To just hate having a woman's body

[Redgreenbluetwo]

Maybe it's cos everything has happened at once today, but I just hate having a woman's body, and DH doesn't know how lucky he is.

Meant to be going on a spa day tomorrow with my friend. Obviously I got my period today. It fucking hurts, is a mess, and makes tomorrow more difficult. On top of that I have to go through the rigmarole of hair removal. I hate having dark hair and having to shave my armpits most days. Just such a pain in the arse. Now I have to do my bikini line later as well, and woe betide me if my legs are ever prickly. And my bra has been giving me gyp at work all day too.

Just bugger off with it all.

DH has to worry about none of those things. Sometimes I just hate it. I can't really remember what it was like to be a kid and not have the hassle of these things either but they really are just so bloody annoying!! And we have childbirth. And I have the menopause to look forward to. Men can be as hairy as they like, have no periods, no bras, no anything. Aaarggh!

Jesus Christ. It's possible to moan about minor life irritants whilst recognising that people have a worse time.

Periods are mildly annoying. When they come the day before a spa day they are more irritating. Having to remove body hair is irritating as well. I am free to moan about both.

Obviously I am not equating these things with objectively much more serious things. But if you go down that line then nobody would ever be able to moan about anything because there's always someone worse off. Show me someone with endometriosis and I'll show you someone with brain cancer before telling the endometriosis lady to pipe down.

Of course it's possible. I'm just giving my view that balancing your moaning with an acknowledgement that it could be worse can actually be a useful thing to do, and helps some people gain perspective and get on with their day more positively. And that it's a shame we seem to have replaced 'count your blessings' with validating every minor irritation. You're no less hairy because you're moaning. However if it makes you feel better about it, fair play. Personally I prefer to focus on the positives, and remembering that it could be worse helps me. But each to their own.

They can’t help having bald heads and could you imagine a man saying that about women? Mumsnet would be frothing

I am. I’ve always been fat. I’ve battled it all I can, extreme diets and exercise and Mounjaro, I’ll always have massive lumpy legs and a big tummy and there seems nothing I can do. I am deeply ashamed and will never meet any ideas of a good female shape. I used to find clothes shopping a nightmare and extremely demoralising. I am slimmer now, on the high end of normal, so I can at least get clothes that fit and which I like but I still have to choose carefully, taking account of the thunder thighs and immense bust.

Someone will be along to say just eat less and move more - I’m doing all I can.

OP I'm quite fair with dark hair, if you can afford it go for a course of laser hair removal, best thing I've ever done, and I keep it at bay with a Philips Lumea.
I wax my underarms with boots own brand strips, the hair is so fine now, I used to shave every other day.
Waxing is always better than shaving, you just have to persevere until the hair is fine.

Got a mirena and stopped my periods and pain. Got laser so dont need to shave

I'm considered to be a radical feminist and I wouldn't say that to you. Feminism is about having choices and doing our best to understand where the other person is coming from.

I also don't like being hairy.

OP where do you live or how far would you travel for laser treatment. My lady does payment plans.

I hear you, OP. The upkeep, the periods and now my body has decided to just expand endlessly sideways. Since I had DC I waved goodbye to a figure that was pretty good and now it is very different. I got haemorrhoids that I will have to sort out because they make me feel uncomfortable, itch and bleed. Makes me pretty annoyed.

I think the high chance of going bald if you are a man isn’t great either, I love my hair.

As I get older I am increasingly struck by differences which for some bizarre reason didn’t seem so obvious when younger. Men have so much more muscle and therefore it is easier for them to maintain a reasonable BMI. If they do gain weight it’s mainly around the gut whereas women gain it all over. Men are taller and stronger and take it for granted.

In spite of decades of social change sport is nearly all about what men can do in terms of strength, speed and skill. Women are catching up but still not taken as seriously and certainly don’t have a billion-pound sports industry or sponsorship.

And men of course get time for their sports. Look at any golf course at the weekend and they are out there enjoying themselves - not a woman to be seen. Or out on their bikes in Lycra with all the gear! Or at the football (this is mostly an outlet for drinking and fighting). The women are still at home wrangling the kids and maybe get the time for the odd Zumba class.

Then we are handed a male-orientated BMI chart an are asked why we don’t conform. I don’t have the muscle mass to burn the calories. That’s why! I do actually swim several times a week and count my steps religiously.

