To think it’s none of relatives business how we spend our weekends?

[Moreminieggs13]

Both of our dc play competitive sport. It can involve a lot of travelling and it’s a big commitment. This means that dh and I are out with the dc for several hours at weekends. Plus there are evening sessions that we/they have to attend.

By the time we’ve been out, we want some time to do some housework, go to the shops, have dinner, relax and watch a bit of TV, there isn’t much time left.

Before when our dc were little we used to spend a lot of time visiting relatives, or having them over to ours, this would take up a big chunk of our weekends and often involved early morning visits.

I found it a bit suffocating to be honest but always felt that it was expected of us, for example my in laws expected that we’d see them Saturday and Sunday mornings.

Anyway since the dc have been playing sport we obviously haven’t had the time for the visits and we get loads of snide remarks about it.

At first we’d get constant early morning phone calls about visiting even though we already said that we were out at sports events now.

Then the comments came about how it’s all too much and how we never have any time, how we are always at sports. Then they’d try to plan things in knowing we wouldn’t be able to do it and saying thinks like “ugh I suppose you’ll be out doing xxx, it’s all you ever do”.

Aibu to think we can do what we like and that visiting relatives doesn’t take precedent over our children’s hobbies.

But dh and I like taking them.

Which is exactly my point. What business is it of anyone’s how dh and I choose to spend our weekends?

My rule has always been that you need to get yourself to any sport or activity

how does that work when you eg live in Devon and an event is in Manchester and you're only 13?

Of course parents have to take them. They might share it with other parents but they still need to do their share.

I'd be asking what's so exciting about my company that people should spend their weekends with me rather than supporting their child's activity? (answer - absolutely nothing).

It isn't. They just don't like it because they are not getting your attention. Which, frankly is rather disappointing for a grown adult.

How on earth is it ridiculous if OP, her husband and her children are all happy to do this?

You wouldn't do it because you think it is ridiculous, but OP and her husband don't think the same way as you and enjoy watching their sons play.

Or if it requires equipment? Much as I would find it entertaining to see my kids strap their 8m long rowing scull to their backs and stride off into the sunset I'm not sure they'd get very far, especially given rowing lakes are few and far between.

Tell me you have no aspirations for your kids without telling me you have no aspirations for your kids 😂

🤣

Some people have differing ideas about parenting I guess. For some, the primary responsibility - which is also a joy - is supporting your kids to fulfil their potential, whatever that is. And many grandparents feel the same I would think. And others … don’t. 🤷‍♀️

Go on op
tell us the back story
clearly you don’t like your in laws
and let me guess… your DH is a wimp around them?

They want to see you every Saturday AND Sunday morning, no thanks! Sport is good for kids, competing is good for kids, and you can see them other times but that doesn’t suit them - you are not being unreasonable.

There isn’t really much of a back story.

I’ve always got on fine with them. I don’t exactly adore them but we’ve never had a cross word.

When the dc were little we did see them every weekend often both days. I did find this quite suffocating and yes dh was always a bit of a wimp. As in it was always a given that we’d see them above all else.

I just don’t like the negative comments about my children playing sports.

It really isn’t up to them to say it’s too much.

Ok

so no back story
and you like them
So why not just say “please can we dial down the barbed comments. We see you when we can and let’s just enjoy that time together”

You have avoided questions about your DH’s response so I’m guessing it’s been… weak

The only concern your relatives should have and is reasonable is to express an opinion about that DC don't prioritise sport over everything else. Which from what you describe, is not the case.

I haven’t avoided questions, we both just ignore them or we say things like “the dc enjoy it”.

I guess though I wasn’t really coming on for advice on how to deal with them, because I just ignore them. Asking them to stop doesn’t work.

I was asking more where dh and I are in the right to prioritise the dc’s sports over visiting family. I’m fairly confident that we are in the right and it’s our business to spend our weekends how we choose,

To add, it’s not just my in laws. One of my siblings had an absolute hissy fit over it and regularly makes jarring comments about how it’s “all we ever do”.

Het both in laws and my sibling are often busy doing their things and hobbies.

But it’s not working
and you’re infuriated
so either you or your husband, their son so I’d presume he’d have said something
beyond that by now!, need to be crystal clear - please enough with barbed comments

I was asking more where dh and I are in the right to prioritise the dc’s sports over visiting family. I’m fairly confident that we are in the right and it’s our business to spend our weekends how we choose,

oh come on. You’re a parent. An adult. Surely, surely you know that you are “right” not to bail on your children’s competitive sport commitment just because the in-laws weren’t getting the precise day they want to see you? Surely!!

@ArachneArachne loling at the idea of my 10 year old getting herself and her pony to training/competitions on weekends!
@Moreminieggs13 tell them to thank their lucky stars your DC aren’t into horses, they’d never see you!

Yes and obviously, which is why we do what we want.

But even so when you have comments sometimes it’s good to get a sanity check.

Thats what aibu is for after all.

Heavens.
Being only “fairly confident”… I think you need to work on this.

Are you just looking for an argument?

🤣🤣🤣 your comment is the most ridiculous on this thread.

I’m still trying to get my head round that poster.

By that logic no child would take up hobbies ever.

I can’t think of a single one that doesn’t require at least some level of effort and commitment from the parents.

Totally batshit. Some of us parents actually enjoy watching our child/ren playing a sport. We love going to football games on a Saturday morning and miss it when it isn't on.

Assuming the kids enjoy it you’re giving them a huge gift - a skill, a friendship group and engaged parents. In a world of screens I am massively pro hobbies. Drown it out and keep going!