To just hate having a woman's body

[Redgreenbluetwo]

Maybe it's cos everything has happened at once today, but I just hate having a woman's body, and DH doesn't know how lucky he is.

Meant to be going on a spa day tomorrow with my friend. Obviously I got my period today. It fucking hurts, is a mess, and makes tomorrow more difficult. On top of that I have to go through the rigmarole of hair removal. I hate having dark hair and having to shave my armpits most days. Just such a pain in the arse. Now I have to do my bikini line later as well, and woe betide me if my legs are ever prickly. And my bra has been giving me gyp at work all day too.

Just bugger off with it all.

DH has to worry about none of those things. Sometimes I just hate it. I can't really remember what it was like to be a kid and not have the hassle of these things either but they really are just so bloody annoying!! And we have childbirth. And I have the menopause to look forward to. Men can be as hairy as they like, have no periods, no bras, no anything. Aaarggh!

Big tits in high summer.
Nightmare.

OMG its no where near the same. Men very slowly lose a tiny amount of testosterone over decades whereas women lose 80% of their main hormone estrogen during menopause - there is a huge difference! Plus during this period the levels of hormones in women fluctuate wildly on a daily basis, men dont experience this. There is really no comparison!

I know, and I really wasn't trying to compare. I was just trying to dispel the notion that men skip blithely through the ageing process without a care in the world.

Epilating is great because it doesn’t really grow back properly. I’m also a weirdo who loves the feeling of epilating 😂

@InterestedDad37 if we were to dismiss them - which no one said we were, it would be because they are so minor compared to what women go through.

I hear you. You’re just having a moan. We’ve all felt like this. Men don’t have the same pressure to maintain & pluck & preen themselves. It’s just not going to cross their minds if they go swimming what parts of their body have they shaved. It gets really tiring when you can’t be bothered. And ofc you could just go au naturel & in whatever stage of growth or re growth you’re in. But there is the thing of social acceptability that dictates so much of what we do & how we show up. No it’s not the end of the world if other women or men or your friend see your body hair. But somehow it kind of is - another stress - as what their assumptions might be are worse than just getting the razor & creams out & sorting. And no one in real like is looking at you closely & yes that’s ego centric to think that way. And no you’re not weak or anti feminist for being caught up in this bullshit. Nor are you being a drama queen for posting. To all those who are beyond the maintaining oneself for social appearances I salute you. I’m half way there myself. To you OP you’re not wrong to low level want to bemoan the double bind. You’re hardly saying this is thé worst thing in the world or your life!
Hope you get to enjoy he spa when it happens period pain & body shame regardless. Cos that’s what it is - body shame. And smthg at varying levels we have all felt & feel. Cue all the posters who are going to jump on & prove otherwise & activate my low self esteem for having such an opinion. If you are at that level of emancipation & freedom from the tyranny that is women’s bodies - go you! Yes it can come fro ourselves just as much as societal desirability. True fact.

They're less obvious, but some are not at all minor. But again, nothing is gained here from comparison.

‘Big Tits in High Summer’ sounds like a crime novel!

I hate body hair and I’ve never really found a removal method that works for me. Shaving gives me a rash, creams are a sensory nightmare, and waxing is painful and expensive (and never seems to last). Can’t do laser as I’m a redhead. One of the upsides of chemo was losing all my body hair. Lovely smooth legs! Shame it went on my head too 😂

So yes, I envy my husband who just sticks a pair of shorts on when it’s warm without a thought about it.

I think it was more the way you framed your original post:

"I just hate having a woman's body"
"DH doesn't know how lucky he is."
"Just bugger off with it all."
"Sometimes I just hate it."
"they really are just so bloody annoying!!"

Your post didn't make these things seem like minor irritants at all. If your post was simply asking for a bit of advice on personal grooming and personal hygiene, I wouldn't have commented on you being lucky to have such minor problems.

I hope you managed to enjoy your spa day regardless.

Shaving is an awful idea - wax or IPL.

Cleopatra was a fairly rare female ruler in a patriarchal society. Having to seduce Caesar and Mark Antony to keep her power in the face of Roman dominance.

Just because there were a handful of female pharaohs doesn't mean it was Matriarch; QE2 didn't means the UK was matriarchy either.

They feel nice, so apart from breast feeding, there is that.

Honestly all this agonising about body hair. I shave my legs and pits when I’m going swimming and in the summer, but waxing or IPL just seems like a humungous faff.

You could try and reframe it in your mind that we get to go through childbirth, we get to experience growing a child in our body, nourishing them and experiencing a love and bond for that child in a way a father cannot. If we choose to breast feed we get to experience the nothing short of miraculous set up that breastfeeding is, that stuff is truly magical. Periods are a bloody pain, literally and metaphorically, but we also get a cycle or hormones, a clear out if you like, think of your period as a good old purge and a new beginning is coming, we get different stages of our life, men do puberty but then it's just a long old trudge to the end!

If given up on my underarms and bikini line. I get so sore and itchy from shaving, waxing hurts and is expensive and I loathe spending money on something I don't even want to do. I epilate my legs sometimes. I've got quite used to having furry underarms and actually prefer it now! Oh and I went to the spa yesterday!

It’s probably more an issue of you having dark hair and pale skin. I have a mirena coil so zero periods, yes I will have menopause but I intend to take HRT, I have almost no hair growth on my legs and my underarms and bikini line hair is also fairly minimal and I’m pale with fair hair so it causes me no issues to remove hair. I actually feel bad for my DP who has to shave his face daily. That seems more high maintenance than my routine.

It IS a bloody nightmare, OP. I am WITH you!

I don’t like how people’s attitudes are “just don’t do it then.” It is not accepted by society to do this (yet).

If nobody did it society would have no choice but to accept it.

I've never heard the word verifying used that way, but whether she meant doing her make up in the first place or spending time later making sure it still looks ok, my point stands! She is choosing to do that and, as you said, why would you if you don't enjoy it?

I have great news for you. It's perfectly accepted. I do none of it, and live very happily in society.

I don't remove hair unless it's becoming uncomfortable for me. I don't wear a bra day to day. Or makeup.

Just only do the things that men do. Which is wash and brush teeth and hair.

Those sound comfortable actually. It isn’t harmful to not have support, even if is uncomfortable.

Back in the real world, I took police 999 calls from people who jumped off bridges whilst on the line to me. Parents that found their children who had hung themselves in their bedroom, people who died in fatal house fires.
I'm glad that this is all you have to worry about. I genuinely mean that. Things could be so much worse than a period and a bit of shaving.

She didn’t say it was all she had to worry about did she? You’ve just made that up. You know, a human brain is incredible, it’s almost as if it can enjoy, hate, worry, sympathise, be irritated by all different things at the same time, to varying degrees! Marvellous thing it is.