To think it’s none of relatives business how we spend our weekends?

[Moreminieggs13]

Both of our dc play competitive sport. It can involve a lot of travelling and it’s a big commitment. This means that dh and I are out with the dc for several hours at weekends. Plus there are evening sessions that we/they have to attend.

By the time we’ve been out, we want some time to do some housework, go to the shops, have dinner, relax and watch a bit of TV, there isn’t much time left.

Before when our dc were little we used to spend a lot of time visiting relatives, or having them over to ours, this would take up a big chunk of our weekends and often involved early morning visits.

I found it a bit suffocating to be honest but always felt that it was expected of us, for example my in laws expected that we’d see them Saturday and Sunday mornings.

Anyway since the dc have been playing sport we obviously haven’t had the time for the visits and we get loads of snide remarks about it.

At first we’d get constant early morning phone calls about visiting even though we already said that we were out at sports events now.

Then the comments came about how it’s all too much and how we never have any time, how we are always at sports. Then they’d try to plan things in knowing we wouldn’t be able to do it and saying thinks like “ugh I suppose you’ll be out doing xxx, it’s all you ever do”.

Aibu to think we can do what we like and that visiting relatives doesn’t take precedent over our children’s hobbies.

If the are going to be competitive though, they have to go, and a lot. I know a lass who swims competitively, and to get to that level she was training every morning, multiple evenings a week, and weekends. If her parents hadn’t been willing to support that she wouldn’t now be at the elite level, which is also how she got her fully paid scholarship!

She’s offered them loads of times the problem is they’re at the pub or off cycling and won’t go to see them at the sports events. Not sure what else she could offer!

Have you read her posts? They have offered other times! But the relatives want Saturday mornings.

Depends if they've been helpful to you. Within reasonable boundaries, of course, but as long as they're healthy enough, most grandparents do help out. If they've never done a thing for you, but expected you to run round whenever it suits them, they're out of order.
IF they have helped (or if they would but couldn't due to health), then I wouldn't say it's none of their business, but would try to find some compromise.

If they can't come along or meet you guys in the middle, such as take turns in meeting for dinner in the week at each others houses then there's not much you can do. There must be the odd day at the weekend too where there's no sport on? Most sports have seasons.
And when they were younger, every single Sat and Sunday morning? Too much. Perhaps had you guys not spent so much time with them back then, they'd not have expected as much now.

Can the parents not get involved in supporting the grandchildren in their sporting endeavour?
Seem a bit of a shame

But the inlaws refuse to do that - they will only make themselves available on weekday mornings! Surely it’s got to be give and take, especially given that the things that the inlaws consider immutable include FIL’s Friday night in the pub!

If they wanted to see you badly enough, they'd make more of an effort. They just want you to conveniently attend when it suits their time slots.

I'd simply say, we don't set the times, the sports body does. We'll see you when the rugby/footie/netball/etc season is over!

I'm really glad my parents didn't have your attitude. I played sport at a very high level as a child (internationally) and my goodness how lucky was I to have supportive parents that backed me every inch of the way, but without any pressure at all. I am not part of that sporting world any more, but it's still something we look back on as a family very, very fondly and share stories and memories. The thought of not being able to follow my childhood passion because it was "eating up" the weekend I find incredibly sad.

How you spend your time is none of anyone else’s business. If you, DH and the kids have carved out a lifestyle that suits you then that’s how it is. You don’t owe anyone your time. If you saw everyone who wanted spend time with you, especially only on their terms, you’d never have the option to spend your time as you wish.

Wtf? I wouldn’t put up with this 🤣

having read OP’s posts, I think your relatives are BVU. Why do they even want to see you if they don’t care to come support the GC even once in a blue moon? Or make a small compromise in their schedule?
They have a small window of free time and expect you to be at their back and call at the exact time it suits them 🙄.

What is ridiculous is you thinking parents should not be involved in their young children’s interests. Our children competed in judo for 5 years only giving up when senior school homework and study took precedence. We both accompanied them to county wide competitions every weekend, often both days, because we all enjoyed the time together. That’s what parents do.

Why don't you turn it back on them and instead of saying we can't do XXX days because of Hobby, just say you have plans then, but you're free on XX, XX, XX or XX @ whatever time - "any of those work for you or are you too busy?"

How you spend your time is your business! If the relatives want to see you and the kids just tell them where the sports fixture is……..sorted!

They got used to seeing you every weekend morning so I can see why they're put out but if they really wanted to see you all they'd make an effort. You have a life, so do they, but if they won't accept anything but weekend mornings then they're really not that bothered

Then you just don’t see them.. who cares what they say. You’re happy what you’re doing, if they aren’t willing to accommodate neither are you. Some family are so entitled that you bend backwards for their wants!

In your shoes I think I would be repeatedly asking them to attend your sports fixtures "DC would love it if you came to support" "Big game this weekend, why not come and see how amazing DC is these days" "It's ages since you saw them play, come and watch DC with us this Saturday -you'll be surprised how much they've improved since you saw them" Every week. Make them say no every week, until you get to say (sadly, with a frowny face) "It's such a shame you never have time to watch DC do this thing they love..."

I feel your pain as we have two competitive sports kids in our house, both compete at a regional & national level in 2 sports and one is also on an Olympic pathway for another. Our weekday evenings are taken up with training and weekends often involve multiple local / regional / national events (not both days every weekend, but fairly regularly that’s the picture). My parents aren’t really that interested, but do try to occasionally attend and are very supportive in their attitude towards the kids sports which is lovely. They are very proud of the achievements and also the effort the kids put in, which is lovely. They were very supportive of me in my hobbies and sports when I was growing up, and spent a lot of time with me travelling around (although I was competing at a lower level than my own kids do). My in-laws have little to no interest in any of it, and can’t understand why we support our children in their sports and spend so much time facilitating them. They didn’t allow their children to have hobbies or do sports growing up. This may have been a financial thing, or a not-wanting-to-spend-the-time thing, my husband isn’t sure. He wishes he had been allowed to pursue some sports he really loved and was pretty good at, but he had to limit himself to school time participation.

We just ignore any comments, or say positive things like ‘yes, isn’t it brilliant that they aren’t on screens like so many teens / preteens, they are out being healthy and pursuing their dreams and making great friends along the way’. This would be in response to a moan about “it’s such a shame you waste your Sundays on taking the children to all these competitions instead of just relaxing”. I keep it ridiculously over the top positive and just steam roll any moaning 🤣

I’d flip it and start saying you’ll come over on Friday. And keep doing it!

The hypocrisy is so frustrating!

I think your hubbie needs to have a stern word and tell them to shut up with their nasty comments as if it continues you won't be bothering to come and see them ever.

😂 this is why we have a child obesity health crisis in the U.K.

Are you taking the p*ss? A child can’t do a sport or activity if they can’t get to training themselves? Are you saying none of your kids do any sports because you’re too uninterested to encourage their abilities or hobbies? Just say you’re lazy and self absorbed and leave it at that then!! You have the most ridiculously stupid outlook as a parent I’ve ever seen. But I’m thinking you don’t have any kids because you don’t sound like a loving caring parent so you clearly don’t understand. Imagine all the top sports celebs were told by parents go to your training and games by yourself, they wouldn’t be were they are now if they’d parents like you.