To consider reporting my ex husband's NHS nurse affair partner?

[SadlyNotATroll]

I have changed some details as they’re outing but tried to keep the gist the same.

Last year I discovered my husband was having an affair. The woman he was having an affair with is a nurse who works for the NHS. I don’t know where exactly she works or what kind of nurse she is. In the aftermath of me discovering the affair, one evening this woman turned up at my house and started verbally abusing me on my doorstep. She shouted and screamed at me in front of my kids, saying my husband had dumped her (!) and it was my fault because I “beat him up”, my children are scared of me and he is only with me to protect my children from me.

I live on a quiet street and my neighbours saw and heard all this go on. Thankfully my next door neighbour came to my defence and told this woman to leave or she’d call the police, which thankfully she did. I was a wreck, my 7 year old daughter heard it all and was crying, it was awful. In the time that followed I genuinely feared for my safety in my home and had to be signed off work for a month.

The woman never came back (and neither did the husband thank goodness) but I’m wondering whether I should make a complaint about her. I don’t know if I even can, how I’d go about it, or whether I should just let it lie.

Needless to say that I’ve never laid a finger upon my ex husband, our children or anyone for that matter.

Rubbish. She should have been reported for her threatening behaviour just as a male nurse doctor should be.

Police, NMC?
some of these posters are totally unrealistic here - can you imagine the report
’A nurse or I think she was a nurse, could have been a nursing home carer, I don't know where she works or her name and I have only seen her once a year ago, shouted at me. I need to report her for shouting on my doorstep and shagging my husband’

you really need to let it go

No. Let it go, it is over.

You should have reported the incident immediately to the police, you didn’t do that at the time so I wouldn’t advise you to report her to her employer.

He is the one who has been lying about you. He had an affair, he caused the trouble.

I work for the NHS and feel like the general public think they own us at times! Would you report to her employer if she wasn't NHS?

Sorry to hear you have had an awful time with all of this, walking away with your head held high is the best thing you can do.

Oh please don't talk nonsense.

I know right? Lol.
A sordid business that is best forgotten or at the very least focused on the cheating arse of the dh instead of this woman.

Incidentally, this is why nursing will never be a profession in any real sense.

The NMC is always focused on whipping its members rather than defending them.

The medical profession will defend its
members even in the face of most terrible conduct. Not just a few unpleasant words.

If you'd called the police they would have informed her employer at the time and action would have been taken.
Unless you have doorbell camera footage or suchlike there's no point in reporting it to her employer now.

I read Bongo Bingo as 'Bonko Bingo' when I first read it, my reading was obviously correct.😁

Then why does her being a nurse in the NHS factor in her thinking at all? If OP wants to report her to the police then she can do that, as she could if the women was a hair dressers or a shop assistant or whatever.
OP is planning on attempting to use her husband's affair partners profession as an additional punishment.
Also, my understanding, but i haven't RTFT, is that she turned up once and not since, i doubt that reaches the threshold of harassment.

It is nothing to do with her work place. Did you report your ex to his work for creating this drama?

Binky Bongy Bonky bingo!!

I am betting not.

It sounds as though your twat of an ex DH has really messed with this woman's head. He lied to her and manipulated her, claiming to be a victim of domestic abuse and painting you as a monster who he needed to protect his children from to justify his shitty, selfish behaviour.

If you really feel the need to try to ruin someones life maybe start with him.

You need to do what is best for you, and what's best for you is to let it go and move on.

Yes, I would have contacted the police at the time if I were to have had a clear enough head. At the very least, it would have been professionally embarrassing for her if she had to sit in a meeting at work/sit with the police with all her dirty laundry laid bare. That’s if I had had the restraint not to knock her out.

I can see why it’s still playing on your mind. How dare she turn up at your house shouting and screaming at you in front of your children and neighbours. The audacity of her.

You should have called 999 at the time. It's too late now unless she comes back.

I don't really think there's much you can do if you've no idea where she works. The NHS employs a million people.

I'm also not sure that shouting at someone outside of working hours would be considered a disciplinary matter. You'd have been better off telling the police at the time. When she was in action.

@MeatyMagda where do you work? You’ll obviously agree with your being reported to police and any regulatory body for your aggressive threats of “knocking someone out”?

Not nonsense. It’s not okay to turn up at someone’s home and be abusive. If that happened to me with my kids I would absolutely report them whether they were male or female. If they were in uniform and I mean any fucking uniform I would share the recording of it too. It could be likely that its not the only thing she’s done as with the post up thread. If she had legitimate concerns then she should have reported them.

I would file a police report and then make a report to her workplace too. I think people need to face consequences for their actions and they should be named and shamed where possible. Sorry you went through that. Wishing you all the best in the future.

I would, she sounds nuts. Having said that my ex was a doctor and also a nutter. His best friend (GP) cheated on a partner with breast cancer, spread lifelong STDs without disclosing and cheated while another girlfriend was miscarrying. Didn’t find this out about the friend until after we separated. He seemed completely normal.

Ex cheated on me with a nurse while we had a newborn who then sent me bitchy messages.

It’s really worrying our health is in such people’s hands. Of course, many doctors and nurses are amazing but not all.

Doubt the trust will do anything but at least it will be on her record.

Also come to think of it, out of all of the bullies and bitches in school, the majority have became nurses or teachers. 🤔

For writing on Mumsnet about a hypothetical situation that is not in fact happening in my life, that I would have to gather restraint not to knock out an imaginary person? Behave 😂

I'm not defending the other woman here for her conduct-in both having the affair and the shouting. It's my opinion that the other woman is partially responsible for any damage to the marriage.

But... what is really pissing me off about these responses is the misogyny and sexism I perceive to be regarding reporting her for this because she's a nurse.
Nobody would reporting her to her employer if she worked in frigging Tesco as a shop assistant, or at the higher end of the jobs scale, a surgeon (and my God would their professional body defend them here if they were reported for this. Absolutely.) no it's because she's a fucking nurse.
A good little woman who must be polite and nice at ALL times.
Never shout. Never be angry or upset. Never lose your temper.
Now obviously people should be reprimanded for doing these things IN work but outside of it?!

And the NMC encourage this.

Pure misogyny and sexism because you can bet your bottom dollar in a male dominated industry this would be shrugged off as the nothing event it really is.

Why have you such an interest in and kept up with ‘all the bullies and bitches’ careers - sounds very odd