I got sick of it too, now I use men's hair clippers anywhere I want the hair off, it's not smooth like a wet shave but good enough. Also a menstrual cup for period. Counting the days till they stop now I'm 50.

Seems it's coming full circle. I was born in the late 1960s, and when I was a teen, you could shave if you wanted, but it wasn't required. I basically only shave my bikini line when on holidays and living in bikinis all day, or my legs if I want to wear fine pantyhose or a shorter skirt for an occasion (I have rather dark hair).

Also, I was mostly put off shaving the soft skin in armpits and bikini line after getting an abscess in the armpit after shaving for a flamenco dance occasion. Followed by sepsis and a few weeks after that by bad bronchiolitis due to destroyed immune system from medication. That put me in bed for 3 weeks and 5 weeks reconvalescence - right before my final M. Sc. exams. So, not worth for a regular shave!

Since menopause, hair growth on the body has greyeg and slowed considerably (but I also lost some of my head hair). But that came with other problems (hot flushes, tiredness, osteoporosis, muscle rheumatism). So yeah, it can be sh!t to be a woman.

But then again, just enjoy your day at the spa, OP, shaven or unshaven 💐. I don't think many people actually notice, except for a few 16 year old girls conditioned by social media (ask me how I know ;-)).

I like bald 🤷‍♀️. I have met some extremely sexy bald men in my time. It’s certainly not “disgusting”, doesn’t need anything doing about and why tf would I put pressure on a man to “fix” something that’s pretty much unfixable?

for women, it’s not a choice. Or not a free choice anyway. most of the year I do not remove any body hair. Yet when I plan to wear a short sleeve top in the summer I will shave my armpits, and I do my legs and bikini line for holiday.

not because I choose to, but I am aware that hair on women is socially unacceptable, at best people will silently judge, at worst there will be open horror and disgust.

as women we’re conditioned to care about what others think and not to upset or negatively impact other people. It is very hard to overcome that. I know I should not give a fuck, and I don’t really, I’m shaving so I don’t “disgust” others, not because I want to.

You have a body that works which enables you to defuzz, wash, wipe your own arse and whatever else you need to do. Be grateful for that. Lots of people with physical disabilities would swap places with you in a heart beat. When/if you get older and become riddled with debilitating arthritis, rheumatism you will think back to these minor grumblings and wish you had these glory days back.

I agree with all you say, OP, the maintenance and periods are a pain. However, I would hate to have a man's body - all those bits dangling between your legs, and unpredictable erections! Ugh.

Of course we can imagine men saying these things about women. Do you suppose for a moment they don't? And not just in general terms on forums either. A lot of them think it's fair game to say them to individual women. Have you never heard a woman say she's been abused in the street and called fat and ugly by random men? And women objecting to that would be 'frothing' would they, rather than justifiably calling it out?
I think its a little over defensive of you to worry about the possibility a theoretical man might be reading MN and be deeply wounded that a woman doesn't find bald men attractive. Most of them care far less about what we think of their looks than what they think of ours. Which is why you get unattractive men trying it on with attractive women.

My DH is bald and I find him very sexy. I agree with you about bald being good. Bring it on! 😅

Unfortunately I was 'blessed' in the norks department. Impossible to find decent bras, so I just wear cotton crop top type ones, which don't give much support but at least are breathable.

shaving every day?

I have had them since I was 7 so no idea what the cause is at this point. NHS aren’t interested as my kidneys are in good health!

Evolution has fucked us over!

Not just periods, although clearly it would be better if we could lay an egg and be done with it. The hens have it great!

But body hair too. Evolution has got rid of enough of it to give people the idea that having none sounds like a good idea, without getting rid of all of it so that we have to do that manually!

And the child-creating process?! We have to carry the child, nourish it in the womb, feed it from our boobs, wreck our vaginas getting it out, go through the savage pain of childbirth itself... And what do men have to endure? An orgasm!

This is why I don't believe in a merciful God!

Right. Off to the spa. Fuck my period.

Don't shave. The sooner women stop trying to make their bodies look like prepubescent girls to confirm to men's ideals the better. When you actually think about it, it's very disturbing.

Men have to shave their face every day if they’re not bearded!
No woman has to remove hair. I only do leg hair now in the summer, bikini when I’m going on holiday, and underarm is easy.
Periods are a PITA. Once advantage of being menopausal.

I don't look prepubescent. I have pubic hair. It's just short and doesn't poke out of my knickers.

It was just a moan about the time it takes to get to a place that I am comfortable with (for both my own preferences and society's).