AIBU for making a harsh comment to DH about our sex life?

[HungryJ]

DH and I have had issues with our sex life for a while now and I have to admit I resent him for it. He keeps promising to try and improve things but this lasts a couple of days at most.

We had yet another argument this morning, and were shopping this afternoon. On the way back to the car, a man passed us in a vest who’d clearly been to the gym.

DH made a sarky comment to me when we sat in the car about my eyeing him up.

I replied ‘yeah, need to make sure I remember him for when I use my toy tomorrow when you’re working’.

DH snapped that I was out of order. I told him I stand by what I said. I’m just feeling so fed up.

As opposed to sticking objects inside your husband's anus in a desperate attempt to get him to like you - if that's passion, I'd take once every couple months instead.

That's not what OP said so quite unfair. OP, I get your resentment and frustration but surely you realise that is a nasty and unhelpful thing to say? Have you asked your husband whether he wants sex with men? Wanting to be pegged doesn't necessarily mean he's gay but you need to find out. You have to get past your current emotions and find out what is going on from a position of concern and respect. If he's gay or you are not sexually compatible you need to be able to talk about that and decide what that means for your marriage. Your husband needs to take joint responsibility for this with you and be honest. It may have a painful outcome, it may not, but nothing is gained by you both being stuck where you are now.

Yea he swears he’s straight and that’s a perfectly mainstream/common act amongst straight men these days.

So now you have to decide if you are comfortable accommodating that on occasion so that he feels accepted enough to initiate ....or not. In a grown up way without getting at each other.

@JHound It’s only rare because women respect boundaries and consent more than men

Also because men can defend themselves more easily, and men are less likely to object, and women don't penetrate men.

Maybe he just doesn't fancy you because youre a nasty cow? 🤷

Well we are just realistic with our lives right now 🤷🏽‍♀️ there’s nothing wrong with that. We are tired, busy, have multiple young children plus an older child doing important exams, doing up a house, working full time, traumatic bereavement, sick family members…
I could go on. But we have compassion for each other and spend time with each that doesn’t require sex being the be all and end all. That doesn’t really sound like something you have in your relationship…I know where I’d rather be 👌🏼

It sounds like an affair waiting to happen..

😂😂😂😂 wow you’re so fucking nice. But also, deluded. My relationship is in no danger. Yours seems in dire straits though…🤷🏽‍♀️ you’re eyeing up strangers in vests in front of your husband and being fucking horrible to him about it and he wants pegging and is forcing himself to have sex with you weekly when he doesn’t want to…(coercion at its finest 🤦🏽‍♀️)
but yeah, you’re right, my relationship is the one where we are going to have an affair 😂

straight up question, are you actually surprised he doesn’t want to have sex with you when you’re really bloody horrible?! Do you just have sex with anyone regardless of what kind of person they are?! Would you initiate sex with a person who behave as nastily as you are doing on this thread, but also the small snapshot you’ve given us about your behaviour towards him?

😂😂😂😂 wow you’re so fucking nice. But also, deluded. My relationship is in no danger. Yours seems in dire straits though…🤷🏽‍♀️ you’re eyeing up strangers in vests in front of your husband and being fucking horrible to him about it and he wants pegging and is forcing himself to have sex with you weekly when he doesn’t want to…(coercion at its finest 🤦🏽‍♀️)
but yeah, you’re right, my relationship is the one where we are going to have an affair 😂

straight up question, are you actually surprised he doesn’t want to have sex with you when you’re really bloody horrible?! Do you just have sex with anyone regardless of what kind of person they are?! Would you initiate sex with a person who behave as nastily as you are doing on this thread, but also the small snapshot you’ve given us about your behaviour towards him?

You only needed to post reply once.

If you can edit it to include some proper grammar, I’ll be happy to read your ramblings and get back to you.

😂 wow. Do you actually think you’re a good person? A nice person? Someone who your partner wants to be in a relationship with? I can answer all those for you, no.
no wonder he wants pegging and is avoiding sex with you. It won’t be long before he’s had an affair 👌🏼
Your replies are horrible, but hilarious! You’re so deluded.

I think when you look at the wider context of how sex/men is portrayed in the media...it's really quite tough for a woman to be rejected sexually afteral we are fed a narrative that men want sex constantly therefore if your man doesn't want sex with you all the time, you really must have something wrong with you. No wonder the op feels the way she does. Yes what she said was bad but it sounds like it comes from a place of sadness

Wow you sound lovely.

Its ok for you to treat him like shit because he' won't shag you enough and hes dependent upon you, so he won't leave?

Is this a wind up? Nobody can be openly this nasty irl, surely? Most wouldn't be proud of it.

You can still sexually assault people who can defend themselves. Ask Linford Christie. You seem to think sexual assault is only rape.

But once again that’s not remotely the situation in relationships but you have never had one so you would not know.

I gave a sympathetic reply and some suggestions. OP replied but ignored everything I said about improving her and DH's communication. Now she is being quite unpleasant to a number of well meaning respondents. I'm no longer sure she is just sad and fed up....

Once a week is quite a lot to some people.

Personally I’d be saying look I’ve tried to make this work but hour not interested in putting any effort into this relationship; so I want us to take break; I need space to work out what I want & what I need in my life to make me happy; at the moment your not doing either for me.
Life’s short if your not happy or if you have doubts about any aspect of your marriage you need to put yourself first; you need to be happy or what’s the point life’s for living not existing x

Take no notice of the OP. They really do sound like compassion isn't a strong point and can't understand people have different needs at different times of their lives. I'd say an affair is more likely there than in your relationship !

I'm not sure there's any coming back from this.

Obviously, he's not obliged to have sex he doesn't want and shouldn't be pressured into it. But when you don't want sex with your partner and it doesn't bother you that you don't want to and you don't care about how it makes them feel, I don't see what's left to reignite, especially when the only possibility that interests him is something that you don't want yourself (can't blame you, the idea of that is utterly repulsive to me, personally). Sniping and attacking each other is hardly going to make either of you want it, at least not with each other.

You have questions about his sexuality, you suspect he's only there for your money and your sex life is dead in the water. Despite the financials, I think you'll both be happier cutting loose and being free to find people who can fulfil you and make you happy.

That’s so cruel OP.

YABU and you should be utterly ashamed of yourself. You need to apologise to your husband for that comment.

It’s not great is it. My dh has a lower sex drive than me. I have compromised because I love him. Not everyone is willing to make that compromise, in which case the best thing to do is separate not stay together full of resentment and cruel comments.

You haven’t come across very nicely op and I think if you do want to stay together you need to approach this in a much better way with him.

Really hoping that this is some attempt at a satirical flip of man v woman. He earns all the money and wants sex and gets pissed off when she only really wants sex if she gets oral.

Because the alternative is worrying to say the least.

They’re not in a sexless marriage… they’re having sex every week!

Being a grown up is knowing that men don’t always want sex. And not using the media as an excuse to pressure men into sex they do not want and bullying them when they won’t do you.