To think it’s none of relatives business how we spend our weekends?

[Moreminieggs13]

Both of our dc play competitive sport. It can involve a lot of travelling and it’s a big commitment. This means that dh and I are out with the dc for several hours at weekends. Plus there are evening sessions that we/they have to attend.

By the time we’ve been out, we want some time to do some housework, go to the shops, have dinner, relax and watch a bit of TV, there isn’t much time left.

Before when our dc were little we used to spend a lot of time visiting relatives, or having them over to ours, this would take up a big chunk of our weekends and often involved early morning visits.

I found it a bit suffocating to be honest but always felt that it was expected of us, for example my in laws expected that we’d see them Saturday and Sunday mornings.

Anyway since the dc have been playing sport we obviously haven’t had the time for the visits and we get loads of snide remarks about it.

At first we’d get constant early morning phone calls about visiting even though we already said that we were out at sports events now.

Then the comments came about how it’s all too much and how we never have any time, how we are always at sports. Then they’d try to plan things in knowing we wouldn’t be able to do it and saying thinks like “ugh I suppose you’ll be out doing xxx, it’s all you ever do”.

Aibu to think we can do what we like and that visiting relatives doesn’t take precedent over our children’s hobbies.

Honestly? So what! Ignore them. Your dc come first. Most sports have some respite from competition so I would see them then. One day, all together. Done.

Could they visit in the week or come to sporting events? Meet for lunch after a match? They seem selfish though!

Its not only none of their business, it’s outrageous that they should feel like this.

If by ‘relatives’ you mean your parents in law, ask DH to ask them to stop it. It’s up to him to consult you them manage how / when / how often you see them.

I've made it a firm principle in life to ignore all advice from other people with "well-meant" recommendations about how I bring my child up. Particularly when people volunteer that anything is "too much". It's served me well.

None of their business and it's not your job to entertain your relatives.

Of course you can do what you like and priories hobbies as you see fit

but I do wonder if you might do yourself a favour if from time to time you chose family / gave the sport a miss, or invited them to spectate or get lunch or dinner after - it’s clear they want to see you so give them an option that doesn’t involve extra work from you?

You are right it’s not their business, but how often do you see them?

I take it all these comments are from your In laws? Are they saying this to you via messaging?

They are not interested in coming along to watch, they are not interested in visiting during the week on the evening and they are generally not interested in coming over on let’s say a Friday evening for a takeaway, because they are busy themselves.

But they don’t see the hypocrisy in this.

Just your in-laws saying this?

Your kids are at a stage of life which is probably only going to be a few years and they never get this opportunity again. Of course I can understand grandparents feeling they’re missing out but they need to try to fit in with your family priorities rather than expecting your lives to revolve around themselves.

If it’s your in laws could your DH pop in to see them in his own? You don’t want the DC to miss out on their sports but it’s also important your husband still sees his parents if he has a good relationship with them. I never get the big family visit thing unless they’re far away. It’s fine for him to drop in for a coffee himself. It sounds like they just need to get used to the fact this is the new norm now the GC are growing up

It's their decision not to take you up on your invitation to come and watch their grandchildren play their sports or to visit in the evening during the week so it's their own fault that they don't see their grandkids very often. Their moaning is annoying as they are the ones who are so picky about how and when they see their grandchildren and they aren't willing to be flexible at all.

Try and just ignore their moaning.

He actually does.

He pops by for a coffee after works and he even goes round for lunch on his lunch hour at work!

It’s not just me that wants the dc to play sport. Ime plays at county level so we do both want to watch them compete.

Op

is this just your in laws?

how are they conveying this nagging… to you via messaging?

Stop listening to it.
Stop entertaining it at all.
Really weird that they think they have any vote in this.
Doesn't sound like you or your children are missing anything not seeing them.

Keep asking them when they are going to join you to watch them play their sports....every time.

It might shut them up.

He needs to go back to them with
“Ugh - I suppose you don’t want to come and watch/support your dgc; you never do”

He needs to get in the habit of asking them to visit when it’s convenient for you, so they are always the ones who decline and have to admit THEY are too busy…

Your DC only get a very short window of time to play sports as kids - if they are enjoying it and you are happy to support them it’s no one else’s business!

It’s mainly my in laws but my sibling does it too.

It’s always comments when we do see them.

Stuff like them saying that it’s too much what we are doing, saying that we spend too much money on the hobbies, saying you’re always off doing xxx, in a negative way.

As long as you continue to invite them to join you regularly then I wouldn’t worry about their moaning, if they choose not to join you that’s their choice

How often do you see them?

And this issue aside, do you get on with your in laws?

but ultimately if they’re saying things that piss you off when you get together, you just gotta woman up (or better yet - your husband develop a spine) and say “ok enough with the barbed comments….. the kids are growing up and weekends are full of commitments. We see you when we can, let’s just enjoy the time together rather than whinge”

These people sound incredibly selfish and self serving, if they had a genuine interest and love for you and your children they would compromise to see you all, not demanding or complaining that YOU do too much for your kids and not them.

Do what works for you, and when you do visit them I'd be putting stops to the complaining by leaving, no one gets to dictate how your family works op, you sound like devoted parents and this time doesn't last forever.

Well, I don’t disagree with them, though I’d keep my opinion entirely to myself. I think it’s ridiculous when any activity essentially eats weekends on a regular basis. My rule has always been that you need to get yourself to any sport or activity. DS had a friend when he was he was in primary who spent significant chunks of weekends with us for years because her two older brothers were serious tennis players in different age groups and either had matches or training camps in different places at weekends, so one parent had to take each of them, and their little sister was just hanging around a sports centre or tennis court all day if she wasn’t with us.

I think I would respond to this with: But DC really enjoys the sport and I think it’s good for them because it’s time with their mates, good exercise and time spent outdoors. Are you saying I should stop DC doing it?

Leave the question hanging.

Hopefully they will squirm and realise how ridiculous they are.

How can it be ridiculous?

Firstly, one of my children is 10, so I don’t think they’d be travelling all around the county by themselves.

Secondly, dh and I want to go. We enjoy it, we absolutely love watching the dc do their thing and supporting them. We’ve made some great friends and it’s what we want to do.

Then they don’t do the sport if they can’t get to training etc themselves. It’s ridiculous if it takes up significant chunks of the average week, evenings as well as weekends.