AIBU to refuse moving in if asked to pay half his mortgage?

[HolyCheeses]

I have a small house here which I am renovating alone with a view to then downsize slightly leaving me with a smaller mortgage (I have 3 adult 18+ DC all at uni/jobs living independently)

My Boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years

Hes almost finishing renovating a huge property with an annexe for his parents. Hes asked me to move and has asked me to be very involved with decision making for the home -

Hes 8 weeks away from being able to move back in and has been asking about planning and pushing for me to give him a date for relocation . I told him we’d need to discuss finances first. His idea of fair varies massively from mine.

He has proposed we split the bills down the middle 50:50 and the same for his mortgage.

They would leave me worse off than where I am now. Having to find and settle into a new job and location is a risk as it is and I’d have no disposable income after such huge living costs

He earns twice what I do and I don’t feel comfortable paying towards a mortgage of a property I’d not have a stake in subsidising his asset whilst diminishing my financial stability.

he cannot see my point of view at all and has told me I’d pay the same in rent in a flat but that’s not the point - I’d be better off where I am

i am being unreasonable- he’s seems bereft and stunned I’m not leaping at the chance to move next month!??

I don’t think OP is delusional. I think it’s unreasonable to expect a person not on mortgage to pay half the costs. Half the interest payment is fair but not the capital repayment.

What a refreshing read OP, as has been said this really is a bullet dodged. I hope you have learned some lessons from his renovation that you can use to make yours even better. Though smaller, more affordable, less cleaning and maintenance, less elderly care and 100% yours, enjoy!

All I can say is that he must be dining on fillet steak every night that someone else cooks for him.

I think it's fair to say that you have hundreds of us wishing you well and dying to know what he says when you tell him you are calling it a day. Very best of luck.

How are his sums not complete yet when he's already calculated down to the granular costing of monthly dog walking and boiler insurance? He's probably going to add in repayments to his car loan, and paying his mum's podiatry appointments onto the joint costs.

Good luck in your own house OP, with no gold digging man trying to rinse you for money!

Yes, he’s tried to pull a proper fast one here hasn’t he!?

Steam rolled ahead with a property he obviously cannot afford, but kept sufficient information back, so as to cloud her decision until it is a done deal, and she’s stuck in a terrible position financially, and emotionally. But he is a great as gets all the benefits and none of the pain…..

A1 asshole!

I’m just interested whether you’ve spoken to him yet? I know this has given you the ick regardless and rightly so, but has he even recognised how unfair he was being?

So clever vipers

bullshit bingo? Responses after I tell him? I want to do it in person which won’t be until next week.

im going for

‘but I did this all for you and us - for our future’

When are you next seeing him @HolyCheeses? I would be tempted to tell him to start looking for a lodger or two in the next 8 weeks as you won’t be moving in. After seeing his spreadsheet you realise you’d be paying through the nose for a house that wasn’t your.own. I’d thank him sincerely for his spreadsheet giving you the clarity that your own goal is in renovating your house, selling it and buying your forever home and security.

Bullshit Bingo:
I bought the house for you and DC

Bullshit Bingo
”but we planned all this together “

This was our dream ;)

Bullshit bingo

You can’t afford to eat healthily on less than £1400 per month!

Hi OP,

I am SO relieved that the scales have fallen off and you're ending the relationship. Well done!

I was in a similar position when I was 52, except I married him after a whirlwind courtship. So dumb, but I learned.

The plan was for me to sell my home that I had owned for 21 years and join him in our "dream house" he bought (we both chose) shortly before we married. The expectation was that I'd sell my home and use the huge equity to pay off the HELOC loan he took out for home upgrades of over $200K! And because he paid cash for the new home, he was cash poor and so expected me to cover expenses until I sold my home. I gave the green light for my realtor to list my home.

Friends organized an intervention of sorts, telling me not to sell my only remaining asset. They also said, "This isn't love." The scales fell off and I told my realtor to take down the listing for now. I wanted to wait and watch.

He went ballistic. The love bombing, the accusations, the panic, the anger, and the blame and shame...it was very eye opening. 2 weeks later I filed for divorce, got a shit hot lawyer, and I got back all the money I had loaned him for upgrades.

That was 5 years ago. I am now in my dream home in another state, living happily with my pets, and loving my life and all its abundance.

I am cheering you on!

I will be waiting for this < next week you are telling him> event now all week lol
Would love to have been there as a fly on the wall
Requires a new thread onto which he will deserve a great bashing and laughing

BS Bingo: Whatever he leads with + Mother was so looking forward to the new arrangement.

how i wish well earning women in this country woke up to these many threads and understanding something: you are not meant to give it all to a man, not even 50/50

BS Bingo: But I kept it as a surprise, because you see I always keep the best things I plan for you and us as a surprise

I’m going for something like ‘I thought you loved me. You led me on.’

More BS Bingo:

You can't let me down at the last minute like this!

So, you wanted a rich man to subsidise you?

For you, it's all about the money, isn't it?

"I can't believe you're only telling me this now, after all our plans..."

Bullshit bingo :

But I will add you to the Deeds at SOME point

There’s someone else isn’t there?

His ego won’t allow him to believe this is just you making a decision

How about 'But who will pay for my parents food and utilities? '

"What am I going to do now?? I can't afford the house without your contribution, which you agreed to make."

"I would never expect you to take care of my parents."

BS Bingo 'Those costs were just ESTIMATES, of course you won't be paying that much - you'll be better off than you are now!'