To consider reporting my ex husband's NHS nurse affair partner?

[SadlyNotATroll]

I have changed some details as they’re outing but tried to keep the gist the same.

Last year I discovered my husband was having an affair. The woman he was having an affair with is a nurse who works for the NHS. I don’t know where exactly she works or what kind of nurse she is. In the aftermath of me discovering the affair, one evening this woman turned up at my house and started verbally abusing me on my doorstep. She shouted and screamed at me in front of my kids, saying my husband had dumped her (!) and it was my fault because I “beat him up”, my children are scared of me and he is only with me to protect my children from me.

I live on a quiet street and my neighbours saw and heard all this go on. Thankfully my next door neighbour came to my defence and told this woman to leave or she’d call the police, which thankfully she did. I was a wreck, my 7 year old daughter heard it all and was crying, it was awful. In the time that followed I genuinely feared for my safety in my home and had to be signed off work for a month.

The woman never came back (and neither did the husband thank goodness) but I’m wondering whether I should make a complaint about her. I don’t know if I even can, how I’d go about it, or whether I should just let it lie.

Needless to say that I’ve never laid a finger upon my ex husband, our children or anyone for that matter.

Mmm, but seriously what community nurse would be stupid enough to do this in her uniform? Nah.

From your condescending replies throughout the thread, I presume you’re a nurse? 🙄

She turned up in her work uniform to verbally harass OP at her home address infront of minors (and the neighbour who is a witness). She has breached the NMC code of conduct.

I cant believe people are still commenting even though the OP has long gone
The OP has already said she has no idea where the person works or what type of nurse she is, she may not even be a registered nurse (so the NMC would be irrelevant)
it happened over a year ago, I can absolutely say the NMC would not be the slightest bit interested in he said she said allegations or the fact this person was shagging someones husband

Yes we do have health boards, but I've been on the Welsh NHS for 25 years, and i can assure you nobody gets fired for having affairs, even ones between staff. The NHS would collapse in my area of they did, the sh*t that's gone on over the years!

No not a nurse (thankfully given all the shit they endure in and out of work it seems by their own regulators and the general public expecting them to be perfect angels.)

And I have also pointed out here, a one - off incident of shouting, in the two incidents I've described here, resulted in the police telling the person to go away but not to repeat the behaviour.

I can actually think of more times this has happened.

It's quite vindictive to be stewing on this so long after the fact and think 'maybe I could ruin her career and remove her livelihood because she's a nurse's, would you be calling the local restaurant if she was a waitress? Your husband had an affair. Then he clearly emotionally abused this woman too. He's your problem.

You're absolutely right.
But if no action is taken by her I suspect that it will be because that she realises that it's really not as simple as her making phone call and getting the nurse struck off. Especially a year later.

Especially if the nurse has a decent union like unison.
One of dh's male friends is a mental health nurse- the one branch of nursing where there's roughly a 50/50 split of men and women- and they're all in unison.
I dare say that they would fight the nurse's corner here.
Men don't usually put up with so much shit about having to be perfect angels - even when NOT at work - as women, do they.

I agree. No o e who be fired for an affair - only exception would be if it was with a patient!

PP suggested the health boards hadn’t existed since the ‘50’s 🙄

You suggested someone was fired because they had an affair!!!!! Really???? I really don’t believe you and neither does anyone else

My condescending replies?? I asked if OP really thought this person was a risk to the public? I contain how that is condescending?

Agree. Obviously a nurse SHOULD be struck off if it's a patient. No argument from me on that one.

@SadlyNotATroll I’m not sure if you can, but I would want to in your position.

My husband also cheated on me with a nurse.

I’ve never met her but I’ve seen photos that she sent him while at work. She was in rooms in hospital pulling her nurses uniform down to send him nudes 🤢

Not exactly professional and I wanted to report her for that.

in the end I didn’t as didn’t know how to go about it.

Yuck though.

I’d be curious as to how she got your address

And knew when op would be in!

No you aren’t . You aren’t told as a nurse that all your personal quarrels should have the workplace dragged into them. Nurses are human beings you know with full lives outside of work , just like anyone else .

Not RFT, but given they’re a registered profession and I imagine should not bring the profession into disrepute, then yes I would report her.

The Nursing and Midwifery Council, one assumes. Oh and you have a witness too OP, the neighbour.

Good luck.

But I’d dump the husband too. I wouldn’t forgive that.

I see you've decided not to take it further, OP; but in your shoes I would report her. She showed up at your house in her work uniform and verbally abused and threatened you. It cost you and your child emotionally, could have potentially ruined your reputation and risked a neighbour reporting you to SS, and risked your livelihood by the impact of having to take a month off work.

This happened a year ago!

Op I haven’t RTET but you could approach this differently…as mentioned by @Beachwalker66 if she has accessed your medical records it doesn’t matter how long ago that can be grounds for immediate dismissal and reporting to regulatory board. This is where she could have found your address unless you exH gave it to her. There is no expiration on unauthorized access and it’s all a digital fingerprint and easy to trace. I’m USA but here I would
start with the ombudsman and state you have concerns your medical record has been accessed by an employee your husband had an affair with. And in uniform…scrubs or
scrubs with hospital logo and a badge prominently displayed??

My first qualification I went into at 18 was a nursing diploma and working as a nurse for a short while after i got it. It wasnt for me in the end, I thought it's what I wanted for a combination of family having done it and helping in a care related field from 16, but that doesn't mean you are going to trick me into not knowing what we were told . . . .

well I did a degree and I wasn’t told that . Yes you are told you shouldn’t post things online about your job etc or be unprofessional in relation to your job in real life . You are told you shouldn’t wear your uniform outside the hospital. But you aren’t told you can’t have a row about an affair separate from being a nurse . It’s ridiculous to drag that into things

Goodness! She sounds exactly like my ex friend who's a mental health nurse! I think you'd have had to report it to the police at the time and the NMC. My ex friend was reported sometimes later and nothing was done.

I probably would have reported her if she was in uniform but it was last year. If you wanted to report her you should have done it then.