AIBU to refuse moving in if asked to pay half his mortgage?

[HolyCheeses]

I have a small house here which I am renovating alone with a view to then downsize slightly leaving me with a smaller mortgage (I have 3 adult 18+ DC all at uni/jobs living independently)

My Boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years

Hes almost finishing renovating a huge property with an annexe for his parents. Hes asked me to move and has asked me to be very involved with decision making for the home -

Hes 8 weeks away from being able to move back in and has been asking about planning and pushing for me to give him a date for relocation . I told him we’d need to discuss finances first. His idea of fair varies massively from mine.

He has proposed we split the bills down the middle 50:50 and the same for his mortgage.

They would leave me worse off than where I am now. Having to find and settle into a new job and location is a risk as it is and I’d have no disposable income after such huge living costs

He earns twice what I do and I don’t feel comfortable paying towards a mortgage of a property I’d not have a stake in subsidising his asset whilst diminishing my financial stability.

he cannot see my point of view at all and has told me I’d pay the same in rent in a flat but that’s not the point - I’d be better off where I am

i am being unreasonable- he’s seems bereft and stunned I’m not leaping at the chance to move next month!??

BS Bingo: Marry Me.

(after he's run through all the other BS Bingo statements suggested above)

my spiritual mentor says: Just listen long enough to someone, all their real inner self comes out eventually....I am assuming the man is taking the POA for both parents and budgeting just enough carers and cleaners money as viable to his overall greedy plans, having in mind he calculated that his girlfriend will be both financing him and making up free hours of cleaning, caring and dog walking lol

I expect yes!

The whole spreadsheet is quite controlling too, as he’s included things on there for the OP to pay to him “up front” each month that most people would consider discretionary spending.

Or more likely “let’s get engaged” but then refuse to plan a wedding

also.. move in straight away means giving up your job in your own area now and selling your own house immediately, which you haven't renovated because you've been working on his renovations, doesn't it? (therefore not getting as much for your house as you could have)

Notice period at work.. time to stage house, instruct estate agents, have viewings, surveyors etc.. and exchange

He hasn't given any thought to your circumstances at all.., its all about... I need you to start contributing now.

NOPE.

Interest is heavy loaded at the front end of any loan so if OP was expected to pay half the interest, she'd be well worse off!

i wonder how soon he’ll find someone else to
move in, and become his friends with benefits, financial and otherwise.

BS bingo -
…but I thought you luv-ed me

… You’ve been stringing me along

… emotional manipulation - threats of depression, not being able to live with you, self harm etc

At least he's shown you his true colours before you were more committed.

I do wonder what on earth goes through some men's heads at times.

nah...he deserves one still good looking not very young but youngish Russian who knows her mind to come and get him married to her and charm him and until he realises , she will be in his will, in his parents will and her kids will get everything ...as we say in my country, he has not met his master yet

Offer to split the bills 50/50 but never pay towards a mortgage that your name isn’t on.

I’m assuming that anything his parents pay would go towards his 50% - so you’d be paying more of the costs than him.

I wouldn’t be waiting to do this face to face though to be honest - I think you should end it asap.

My DH once described seeing me complete the last mile of a half marathon as like "watching a sloth wade through treacle"...

RUDE!

My DP said to me, "It's weird how you move your legs really fast, but don't really go anywhere." Fucker.

😂😂😂

Op, bloody well done!

How refreshing to have an op that actually takes note of the advice given and prioritises herself and gets rid of the useless piece of male that's dragging her life down! Good on you!

BB:

How can you do this to me.
I thought you said you loved me.

Expecting you to be worse off than you are now is crazy and selfish. What happens if the relationship ends??? You could find yourself homeless and broke. Stick to your plan and keep your own home sounds like he wants you to help pay off his mortgage with very little in return.

I reckon the CF is the Mexican House Thief...

BB - I can't believe you've let me down like this...

BB
You won’t find a man that will ever love you as much as I do!
You’ve deceived me I would’ve bought a smaller house had you told me the truth!
You will die a lonely old lady because you push everyone away!
You will look back on this in years to come as your biggest regret! I could’ve made you the happiest woman alive!
or
You’re judging me as though I’m like your exH, you need therapy to get over your past!

I was going to say the exact same thing.

He will either propose (maybe even with a nice rock that you will somehow end up paying for later down the line) but you will never actually get married...

...or he will tell you that he'll lose the house and he and his parents will be homeless because of you, you big meanie and it's all your fault.

BB
Its too late to back out now!

You're answering your own question. Stay where you are.

BB - I had no idea you were so mercenary!