To consider reporting my ex husband's NHS nurse affair partner?

[SadlyNotATroll]

I have changed some details as they’re outing but tried to keep the gist the same.

Last year I discovered my husband was having an affair. The woman he was having an affair with is a nurse who works for the NHS. I don’t know where exactly she works or what kind of nurse she is. In the aftermath of me discovering the affair, one evening this woman turned up at my house and started verbally abusing me on my doorstep. She shouted and screamed at me in front of my kids, saying my husband had dumped her (!) and it was my fault because I “beat him up”, my children are scared of me and he is only with me to protect my children from me.

I live on a quiet street and my neighbours saw and heard all this go on. Thankfully my next door neighbour came to my defence and told this woman to leave or she’d call the police, which thankfully she did. I was a wreck, my 7 year old daughter heard it all and was crying, it was awful. In the time that followed I genuinely feared for my safety in my home and had to be signed off work for a month.

The woman never came back (and neither did the husband thank goodness) but I’m wondering whether I should make a complaint about her. I don’t know if I even can, how I’d go about it, or whether I should just let it lie.

Needless to say that I’ve never laid a finger upon my ex husband, our children or anyone for that matter.

Why didn't you call police?

You should have reported it to the police at the time.

Oh for goodness sake I'm not victim blaming! Getting shouted at at your door isn't nice and if you feel threatened you phone the police. It does not take a year and a month off sick to process that.

A victim you say. 🙄

There’s no way her employers could investigate this. It would have been a police matter and her employment may/may not have been affected from the outcome of that.

Sorry for what you’ve been through, but no, it’s not something I’d report to an employer. Things you can report to an employer are misconducts that aren’t police matters: inappropriate social media posting, inappropriate messages that affect colleagues/the workplace etc

Because we live in a small town and they work in the local hospital? Not sure what point you’re trying to prove with your odd remark. 🤔

Im so sorry,that must have been a horrible experience for you and your children.
Get a ring door bell and document what happened (in case of future issues related to this one)
I dont think ,unless she was convicted of a crime in relation to the incident or your EX husband was her pt or you suspect she has stalked you eg: accessing your medical records it is useful to report.
Im glad you are free of them now.

I've never ever felt threatened by another woman shouting at me.
Only when men do it.
I think as this was two women the police would probably take steps to separate them and that would be the end of it.

'We are not interested in your personal lives, ladies, but you are causing a disturbance, so we ask that the person not resident at this address leaves the area under the understanding should further disturbances occur we may take action. '

That would be it.

The idea they'd be interrogating the OW about her job and reporting her is ridiculous.

The law applies to women the same way as it does to men. Women are not separated and told to go their own way if a crime has been committed

And what crime occurred here exactly?
I remember when I was young my friend's ex cheated on her. She was mad as hell and went around his place, shouting at him for it on the doorstep.

Not her finest moment but she was only 18 at the time. The 'other woman' who was in the flat called the police
The police came and she was told to leave the area and it was made clear to her that she was not to return and make a repeat performance. That was it.

They had no interest in the 'affair!' or what she did for a living.
Certainly no arrests were made.

That’s exactly what I was thinking you should have called the police then

Nobody is going to be remotely interested in this now are they??

You’re not taking it further. Which given the passage of time makes sense. And for many people that’s all they’d ever do. Apart from tell her that you’ll report her if she does it again.

If what she did on your doorstep happened again, you could report it to the Nursing and Midwifery Council. They are in charge of “fitness to practise”. Undermining trust in the profession , aggressive, threatening behaviour are all issues. Being in uniform isn’t essential, but makes it worse. Realistically she would probably at most get a stern word as part of a basic inquiry. But what she did next would be very influential. If she did it again - it would be a bigger issue, might have to go to a Panel and show she was taking steps to address her poor behaviour, and that she recognises it was wrong, make an apology etc. Temporary suspension, fines, being struck off are punishments for some situations where there looks to be a serious or ongoing problem.

You could also report to her employer. Another stern word.

