To think choosing to spend Mother’s Day without your kids is weird

[InkyB]

DH’s ex has emailed us to let us know she’s planned her holidays next year and to ask us to accommodate. We usually have DSC every other weekend and half the school holidays plus Wednesday nights, and we have a draft plan for next year already, but are usually flexible both ways. She books her holidays very early because she’s far more organised than us!

One of the holidays she’s booked is a four night trip over Mother’s Day, so we’d have them Weds-Sun evening. It wasn’t supposed to be our weekend at all.

For context the children involved will be (future ages) DSS11, DSD10, our DD3 and she has a DS4.

AIBU to feel a bit put out by this?

Firstly DSC both have clubs on Sunday morning so it’d mean being out with one of them all morning, cooking a rushed lunch then DH driving them back in the late afternoon and getting back after DD’s bedtime.
Secondly, DSC are often mopey about their mum doing stuff with her youngest and not them, so it’d be a weekend of reassuring them and pretending Mother’s Day doesn’t exist.
Finally, I’d like a Mother’s Day where DH’s focus is on me and our child, not running around after his ex?

Agree, it's tragic what must happen to prevent this from happening. And I assume that her DC cooks and prepares the said breakfast that is brought to the OP's bed, which is especially cute since the DD is all of 3 years old!

I don’t really see Mother’s Day as a big deal and think you can just do something nice another weekend. All a load of faff over nothing.

but…

the more I’ve tried to consider it from your viewpoint and considered you making a mountain out of a mole hill, I’ve the flipped it on its head….

What mum sends the two older kids, who understand what the dah is, away, whilst seemingly off on a jolly with her favourite child and dad. Really weird. Clearly she isn’t fussed by mother days either, otherwise it’s just a strange message to send to the older kids.

But why would she (I guess), I know it's sometime in March but if I was looking at holidays in March then I'd not think to Google it, because it wouldn't matter to me. I think the ex probably isn't bothered at all, so hasn't googled it or worried about if it's then. OP really treasures it so feels it's a deliberate decision, but I doubt it will be.

100% this, I'll take "things that never happened" for 100 please Bob...

She didn’t see her kids on their birthdays

Surely it’s okay, for one day a year, to say actually that doesn’t work for me?

So why don't you just tell them you have plans?

You don’t need to cook a lunch, OP.
hth.
@InkyB

Not particularly why?! I’m still married to my husband of 20 years and take care of our son jointly and would never have married a man with children and expect things to go swimmingly! I simply dislike blatant hypocrisy!

It’s not weird! I used to be a single mum and I’d Insist that the girls still went to dads and I’d have a nice chilled day and a wee afternoon tea to myself

You need to go back to her and say no that doesn’t work or even better tell her “sorry that’s not our scheduled weekend so we booked a weekend away as treat for step mum unfortunately we can’t change without losing money”

Just make mothers day a good day for you all as a family together. You're a mum and a step mum so make the most of it. Get your hubby to sort something

Is there a chance she hasn't realised its mother's day? Would break my heart to be without my kids on mothers day!

That’s fine. Her ex, the father of older kids, your husband can have them so she has a lovely relaxing day on Mother’s Day. So he can look after all kids so she has a nice day and you have a nice day. He has a years notice.

and if you don’t like it I think YABU but the the following year you request a Mother’s Day without any of them.

Its shitty that shes taking her FS away with her husband and leaving her two older children behind. That just smacks of they're not as important as her new family!
Its also shitty that shes not considered your needs or plans for mother's day. Thats not the childrens fault though!
I would tell your husband that there will be no running about for clubs that day and he can plan a lovely, family day out for everyone thats focused around mothers day but enjoyable for everyone so that you get a treat but nobody feels left out!

You chose to have a child with a man who already had his own - YABU for expecting a conventional experience.

You’re being petty and awkward

When you are planning dates you and DH will agree to for next year remember Mother’s Day is 3 weeks before Easter every year . So if your normal weekend is one after you have got them for Easter as well next year. So if you have them for Easter she should have them other dates.

I thought the easy way is EOW as standard apart from the special weekends. So Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Easter, Christmas, DH birthday, exs birthday, childrens birthday in this case two should be divided out.

so if you cover Easter, DH Birthday, Father’s Day, one child’s birthday then ex would get Christmas, Mother’s Day, her birthday, second child’s birthday.

Maybe try that for next year so everyone gets special days.

It's not just because it's Mothers Day . The ex is also asking OP to have her DCs on an unscheduled so that she can go away with HER new family . Taking one child and leaving the other . Why isn't she treating HER children the same . The mother is rejecting her kids not OP . OP hasn't said anything to the SDCs or their mother about this.