To want SD’s room to be multifunctional?

[SamphireSupper]

DP and I have decided to downsize as unfortunately he has medical issues which mean he can’t work full-time anymore. We have DS4 together, and SD13 who visits, at most, every other weekend. I work from home and am the breadwinner (relevant) and I currently work from the dining room.

The new house we have found is much smaller, still has three bedrooms, but no dining room. DS would have the box room. I’ve said I will need to have my desk in SD’s room. DP and SD don’t want this. AIBU?

Could your son have the bigger room and you put your desk in there. That was SD has the box room but no desk?

If she's only there every other weekend, she doesn't have a lot of choice. But I would assure her that you won't be using it/going in there when she's with you.

Why not give the big room to ds (he lives there full time so makes sense for him to have larger room), and set up a corner of it as your office. That way SD can have a room thats solely her space

I don't think that's fair on your sd, they wouldn't have their own space but would be staying in your office.

I'd put a desk in your bedroom.

Well it’s obviously not up to SD and as you’re supporting everyone and you’re not married I don’t think it’s up to DP either.

They don't want this but are they offering a solution? Or do they just expect you to figure out what to do as long as she keep her room?
I would say, she goes into a box room and you share with your son. Presumably, he is in nursery or school during the day, plus, he gets to enjoy a bigger room. Play silly games, win silly prizes.

If that room is partly your office won't it be awkward when SD is staying? She might try use your equipment, change configuration of chair, move things etc.

But ultimately if she's not there neither she not your DH can reasonably object to you choosing to work from there.

As an alternative, is there enough room in your own bedroom for a desk? Or do you have a garden you could get a shed thingy to use as office?

I've done that before and used the bigger room that step child used every other weekend as my office when they were not here.

You can't afford to have a room in a small house that's only used 4 days per month.

I did think this, but:

1. SD has a double bed and will want to keep it
2. She keeps barely any stuff here so there’d be more space for my desk
3. DS will be around from 3.30 on weekdays, and in holidays, when I’d need to be working, plus if he was ever off sick
4. It’s easier to keep a room clean and tidy if it’s not being played in daily

not sure why the resident child is being given the box room?

She’s only with us on weekends, when I’m not working. I’d take my laptop out. She’d be welcome to use the desk for homework too

How would the OP be able to work in the couple of hours each day after he gets in from school? Or in the school holidays? It's not feasible to prevent her DS from using his bedroom so she can work.

Can you work from your bedroom OP? Is there room for a desk in there?

I would give your DS as the kid that lives there full time the larger room
The box room is your SD bedroom, however little she will use it.

Just to clarify, are you and your DP married? And how much does he contribute to the household expenses?

1. tough luck
2. then she doesn't need a bigger room
3. so? surely you're taking time off when he;s sick?
4. huh?

well, how is she working now? surely someone is minding the child?

he can play elsewhere for n hour or so... ?

DP expects me to work from the kitchen table but this will not be feasible if he and DS are around. Or from our bedroom but to be honest, if I’m paying for a house, I don’t want to be spending 18hrs a day of it in one room

What’s their issue? You wouldn’t be working on the weekends she is there presumably.

In that case I don't see the issue. Just say I'm putting a desk in there for both me to use when she's not there, and for her when she is.

He can't police you not entering or using the room when SD is at her other main home!

Your money, your house, your rules. Your husband and SD will have to suck it up.

agreed

jiust use her room ... :/

DP is only working minimal hours so he looks after DS. I don’t see the logic in keeping DS from his room so another room can sit empty

Find a different house that meets everyone’s needs better.

Option 1: your idea
Option 2: split the room in half with a divider, so smaller bed etc.

@SamphireSupper YANBU.

I don't see why your DSD and DH have an issue. The room is your office Monday to Friday when DSD isn't even there and its your DSDs room every other weekend.

The two events don't overlap at all so why should there be an issue???

That's ridiculous to object.

Is she there in school holidays??

Your suggestion is sensible.

You aren't in an optimal situation, and this is what needs to be done to make it work.

The OP said she currently works in the dining room. I assume that the room has a door which she shuts so she's not seen as available to her DS when she's at work and he's at home.
She said her DP doesn't work full time, so I assumed that he would be looking after their child.

If her desk was in his bedroom he'd not be able to use his room for 2 hours every week day and for full days during every school holiday. That doesn't seem sensible.