To consider reporting my ex husband's NHS nurse affair partner?

[SadlyNotATroll]

I have changed some details as they’re outing but tried to keep the gist the same.

Last year I discovered my husband was having an affair. The woman he was having an affair with is a nurse who works for the NHS. I don’t know where exactly she works or what kind of nurse she is. In the aftermath of me discovering the affair, one evening this woman turned up at my house and started verbally abusing me on my doorstep. She shouted and screamed at me in front of my kids, saying my husband had dumped her (!) and it was my fault because I “beat him up”, my children are scared of me and he is only with me to protect my children from me.

I live on a quiet street and my neighbours saw and heard all this go on. Thankfully my next door neighbour came to my defence and told this woman to leave or she’d call the police, which thankfully she did. I was a wreck, my 7 year old daughter heard it all and was crying, it was awful. In the time that followed I genuinely feared for my safety in my home and had to be signed off work for a month.

The woman never came back (and neither did the husband thank goodness) but I’m wondering whether I should make a complaint about her. I don’t know if I even can, how I’d go about it, or whether I should just let it lie.

Needless to say that I’ve never laid a finger upon my ex husband, our children or anyone for that matter.

No one is to blame for someome else's behaviour she did it, she is responsible

So if a man is abusive to a woman people will question what she did to him? No the abusive one is to blame

If the op wants to report to the police they can

You may be better off trying to figure out why you are still thinking about this a year later.

Strange, all the trusts DD has worked at as both a student and employee (5) have a policy where you cannot travel to or from work in uniform. Is she really a nurse or a home carer? Registered nurses are well aware of their reputation and responsibilities when in uniform.

Anyway, you need to move on now a year later.

We don’t live in the past! Her private life is nothing to do with her employer and neither should it be. The only reason they would get involved is if your ex was her patient on a regular basis. If she simply met him at her work and never saw him there again, there would be no issue.

Not all nurses work in hospitals though so are out and about in uniform.

OP needs to move on - this is revenge not some concern about patient/public safety

This is true.
Unfortunately, because nursing is mainly made up of a female workforce (apart from mental health nursing which is about 50:50, the affairs in mental health hospitals are probably the highest you'll get anywhere. Lol) who'll accept this nonsense that they have to behave like angels even when NOT at work - and all for a high stress job with comparatively poor pay to other professional roles, this utter bullshit is accepted.

As if a male surgeon would get all hoity toity and report a fellow male surgeon for shagging around. Lol.
Unfortunately, a lot of nurses do get on their high horse about this maintaining 'moral standards' outside work hours stuff.
Male professionals put themselves first and defend each other.
No masochism and self-flagellation with them. Oh no.

A close friend's a nurse and I'm flabbergasted about what cockwombles the NMC are.

I agree that the proper thing to do (at the time!) would be to contact the police, as opposed to her employer. The latter would just be revenge, and the best revenge is a life well lived!
Hope you’re doing ok now, OP. Infidelity is the worst, not helped by this loon turning up on your doorstep. But it’s done now.

Sorry this happened to you OP. The NMC would review this as regulatory bodies for all HCPs, nurses and doctors are also concerned with professional conduct outside the workplace. Essentially they expect behaviour at all times to be at a higher standard. A previous colleague had conditions of practice applied to their professional record for 5 years by the regulatory body for something similar.

The NMC are misogynist, sexist twats who expect their mostly female membership to wear starched knickers and only sip sherry at Xmas. Only one, mind.
And being mostly female, and US females are more co-operative in general, this crap is accepted.

It's really sad to see those out to get this woman by mentioning the NMC and not focus on the real source of this problem- the cheating ex-husband!!

Fair play, though, plenty of reasonable posters here do.

OP is best letting this go. But she knows that anyway, she's just after 'is there any way I can get this woman into trouble?' angle and unfortunately some posters are mentioning the NMC instead of telling her to focus on the REAL source of her issues.
It's all pretty sordid. Bongo bingo. Lol.

I work for the NHS and I don’t for one minute think they’d do a thing, if she did it at work then maybe but if they disciplined every single staff member for something they do in their own time they’d be no staff left. Let it go and move on.

It's endlessly hilarious to me how prim the NMC is when the actual on the ground culture in nursing is quite the opposite! I have a lot of nurse colleagues and manage some, and they are the funniest, most sarcastic, potty mouthed of the lot! You can guarantee the nurses are first to the bar at the Christmas do as well and are often the drunkest.

And don't get me started on therapists as a collective. Batshit, just better at hiding it😂

My sister is Headteacher at a high school in Scotland, in an area of deprivation. She says that it’s often her most ‘challenging’ girls who go into nursing!

Crikey they'd probably strike her off for being at Bongo Bingo instead of doing something 'culturally enriching'.
My nurse friends are first at the bar, too.

Wise decision. I mean really what would taking it further achieve? You would come across as a scorned woman and I hate to break it to you but staff (of all rankings) working in healthcare professions are not all angels with shiny halos above their heads.
I’m not sticking up for the nurse because what she did was wrong but what your ex-husband did was even worse. He was the one who made a commitment to you, he fathered your children. Redirect your anger and let him feel the full brunt of it as he deserves. Ducks in a row and all that!

But what about turning up on doorsteps harassing people?

This, plus look at all the shit and abuse from patients and the general public nurses and other healthcare staff have to put up with.
maybe we should start campaigning the nmc to support its members not to have to deal with these people and have them struck off from gps, clinics, hospitals?

Because the woman was told if she didnt go, the police would be called, and she did in fact go

What would you report to the police, that someone had a go at you?

This is why the police are overstretched

OP in terms of reporting her, you've already decided you wont, Im just interested to know how you would anyway given you say you dont know where she works, do you know her name and address/date of birth etc?

Your desire for revenge one year on is unhealthy OP. It’s time to let yourself move on.

Why should she care if the woman who threatened and abused her on her doorstep and made her children cry gets disciplined or fired? If she believed that OP was abusive to her husband and children then she should have contacted the police or social services.

Totally agree with this. I mean if this woman worked for Tesco or was an estate agent wor worked for british rail or something this thread wouldnt even exist

Yes she is completely unhinged, coming round and sounding off like that but equally, theres nothing to gain from 'reporting' her

This forum is obsessed with 'reporting' people.

No pity for that nurse.

Sorry to hear about this very distressing for you.
Thing that stood out to me in this story is as a nurse if the thought these things were true she would have legal duty to report them under child protection ( guess could be different laws there but Ireland some jobs are Mandated Person).