AIBU for making a harsh comment to DH about our sex life?

[HungryJ]

DH and I have had issues with our sex life for a while now and I have to admit I resent him for it. He keeps promising to try and improve things but this lasts a couple of days at most.

We had yet another argument this morning, and were shopping this afternoon. On the way back to the car, a man passed us in a vest who’d clearly been to the gym.

DH made a sarky comment to me when we sat in the car about my eyeing him up.

I replied ‘yeah, need to make sure I remember him for when I use my toy tomorrow when you’re working’.

DH snapped that I was out of order. I told him I stand by what I said. I’m just feeling so fed up.

Seems to be a lot of unspoken issues here which could be affecting your sex life. Salaries and money can become common issues and causes.

If you want to stay together. Go and see a Counsellor.

Yes you're unreasonable...... Spiteful, vindictive and heartless are some other words too.

Nobody wants to have sex with someone that makes them feel bad about themselves and tbh you don't seem like a nice person at all the way your replying on here.

Were you expecting everyone to say you didn't say anything wrong? Seriously???

Maybe apologise to him, spend time together without sex being apart of it and bond, get to know each other again.

Also stop eyeing up men so obviously in front of him, I can't imagine you'd be thrilled to be treated the way you treated him.

Oh take your sanctimonious bullshit elsewhere. I DGAF if someone is gay, straight or anything in between.

I do care about people who clearly want homosexual sex, marrying straight people and trying drag them into something the spouse doesn't really want to do. Then having a bare minimum, string them along and hope they don't leave attitude towards the relationship. Having bitter insecurities about their spouse leaving and total disrespect, accusing them of eyeing others all the time. All while not breaking up and finding someone to have homosexual sex with because their spouse has money and they don't want to leave.

My problem with him is not about his sexuality, it's about him being a deceptive, dishonest, money-focused bellend.

OP is getting called every name under the sun, and yeh she's not behaving great right now, but she's become that way in response to the way he's been treating her. The whole relationship has become toxic AF. All because he wasn't honest about who he is, from the start.

I'm willing to bet that once out of this relationship the OP will revert to being a totally normal person who isn't toxic at all. Whereas if he isn't honest with his next partner about what he wants sexually, he'll recreate the exact same toxic shit show all over again.

@Plumblossomsbloom hear hear! It’s absolutely ridiculous how miserable closeted men will make women in a marriage. And this happens so often. Give it a few years and he’ll eventually come out, or start asking to open up the marriage so he can “explore”

Personally I’d have been off at the first mention of pegging.

It is soul destroying to always initiate and frequently be rejected, I know that feeling.

Do you have kids OP? You don't mention any?

If you don't I don't really see why you're still in this marriage. You are mismatched in both the frequency and type of sex you both want. It clearly is bleeding in to the overall respect you have for him.

I would stop initiating sex and take a step back to consider what you want and whether you want this relationship.

Coming from someone who’s coercing her husband into sex and throwing mean comments his way I’d say your relationship is in much more trouble than hers is.

Ok, I think I understand a little better now why your husband appears to have such a low sex drive.

As others have said, I think that the writing is on the wall for this relationship.

Having now read your reply @HungryJ
to @MustWeDoThis, I have little further doubts that for your husband's sake, I hope you decide to trade him in for someone who has an equal personality to yours.

Given the way OP is responding to the majority of comments, is this just a rage bait post?! 😂This can not be serious?!

That’s a very hurtful comment. I’m quite shocked.

It seems you throw mean comments about without thinking

Who knows what’s going on with him but I do know many more women than men feel this way about sex, I don’t think we’d ever excuse a man for making a similar remark! He might be gay, sure but he might also just be getting older and losing his libido. Maybe he’s depressed or wanks too much. I think once a week is fine in most LTR.

No wonder he doesn’t want to have sex with you making comments like that, that’s horrific. Can’t stand people who get sulky over not having sex, what a turn off!

Can you imagine a man saying this to a woman, because she wouldn't have sex with him more than 1x a week, and making such a nasty comment about his salary and not only is he not lambasted, people make excuses and say that he is only doing this because of HER????

And that if he separated from her, he won't act like this anymore?

What utter bullshit. OP is nasty and cruel and not, it's not a reverse or excusable because she is a woman.

This thread is batshit.

OP sounds like the pair of you hate each other, why the hell are you still together?

You are confusing sexual acts with sexuality. There are plenty of heterosexual couples who enjoy anal sex - does that make them homosexual? There are plenty of homosexual men who do not get penetrated anally when having anal sex (Tops)! Does this make them straight? Of course it doesn't!!!!!

That was absolutely savage. Hilarious and unhinged but absolutely savage.

OP's getting called out all over the place, what are you talking about?

I don't disagree that OP is getting dragged (and rightly so) but the fact that there are still posters defending her and saying she would be a nicer person if she wasn't so upset about her DH is mind-blowing.

You don't have to scroll far back. A post higher up on this page is literally blaming the DH for OP's nasty vindictive personality.

Yeah, there's a little dissent, but there's still a clear and overwhelming consensus. The "swap the sexes" crap is tiresome enough at the best of times, dictating that a female oriented site shouldn't reflect and centre its demographic and should instead be a court of perfect objective justice (you know, like the delightful manosphere), but it wasn't even arguably called for here.

"this lasts a couple of days at most"
How often are you expecting him to perform?!

Aren't you lovely.

THIS 100%

Exactly what I was going to say. I don't like penetrative sex. Does that make me a lesbian? That would've been news to my late DH.

Spiteful and degrading to your husband.

No wonder he doesn’t want to fuck you.