And if it’s more than once, you could report to the police for being harassment. Another stern word.

It helps that your neighbour witnessed it.

My violent childhood bully is a feminist author, so...

Ive been physically attacked and verbally attacked by more women and female teens than males.

Dismissing someone feeling intimidated by a woman is not ok.

I don't really want to get into a long drawn out dialogue over this but in Scotland this would be a breach of the peace - which is a criminal offence

I was threatened by a stranger on my doorstep. Police didn't tell me to go away because she was a woman

This. You’ve missed the boat sadly. That’s a public order offence and she would have been charged most likely had you made a complaint. I would have definitely called the police. That would have then led to her employers taking notice no doubt.

Revolting behaviour by a nurse but sadly i am not surprised.

There is definitely scope for a public order offence here for causing distress and alarm. The child present and crying certainly aggravates it. Do you think it’s acceptable for a raging lunatic to turn up outside your house and start screaming, ranting and swearing at you and your child.

Don’t bother some people really will go to bizarre lengths to defend the indefensible. In England she could easily be charged with a public order offence for her actions which is also a criminal offence.

I don't want to go into it, either, however, I'm telling you that the two were separated (or rather she was told to leave the area, same effect: they were separated by dint of this instruction) and nothing more was made of it.
She was not arrested for her doorstep shouting.
Just told to go away and not return.

Hi SadlynotaTroll, this is long but worth the read..
I’m really sorry you and your daughter had to go through that — no one should feel unsafe in their own home, and especially not have their child witness something like that.
From my point of view, it’s definitely not too late to report this, even though it was over a month ago. What you’ve described — the shouting, threats, and aggressive behaviour — can fall under harassment or public order offences. Even if the police don’t take immediate action, having it officially logged is important. It creates a record that helps protect you if anything further happens and prevents any future situation being twisted against you.
I would strongly advise reporting it for that reason alone.
Now, in terms of her being a nurse, there absolutely is a code of practice. All nurses in the UK are regulated by the Nursing and Midwifery Council (NMC), and they must follow what’s called “The Code.” This isn’t just about how they behave at work — it also covers their conduct outside of work where it could affect public trust in the profession.
Turning up in uniform and behaving in a threatening, abusive way — especially in front of a child and in public — could be seen as a breach of that code. Nurses are expected to:

• act with professionalism at all times
• uphold the reputation of the profession
• treat people with respect
• avoid behaviour that could damage public confidence

Because of that, you have a couple of options:

• You can report the incident directly to her employer (for example, the NHS Trust or private employer she works for)
• You can raise a concern with the Nursing and Midwifery Council (NMC) themselves

The NMC won’t get involved in minor personal disputes, but when behaviour involves aggression, intimidation, or risks undermining trust in the profession — especially in uniform — it can cross into fitness-to-practise concerns. In terms of protecting yourself going forward, I’d suggest:

• Writing down a full account of what happened (dates, times, exactly what was said, any witnesses)
• Reporting any further incidents immediately
• Keeping everything documented so there’s a clear history if needed

This is important because, as you rightly pointed out, if you were ever forced to defend yourself or your children in future, having a prior record of her behaviour could make all the difference. Regarding what she shouted about you — those accusations could potentially amount to defamation. However, cases like that can be complex and expensive to pursue, and you’d need to show serious harm. In most cases, it’s more practical to focus on reporting the incident and protecting yourself rather than going down that route — though a solicitor could give you tailored advice if you wanted to explore it. Overall, yes — I do believe reporting it to both the police and the appropriate professional bodies is a sensible and proportionate step, not just for what’s already happened, but to safeguard you and your children moving forward. — Mark the Defender

OK. That's your experience. My experience is that I've never felt intimidated by a woman shouting at me, only men.
We've all got our own experiences.

That's fine but that doesn't negate the fact that turning up to someones door to scream at them is a criminal offence

It was last year. Not just over a month ago

OK but as she was screaming at him, why wasn't she arrested then given its a criminal offence?
Or can the individual officers exercise discretion.