To want SD’s room to be multifunctional?

[SamphireSupper]

DP and I have decided to downsize as unfortunately he has medical issues which mean he can’t work full-time anymore. We have DS4 together, and SD13 who visits, at most, every other weekend. I work from home and am the breadwinner (relevant) and I currently work from the dining room.

The new house we have found is much smaller, still has three bedrooms, but no dining room. DS would have the box room. I’ve said I will need to have my desk in SD’s room. DP and SD don’t want this. AIBU?

Any updates, OP?

OP is paying for CMS to make sure that DSD isn’t impacted by her father’s inability to pay and so that her quality of life at home with her mum isn’t impacted. This wasn’t an afterthought it’s what OP can afford, given that she’s now paying £600 a month for a child that isn’t hers. OP has said the room will be available whenever DSD visits and of course she’s welcome. People on MN lose their minds when it comes to stepchildren and your post just highlights that.

I would be destroyed mentally if I worked from my bedroom. I don’t want to wake up & go to sleep looking at my desk. I also don’t want to spend most of 24 hours in one room.

Some people have to, the OP doesn’t.

The OP is carrying this entire family, is stressed and doesn’t want to work in her bedroom.

I confess I’m normally camp step children first.

But the DH may have terminal cancer & the OP is stressed and doing her best by SD. What more can anyone expect of her right now.

I’d give SD a choice. If she wants a room with no desk for OP she takes the box, if not the OP uses the desk in her double.

The 4 year old can play downstairs.

I know, you’d be so miserable rolling out of bed to the desk and that’s your life. Add in if dh is terminally ill he’s probably going to be sleeping later / needing naps, so the op would get kicked out of the bedroom in her regular workday- just no. You’d want to burn the house down.

Seriously, no! The 4yo LIVES there. He is entitled to a home with his own room where he can play if he wants to, much like SDD has in her main home!

He absolutely does NOT have to give up what SDD has at home so that she can have it in both places. Absolutely ridiculous.

Families have to manage with the circumstances that they have not the ones they wish they had. It is not unreasonable for children to understand that a parent's work must be a priority, especially when that work is supporting everybody.

SDD has her own room in her main home.
DS should have the same in his.
That is equitable.

Parents should do everything they can to ensure the NEEDS of their children are met before their own. Children's WANTS are a different matter and absolutely don't come above the NEEDS of all family members.

SDD does not need to maintain control over the bedroom she has at OP's house when she is not there. She does not need to dictate what furniture goes in there. That's what she WANTS.

SDD NEEDS to know that she is a welcome and valued family member. OP is providing her a room for her sole use whilst she is there. This meets the needs of SDD.

Honestly those of you suggesting that SDD should be able to have two rooms for her own sole use, at her own main home and at OP's, whilst DS is expected to give the room over to his mum's work during working hours are absolutely ridiculous. This sort of crazy projecting of feelings instead of proactive, kind and supportive management which provides appropriate boundaries and understanding of the difference between needs and wants is what leads to unhappiness and instability in children.