To consider reporting my ex husband's NHS nurse affair partner?

[SadlyNotATroll]

I have changed some details as they’re outing but tried to keep the gist the same.

Last year I discovered my husband was having an affair. The woman he was having an affair with is a nurse who works for the NHS. I don’t know where exactly she works or what kind of nurse she is. In the aftermath of me discovering the affair, one evening this woman turned up at my house and started verbally abusing me on my doorstep. She shouted and screamed at me in front of my kids, saying my husband had dumped her (!) and it was my fault because I “beat him up”, my children are scared of me and he is only with me to protect my children from me.

I live on a quiet street and my neighbours saw and heard all this go on. Thankfully my next door neighbour came to my defence and told this woman to leave or she’d call the police, which thankfully she did. I was a wreck, my 7 year old daughter heard it all and was crying, it was awful. In the time that followed I genuinely feared for my safety in my home and had to be signed off work for a month.

The woman never came back (and neither did the husband thank goodness) but I’m wondering whether I should make a complaint about her. I don’t know if I even can, how I’d go about it, or whether I should just let it lie.

Needless to say that I’ve never laid a finger upon my ex husband, our children or anyone for that matter.

According to OP, this was over a year ago.

At the time it would have been appropriate if you had proof as she was in her uniform but a long time after the fact, no.

No not acceptable. I'm just pointing out that I've seen similar circumstances and the woman causing the disturbance was told to go away and not interrogated about her employment.

Personally, though, I would be reserving my anger for my cheating cnut of a dh who, having proved himself to be a lying bustard to me, could have told her a pack of lies too.
And let's not forget that had he not been a duplicitous cnut that woman wouldn't be on my doorstep in the first place.

I certainly would not be harbouring any half-baked attempt to 'get her' a year later.

A year later, remember. It's just 'she said, she said' at this point.

Why not put the blame where it really lies-the dh.

Best person OP could tell a year after the event, and really at the time aswell, is a therapist.
Her ex has played her and his affair partners like fiddles, he must be a master of manipulation and deflection.

Agree.
Could have just hit the agree button but I just wanted to say this is remarkably good sense.

Why would you bring her workplace into this? Let's be honest, it's nothing to do with your altruistic concern for the NHS' reputation.

I'd just leave it, difficult as it is. Last thing we need is the NHS losing another nurse and I doubt much would come of it. She thought you were a domestic abuser and your husband a long suffering victim who was sacrificing himself for the kids.

She probs thought she'd met her ideal bloke but it was all sabotaged by the wicked abuser.

Nurses are held to higher standards than non professional people, you should complain the NMC, nothing may come of it or she might have a history of behaviour that brings the profession into disrepute.

Agree.
I couldn't give a stuff what any nurse did in her personal life.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not generally too keen on 'other women' as a rule but still what sordid stuff she does in her spare time unless downright evil (and her actions here were misguided and perhaps not entirely OK but certainly not evil) makes no difference to me.
All I'm concerned is about as a patient is how well she cares for me.

That's it!

All this crap about personal conduct. No wonder they're short of nurses if this is the sort of burden the NMC places on them - be inhuman little robots who never put a foot wrong even when NOT at work!

Who she drops her knickers for, sordid nonsense about affairs, 'love triangles' and her having a strop with another woman over some duplicitous cnut are no concern of mine.

As a fellow nurse I can honestly say that would be a waste of time. Her employer? Was she shagging him on the work desk? No, well they are not going to be interested. The NMC? Was he a patient she was nursing at the time and she was shagging him while giving his medications? No, well they won’t be interested. Just because someone is a nurse it doesn’t mean out of work they have to behave like mother Theresa!

You sound far too invested and the rest of your spiel is irrelevant. The description of the woman’s conduct would absolutely amount to a criminal offence which would impact her employment if she got a conviction.

As a ‘fellow nurse’ why am I not surprised you’re minimising or even condoning her behaviour.

If your DH was her patient, then report. If not, leave well alone.

I’d request they check who has viewed your medical records. Wouldn’t put it past her to have tried to check them.

Think a lot of people are missing the fact, this nurse was in her work uniform when she verbally attacked OP infront of her children. Had I done this in my work uniform and it were reported, most definitely I would have been sacked.

Not really sure why so many woman are desperate to defend the OW?

You would hope a nurse would have enough common sense to query accusations a married man she was shagging was spouting about his wife. Any normal woman would encourage the man to leave if he was experiencing DV or signpost him to organisations who could help.

No it doesn't. I don't know what it is about this site but every bit of bad behaviour is deemed 'criminal' by some.

I can give another example: a few years ago, a neighbour's wife chucked him out.
They were always arguing. To be fair, it seemed that they were both as bad as each other.
I was glad to seem him go.
He returned shouting and demanding to be let in.
His wife called the police. The police took him away in a van, however, he was not arrested or charged with anything.

Just don't return here again else there may be trouble seemed the gist of it.

In any case, don't you think the police have better things to do than intervene in an argument between two women arguing about some asshole?
I do.

Do you think that getting this to trial is a good use of taxpayers' money?
It certainly doesn't pass the public interest test!

Why do you think this would be in the public interest?

Do you genuinely believe she poses any sort of risk? If so why have you left it a year?

I don't see anybody defending the other woman here.
I think that most people see it as vindictive behaviour which should be directed to the dh.
Seems to me that the OP doesn't care if this is in the public interest or not, she just wants revenge.
Plus, of course, this idea that nurses should be perfect little angels never raising their voice to anyone outside of work is deeply sexist and misogynistic.

Actually it’s male and females who get struck off. I saw a male colleague struck off for harassing an ex for money leant during the relationship. End of his career.

Those of you who are HCP should be aware of what you can be removed from the register for. Drink driving convictions, taking drugs recreationally, fraud not related to employment can end your career.

You can in fact report her to the local health board. Please ignore the clueless, naive lot telling you not to. Her behaviour was not representative and in good standing of the NHS. She behaved poorly in public, threatened, and harassed a member of the public. The NHS do not stand for that. A local nurse has recently been fired for having an affair, exact same situation. Stand up for yourself, OP and take it all the way.

@MustWeDoThiswhat on earth is a local health board? Are you from the 1950s?

Fired for having an affair? I very much doubt it.

You sound like clueless yourself.

This happened to me many years ago the woman was a drunk,and had driven to our house whilst drunk,she was a midwife,and I considered reporting her, absolute unhinged nutcase,still a drunk as far as I know,but she would be retired by now.

No one will have been fired for having an affair - don’t be so silly!

Wales have health boards

Please report to the Nursing and Midwifery Council (NMC). Type it into Google, it should lead you straight to it.
You can make a self referral.
Ensure to provide accurate account of all details.