To want SD’s room to be multifunctional?

[SamphireSupper]

DP and I have decided to downsize as unfortunately he has medical issues which mean he can’t work full-time anymore. We have DS4 together, and SD13 who visits, at most, every other weekend. I work from home and am the breadwinner (relevant) and I currently work from the dining room.

The new house we have found is much smaller, still has three bedrooms, but no dining room. DS would have the box room. I’ve said I will need to have my desk in SD’s room. DP and SD don’t want this. AIBU?

So your 'D'P can't work full time But he can take on most of the care for your child? 😂😂 He can't be that unwell OP, sounds like he just wants to take advantage....

Would you expect a disabled woman to defer to her partner in that way?

My son goes to his dads every other weekend and when he used to live with his ex my sons bedroom also had my ex’s desk in it as he used that to work in the week. Why on earth wouldn’t he do that - how can he work around his gf and her noisy child playing in the kitchen? I don’t think my son felt hard done by by that at all.

A lot of disabled women with chronic illnesses can't work but still perform childcare to their children. Especially where the kid is in school. Why do you find that so unusual?

Or her wife or her parents or whoever is funding them all. Not ‘defer’ to them but respect that the person doing the paid work needs to use quiet space available to get that paid work done in peace, and not allowing them this space is detrimental to the whole family’s income.

Why would you want to spend the majority of your waking AND sleeping/reading/scrolling hours in the same room? I'd go nuts

I think speak to SD and say it’s her choice which room she gets, but your desk will always feature in the big room.

Yes, particularly on the dad's side when he gets in a new relationship

If you had an empty quiet other room wouldn’t you prefer to work from there? So many studies to show how working in one’s bedroom disturbs sleep

Okay make sure you tell disabled women that on here, then.

But her kid is in his room playing and sleeping during her working hours. The step d isn’t using the room . In my example my own son is the every other weekend step son at his dads house and the adult bringing in the family income isn’t working in an unproductive noisy uncomfortable section of the room, they are working in my sons bedroom as he doesn’t use it during the working week.

somwtimes spaces need to multi function just like we sometimes do ironing in the living room or homework at the kitchen table

No, she says both. Which is why I've said that she needs to make sure she is clear on the reasons for the reduced hours.

How is being given the second largest bedroom “getting a rough deal”?
SD is there 4 nights a month, the OP will be the using the desk in the room when she’s not there.
the 2 don't over lap…

and why should the OP spend the majority of her day, 5 days a week in her bedroom of the house she is paying for?!

honestly, it’s madness!

She hasn't said both and it has nothing to do with the topic anyway. She has made it clear in the post you screenshot that the reason he does childcare is because of his minimal working hours. Those working hours are to do with his health.

You are just trying to make the guy into some deadbeat instead of someone with health issues. It's weird

I read she comes on weekends. Is it EOW?

@Unexpectedlysinglemum ?? I don’t sleep while I work.
My bed is seperate from my desk.
My bedroom is ‘empty and quiet’, how would you think my bedroom is noisy (pet pig with a snoring problem set up camp in my bed?), and what does ‘empty’ mean - how would my bed make it any more/less empty than a bedroom with a stepchild’s bed???

I sleep fine, as do all my kids who wfh. No one is laying awake all night because we wfh in our rooms.

One day, they will all be gone, and there is no way I’ll be setting up in any of those rooms, I have much better plans for them than that!!

Oh I see it is EOW, later she says weekends.

Yeah, I understand why she doesn't want too. I didn't really think because my bedroom is my happy place, I'd stay there over the dining table but I get it's not for everyone!

I'm surprised the majority think it's reasonable.

It sends a message that you're trying to squeeze your SD out.. even if that's not your intention.

I think you've got a few choices:

• Work at kitchen table
• Work in your bedroom
• Find a local office space for rent / hotdesk
• Find a new house that better meets the family's needs.

That screen shot you have posted says he works minimal hours so he looks after DS, not so he can look after DS

Its just a way for OP to make SD know she doesnt have any space that SM can't take from her and invade. A hierarchy thing.

@Unexpectedlysinglemum ?? I don’t sleep while I work.
My bed is seperate from my desk.
My bedroom is ‘empty and quiet’, how would you think my bedroom is noisy (pet pig with a snoring problem set up camp in my bed?), and what does ‘empty’ mean - how would my bed make it any more/less empty than a bedroom with a stepchild’s bed???

I sleep fine, as do all my kids who wfh. No one is laying awake all night because we wfh in our rooms.

One day, they will all be gone, and there is no way I’ll be setting up in any of those rooms, I have much better plans for them than that!!

Yes its just someone on a manhating brigade again.

She can manage in a single bed. Plus she had a room at her mother's.

I'd keep up your original plan.

Even if it was every weekend, SD would use the room 8 nights a month (presuming she arrives on Friday after school and goes back to mum’s on Sunday)
OP will be using the desk in that room Mon -Fri 20 days a month. The 2 don't overlap