AIBU for making a harsh comment to DH about our sex life?

[HungryJ]

DH and I have had issues with our sex life for a while now and I have to admit I resent him for it. He keeps promising to try and improve things but this lasts a couple of days at most.

We had yet another argument this morning, and were shopping this afternoon. On the way back to the car, a man passed us in a vest who’d clearly been to the gym.

DH made a sarky comment to me when we sat in the car about my eyeing him up.

I replied ‘yeah, need to make sure I remember him for when I use my toy tomorrow when you’re working’.

DH snapped that I was out of order. I told him I stand by what I said. I’m just feeling so fed up.

He has asked them increasingly recently; I usually laugh them off but I’d had enough today hence my response.

Does he talk to you about it ? Does he say he feels down or lost attraction or has a low sex drive ? Has he always been like it or just recently? Cos maybe he has a low sex drive

That is so horrible. If this was the other way round it would be appalling and everyone would be telling your husband to LTB

I wouldn’t want to have sex with you either you sound awful

It sounds like he is feeling insecure and maybe a conversation about that would be more helpful?

Ew @HungryJ you’re gross!

anyone making a comment like yours to me wouldn’t get another shag ever. That’d be game over

you resent him and have nothing but contempt, you just killed what was left of your relationship

I’ve suspicions around his sexuality.

About a year ago, there was no issue - regularly happened and equally instigated.

He went through a stage of enjoying ‘pegging’, I eventually stopped this as it started to turn me off him.

Since then, we’ve had the issues. He says he’d be more up for it if we re-introduced that. Not going to happen.

I might sound like a bitch, but I can assure you I’ve tried the softly softly approach.

Can you reassure us no children on either side or together?

No.

But I'm saying you're making a false equivalence.

Have you ever been long term with a woman before?

Yes, I thought that it felt more like a reaction to being repeatedly questioned, rather than you just being a nasty cow,as others seem to have jumped straight to.

So you have had lots of conversations and nothing has changed, you feel unwanted undesired and upset and he keeps making accusations about you eyeing up/ however you would like to put it and its getting on your nerves? Does he accuse you of affairs?

Yeah,I can understand why you snapped back at him. All this while presumably you are working/living/shopping/chores/admin and he throws these silly comments out?

You have a choice. You clearly not happy.

Just read the update, so he wants you to engage in sexual practices that you don't feel comfortable with, with the promise things will improve ?

Not very nice at all.

Weird questions. I'm not sure what the relevance is, so no further responses will be provided.

Imagine he said you’re rubbish in bed and to improve and then told you he was going to msturbate to a woman in a skimpy outfit while you worked? Not ok! Why would you make him feel that was that’s absuive behaviour.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable I think your fed up I’m in similar situation but not even once a week 🤦🏽‍♀️

Not weird at all given you say that you will never instigate sex with a woman. Ever.

So… have you ever been in a long term relationship with a woman?

I accept that women can be more vulnerable, but I fail to see why the issue of consent should only apply to women.

Just give it up already, you both sound incompatible with each other. Why either of you want to have sex with the other is beyond me.

If sex is that important to one party then yes why not? The alternative is staying together getting frustrated and bitter like the OP and her husband have become, eventually having affairs so they've got even more to be bitter with each other about (because it's not like they wouldn't notice each other being happier and wanting less sex with the spouse). It's a ridiculous situation. If the marriage isn't working and that can't be resolved then end it so everyone can be happier. Even kids don't like being in the middle of a bad atmosphere. Staying together and being miserable serves no-one.

How gross of you.

I'd divorce my husband if he treated me the way you are treating yours.

considered viagra?

How often do you think is reasonable? What does it mean - try for a few days?

Sounds like mismatched sex drives and so a need to compromise. I would guess that many men accept once a week as a compromise as their wives have lower libido esp post menopause.

I think your toy comment was very unkind and I’d be very hurt is DH said similar to me.

The sarcasm was obvious, surprised it whooshed over their head.