AIBU for making a harsh comment to DH about our sex life?

[HungryJ]

DH and I have had issues with our sex life for a while now and I have to admit I resent him for it. He keeps promising to try and improve things but this lasts a couple of days at most.

We had yet another argument this morning, and were shopping this afternoon. On the way back to the car, a man passed us in a vest who’d clearly been to the gym.

DH made a sarky comment to me when we sat in the car about my eyeing him up.

I replied ‘yeah, need to make sure I remember him for when I use my toy tomorrow when you’re working’.

DH snapped that I was out of order. I told him I stand by what I said. I’m just feeling so fed up.

Yep. Clearly it is since OP has to initiate it every time.

No Op it wasn’t a kind comment and won’t help the situation, but it also wasn’t kind of him to accuse you of eyeing someone up IF you weren’t doing it. If you were - well that’s another matter.

I think you both need to take a breath and a beat and then sit down together to discuss the sex issue properly.

Find out why he isn’t initiating/ why he doesn’t seem to be as enthusiastic with you.

IME it’s very unusual for a man to NEVER initiate sex. I would be uncomfortable to be with a man like that, but thankfully it’s not an issue I’ve encountered.

Spot on. Tired of the daft comments littering this thread about “what if the roles were reversed” 🤡 and making false comparisons, plus it’s not as if most people are supporting the OP!

Yabu. No wonder he's feeling insecure and not particularly wanting to have sex with you when you make comments like that.

Been where you are. Was in a very happy relationship but was frustrated by lack of sex. Wasn't husbands fault as he had medical issues thou. Out of frustration I would sometimes say horrid things that I didn't really mean and feel awful afterwards. Sexual frustration is often misunderstood as like our hormones we can't always help how we feel. My logical brain told me I was being totally unreasonable but as I was emotionally hurting I guess I verbally lashed out at the person I loved the most. Try to sit down without hostility and talk though the difficulties - and meet in the middle - you can't have it all ur own way. If that doesn't work I guess you have to decide if you can live with the way things are or not.

That sounds like Contempt.

You really don’t like him, do you?

Indeed. Hence why I asked if he @shuggles had even been in a long term relationship. No answer forthcoming!

I would have left once he'd started talking about pegging🤢

Yep you're response was mean, his comment possibly uncalled for, were you eyeing up the man in the vest?
These problems seem deeper rooted, I sense resentment regards money, it comes across you think youre better than him.
If my DH spoke to me the way you spoke to yours , I wouldn't want to have sex with him at all never mind once a week.
You need to get to the root of the reason why he "can't be bothered" and work on the relationship from the ground up, sex isnt just sex, its intimacy, closeness, mutual respect. Work on the relationship if you want great sex.

I can guarantee I’d have never gone out with him in the first place. And the OP is the type of person I’d likely actively avoid in RL.

I couldn't be a happy and fulfilling married and in a long term relationship without good sex and with resentment over it. Neither without love, respect, head over heels loyalty and being best friends.

Probably why I'm single. Men are disappointing.

Yeah that's fucking horrible

Good grief!

It’s only rare because women respect boundaries and consent more than men - but what does this have to do with couples in a committed relationship?

You are being ridiculous

He hasn’t. He has said that before. Which is why he is confused by the fact that in relationships most people won’t view their partner initiating sex as sexual assault .

Once a week is very regular amongst most people I know to be quite honest 🤷🏽‍♀️ we are more like once every couple of months if we are lucky!

You sound like a delight. No wonder he doesn’t want to have sex with you 🤦🏽‍♀️

It this is true. I really can't imagine why he doesn't want to have sex with you seeing as you sound so delightful .

How often did you have sex previously? Does he have health issues that affect his libido?
Does he still fancy you? If not why not?

So is he using you for your income , and doesnt want to have sex with you , or are there underlying problems

Your comment to your OH was unnecessary, and now you've been high-handed and rude to Strictly1. I'm starting to see what's going on here.

That was a bloody harsh reply, OP.

I think the relationship has come to a natural conclusion and you should go your separate ways before one or both of you get nastier.

It’s at the end- call it a day.

Is this a reverse?

Well done for settling for that. Nothing like a passionate relationship, eh?