to feel taken advantage of over childcare?

[zeezay]

I retired a few years ago to help my DD and her DH with their two children under 3, as childcare costs are so high. I’ve been looking after them regularly so they can work, which I was happy to do.

I’ve now come across posts on social media showing they were actually out together having days off fairly regularly. They’d drop the children dressed in work clothes and everything, so I never questioned it.

I did speak to them and they apologised, which I appreciated, but it’s made things awkward. If I’m honest, it’s been quite hard for me looking after two under 3. It’s a lot more full on than I think they realise.

I don’t begrudge them having time together, but I do feel a bit misled and like I’ve become default childcare rather than helping out when they genuinely need it.

Have you told them so they can get alternative plans in place?

Actually my SIL felt both lonely and bored whilst she was trapped doing childcare.
Despite loving her grandchildren, the days were long.
She could no longer do her classes and many days out, short holidays with friends.
She found herself shattered at the end of a day, resulting in her avoiding going out in the evening, as she knew she needed to be up and able for her grandchildren at 8am in the morning.

IMO a total disaster that contributed to her suffering with low mood during the long winter months.

Why on earth would you assume op would be bored and lonely? Both my parents are retired and have not been bored or lonely

OP, I understand why you’re upset about the grandfather not doing anything to help, but ultimately this is the result of a patriarchal system in which men are given license to care for themselves above everyone else and women are taught that their duty in life is to others. Your beef here is slightly less with the grandfather and more with the system that created men who feel entitled to have/take whatever they want.

if you do continue childcare, then you should be getting paid. How dare they know you retired early but refuse to give you even a small payment when they are potentially saving thousands as a result of your sacrifice.

Exactly. Then friends stop asking you to do things as you're always too exhausted 🫩 resulting in even more loneliness 🫩

That is phrased very well. Thank you. It is not really about the grandfather. I think I just got annoyed when going over everything.

Women are taught to care for others and then people judge women for not caring also when they take a stance.

Maybe this happening has been a good thing as it has made me reassess what I really want.

The joke is when you retire you find yourself busier than ever and wondered how you found time to go to work!

I can confirm sometimes I have had to get up earlier than I used to for work just because I have gone and double booked myself for coffee, knitting class, Pilates or a train trip.

Enjoy!
I am sure you will still get the grandchildren visiting, but on your terms and with their parents honesty they have a party invite or other to babysit.

So OP what are you going to do about this now? I am willing you to get your life back!

I have a week booked off on May. Will go and enjoy myself and then make my decision.

Thank you!

I can see how that could happen. Some people love being at home with kids and some people myself included find it isolating they cant get out. I love my classes, meet ups with friends etc when my kids are in school especially in the winter months.

I’d be quite insulted by that.

How are you getting on @zeezay ? I hope you've had a bit more time to yourself