AIBU to refuse moving in if asked to pay half his mortgage?

[HolyCheeses]

I have a small house here which I am renovating alone with a view to then downsize slightly leaving me with a smaller mortgage (I have 3 adult 18+ DC all at uni/jobs living independently)

My Boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years

Hes almost finishing renovating a huge property with an annexe for his parents. Hes asked me to move and has asked me to be very involved with decision making for the home -

Hes 8 weeks away from being able to move back in and has been asking about planning and pushing for me to give him a date for relocation . I told him we’d need to discuss finances first. His idea of fair varies massively from mine.

He has proposed we split the bills down the middle 50:50 and the same for his mortgage.

They would leave me worse off than where I am now. Having to find and settle into a new job and location is a risk as it is and I’d have no disposable income after such huge living costs

He earns twice what I do and I don’t feel comfortable paying towards a mortgage of a property I’d not have a stake in subsidising his asset whilst diminishing my financial stability.

he cannot see my point of view at all and has told me I’d pay the same in rent in a flat but that’s not the point - I’d be better off where I am

i am being unreasonable- he’s seems bereft and stunned I’m not leaping at the chance to move next month!??

please remember to come back OP & tell us his response, i'm invested now

Sorry what I mean is he didn’t tell me the amount of the mortgage just that it would be £700 per month

@HolyCheeses !!!

Need a new thread!

I usually wade through treacle 😀

But as blokes regularly remind us, it's not all about size! 😂

I didn't even add on gas/oil, electricity, water!

It's spreadsheet that could win a prize for fiction, OP.

Might be interesting to see a copy of his dpread sheet OP znd peruse it....just to establish how big a cheeky fxxker he is.😁

I wouldn't be moving in with a boyfriend who had an annexe for his parents. He'd be expecting me to look after them.

Never mind the mortgage issue.

Am so invested and hate myself for being mawkish @HolyCheeses but really hope you post an update thread at some point to let us know how it went/goes when you tell him.

Good luck with the reno. Just finished our 20 year odyssey (2 kids, no money at the start) and love it. Our home gives us so much pleasure - really hoping yours goes swimmingly!

I can't get over the rooms for your adult kids part. Did they actually want them, or were they a bit bemused by it all?

I am not sure I can add to BB

Most has been covered

What seems to be the common thread is that you will get the blame for his decisions

So a "oh how predictably boring, a man blaming a woman on his decisions when it suits him, was quite happy to let her pay half of everything, including his parent's bills I suspect but I will happily never know, do god knows what percentage of unpaid caring and domestic tasks and would still be expected to do it in a certain way because when it comes down to it, it is yours and only your fucking house. And you know this."

And if he does turn into a righteous, blaming wanker you can throw it back in his face in that "this is one good thing about not being legally tied to this building or you, I can just walk away back to my house and life"

You need solid, unquestionable responses @HolyCheeses
And the mumsnet hive can also help with those as well!

This!

He's offering you equality and you're turning it down ?

This just perpetuates evey bad stereotype of women, meanness, greed, lack of accountability lack of responsibility, lack of contribution

You're just confirming to him you don't want to invest in the relationship, very telling really

So you would advise a woman to pay 50% of her boyfriend's mortgage with no legal claim on the property?

I mean, it is an eye opener....hopefully for many other women on the more mature spectre believing in love and second chance.....try him and his core before committing anything

Lol, he had you lined up to fund his and his parents' new pad.

IS HE FUCKING KIDDING???

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5520423-holycheeses-and-mary-the-spreadsheet-the-bullshit-bingo-and-the-aftermath-part-deux?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

But it isn't equality is it. He will own 100% of the house while OP pays 50% of the mortgage with no claim on the house.

Just to add, I have been married for longer than many of you (I am guessing) have been alive. Never in all that time has a spreadsheet appeared but more to the point while sometimes he has been the highest earner and sometimes I was I could honestly not tell you what percentage of anything either of us paid. It was all joint money and all joint expenses. I realise that the arrangement in OPs situation was not based on marriage but whatever it was it was not going to be equality. Equal contribution should mean equal rights.

Absolute nonsense. Hrs asking her to pay half his mortgage fur a property his parents also live in without her being on the deeds and with him earning more than double her salary.

Not equality on any way shape or form

How you can deduced she’s the greedy one here is breathtaking (and misogynistic) - why would she want to invest in a relationship with someone trying to fleece her to keep him and his parents living the life of Riley while she’s left penniless?

And quite rightly 99% disagree with you and think he’s a piss taking money grabbing twat.

This!

You're allowed to say no...?

Or you get married first.

You need some legal protection before you start paying anything towards a house you have no rights over.

I'm not surprised he's keen for you to move in - you'll halve his bills, and likely end up taking over most of the household running. He's on to a winner!

Not that it matters but I wonder if the parents have lots of luxey ready meals eat in for 2 etc. An adult son working ft and 2 people in thier 80s I can't see a lot of batch cooking chilli happening. Also some people of that generation drink A LOT.

Really pleased you got there in the end. Well done!

I think I’ve worked out what he’s up to, and will reveal all on the new thread. Dum dum dum …

You've ignored OP's statement:
" would leave me worse off than where I am now. Having to find and settle into a new job and location is a risk as it is and I’d have no disposable income after such huge living costs"

Why should she be expected to relocate, sell her house that she's stalled renovations on to lend him assistance on his, find a new job on the same salary, and yet have no disposable income left... how is that equality for the privilege of living with him, reducing his living costs, and potentially caring for his parents. He's put cleaning and housekeeping into his costs because he knows she'd have to trade those services just to have some disposable income.

She'd be paying 50% of all his costs with no equity and no disposable income and providing household services to make up for it.

Equal?