He didn’t give me any choice, he just said he was going out with his “mates” and then left and said he would be back before 10pm but he’s still not home! I’m so angry that he has just left me here with our newborn when he knows I’m struggling but his mum says I’m overreacting and that he’s “entitled to a night out”! I feel like I could just cry to be honest! AIBU?

Yes, they do, for elderly people who don't have phones.

Oh fuck me, he would be kicked out for staying out all night and coming home throwing up everywhere, but especially when you add on his little Ibiza holiday just after his baby is born. Absolutely fuck that. Off to his parents who sound like that’s where he got his entitled twatness from.
You’re better off without him. FFS. It would put me right off him and we would be over.

And drunk 20 somethings apparently!

He doesn't want to be married with children any more, Coffee. Face facts, he is far too immature for the implications of all that.

You are in a dreadful position here but if you can afford to kick him out, do. At the very least it will be a wake up call for him, make him grow up.

Not many men are married with two kids at 25 these days. You are young too, you deserve a better life.

In fairness, I'm in my 30s and I usually do print copies out of most tickets to anything, because I have anxiety that I won't be able to pull up the e-tickets when I need them. Manage it by creating myself a physical back up.

As someone who is involved in courts helping lots of litigants in person (women): a LOT of these responses will see you far far worse off legally. Do not do any of these. You will end up stunned at how quickly his legal team will be able to characterise you as an abuser in the relationship. And you would have handed them the evidence. Because that is precisely how the courts or anyone who has ever studied a single law textbook will characterise the following.

• Changing the locks to exclude a co-owner = Unlawful eviction (Protection from Eviction Act 1977)
• Locking a co-owner out of their home = Unlawful eviction / interference with right to occupy
• Filming him drunk is filming someone incapacitated in a private home without consent = Misuse of private information / breach of privacy
• Filming and using footage to control or distress = Controlling or coercive behaviour (Serious Crime Act 2015)
• Seizing or withholding someone’s passport = Theft / controlling or coercive behaviour
• Destroying his ticket or giving it to your sister = as above.
• Defacing or destroying someone’s passport = Criminal damage / theft

OP you are in a highly vulnerable state post birth. Come off MN, enjoy your babies . Ask your sister to take you somewhere nice even if it’s a nice hotel. If indeed your DH has funds to be going to Ibiza with you can go to a hotel for a couple of days with your sister. Such an expense is arguably necessary for your mental health, marriage and judging from some of the wild suggestions, at this stage, for your liberty too.

Has he gone? Do you have friends and family that can help you recover ?

Is he conscious yet?

Has he anything to say for himself?

What a prince!

can you go to your parents?

definately kick him out. Pack up all his stuff and change the locks when he goes to Ibiza

Did he tell you when he booked the Ibiza trip, seems a tad selfish to not tell you at all,,,

OP next time a healthcare professional comes to see you (not sure how often that is now) tell them what is going on and they might be able to direct you to agencies for support. His behaviour is unacceptable both in terms of caring for you and caring for your children. Going on an all night bender when your wife has just got home from having a baby is not “high jinx” or a “party lifestyle” ; it is abuse.

No. I had no idea about it

Why do you have to wait for his father? His behaviour is unacceptable. Tell him to leave. Absolutely no use to you - especially if he’s going to Ibiza Tuesday.

hes clearly been taking drugs to be still drinking at 9am so I wouldn’t want him around the children. Have you checked his pockets to check there are no empty bags or left over drugs around that your toddler could potentially pick up

Wow what an awful man and to not even tell you it seems like his mum may be an enabler aswell put your foot down now or it will only get worse also take his passport or seriously consider kicking him to the curb hope your okay this must be awful for you

Yanbu...as a man myself I am scratching my head as to why husband would rather be with his boozy mates rather than the tiny miracle that has just been brought into this world
I don't get it at all !

His mother sounds like an enabling excuse making arsehole. So many awful piece of shit men have mothers like this. These man have normally been brought up in plain sight of their mothers being kept in line and treated like second class citizens who will also go on to expect their future DIL or son’s female partners to have set the bar so low it’s akin to fucking potholing
let her take care of her little baby boy. Fuckers.

At this point you remove his passport and play dumb when he goes looking for it and don’t tell him you know about Ibiza.

OP I'm so mad for you! Have just seen the thread and read all your comments.

Let him go to Ibiza and while he's there file for divorce.

He's clearly not ready to be a decent husband and father. Cut him loose.

And don't rely on his parents going forwards for back up as they've clearly created and encouraged this fucking man child. 😡

I was hugely supportive of OP when this thread started, but it is beginning to feel a little bit like jumping the shark.

Coming home pissed at 3am I can see, but by 9am are most people not into the passed out or hungover stages? I also agree that a 25 year old printing boarding passes for a flight to Ibiza is hard to believe.

If this is true then agree with comments that OP should just let him go and then use the time while he is out of the house to either put his stuff in a skip (or at his useless mum’s) and change the locks, or else find alternative accommodation for herself and her DCs.

Yeah, it's always the mum's fault! 🙄
Sometimes adult kids can be dickheads, but hey blame the mum.

Although to be fair in this case the mum does sound just as bad.... 😁

I’m wondering whether thr husband has the wrong idea about what paternity leave is for? OP how many weeks does he have off work?

Ofc!

and how is this related ? 😂

Time to leave Op.

Nobody except your own straw man made any claims about “always”. You didn’t read the thread about this specific mother, did you?