Wealthy MIL hoarding money

[hoardingwealth]

MIL is worth a few Million. Lives in a 6 bed, 6 bath mansion. Has multiple cars. Takes several long haul holidays every year, always business class. Lots of investments. Lots and lots of properties that she rents out. She's in very good health and in her mid 70's. Most women in the family live until 95. I'd say she's on track to do the same.

Now here's the rub. She was given a property and a business by her wealthy parents. She also inherited substantially. But she has effectively pulled up the ladder behind her, and has not given any such help to DH or his brother. We are ok for money, however BIL is on the breadline. He has young kids too. They are crammed into a tiny ex-council house and live pay cheque to pay cheque. They have no treats or niceties, no meals out, no holidays etc, as the money just won't stretch.

Obviously when MIL passes, unless she needs care, DH and BIL will receive a very nice inheritance, but if she does indeed live until 95, DH and BIL will be in their early 70's by then.

How would you feel about this? I'm struggling to wrap my head around it, tbh. DH and I have adult children, and we have helped them financially to get on the housing ladder, to get married etc, even though we don't have anything near this kind of wealth.

AIBU to think that MIL should have done the same as her parents did for her, and given DH and BIL a leg up, just like she had?

Has anyone else experienced this?

Agree with this. I've stopped engaging with that poster to be honest.

Oh now that’s such a shame - all your insight wasted 🤣🤣🤣

As others have said, inheritance tax. What a lot of wealthy people do is make regular transfers of money to their children, to reduce the amount of inheritance tax they might otherwise have to pay, and try very hard not to die within 7 years
Just the cost of her house with enough to live on, would probably take her over the limit, even in a.less expensive area ( if in a very expensive area, just think of how much that would sell for. )
I would actually think that if she passed on money to children and grandchildren on a regular basis. She would have enough ready money from the sale of the house to find a deluxe care home for a fair few years
She does obviously have the right to do with her money whatever she wants, but it would be sensible for her to take advice from a financial advisor.
If she was dead against any descendants inheriting she could donate a significant amount to charity instead instead of hoarding it, the government is not as worthy a recipient as some charities are

Did FIL die without a will? I think there are laws around what happens if someone dies intestate
you need to be careful the boyfriend doesn’t get all the money

I agree with you, I’d give the my last penny to my kids, I could never see them struggle like she appears to be doing. Not sure what you can do though!

If only someone had warned Scrooge he would need that goose money for his care.

Make whoopie?

Write to her, OP! Write a letter telling her exactly how unreasonable and unfair she’s being, at least with regards to BIL.
I’ll no doubt get flamed for saying this as I know you morally have no ‘right’ to say it to MIL, but someone needs to! And in your shoes, I’d happily be the one on the shit list if there’s an outside chance it makes her realise how grossly unfair she’s being! You never know, she could end up approaching BIL with some help. It may just be that she’s genuinely never realised how unfair she’s been.

Or, she’s being financially abused (& controlled) by her current partner? (who you’ve said is not as wealthy as her and that she pays for everything?) Just a thought.

How do you propose she does that? The boyfriend won't inherit unless they marry, or unless the MiL writes a will leaving things to him. Both of which are the MiL's decision and nothing to do with the OP.

That said, if you are worried thst she might be taken advantage of @hoardingwealth then maybe your dh and his brother should talk to her about setting up POAs if they've not already done so.

I just can't imagine how selfish you would have to be to not want to help your children. ( unless they had treated her badly or been disrespectful)

Good on her. I always told my nanna and grandad to spend their money instead of saving it. I wish they spent more and enjoyed their life more. My nanna always wanted to go on a cruise and I feel terrible she never got too. Your husband is not entitled to anything until MIL passes away and the Will says he is. It's not his money.

Well my mum was given jewellery by her parents when she was young but she hasn’t handed it on, she’s kept it and she’ll probably pass it to her grandchildren when she dies. But frankly it’s not mine to worry about. Just take responsibility for your own life and crack on.

wealthy parents can actually ruin their children by passing money on too early, so at least she hasn’t done that!

The only reason I think that is crazy is that the tax man will have a field day with everything left over £2m. She may have been very clever hiding inside companies and trusts but labour tightened up on all that. Regardless of the fact she can do 1what she likes, she really would be better to give as much away as she can without impacting her quality of life and future needs.

I would rather see my kids benefit while I am alive, rather than wait till I am dead. In an objective sense I would rather they get the money than let HMRC get a second cut of the same pot of my money.

This is the issue with the UK and why our benefits bills is so high - because of this attitude. You aren’t entitled to her money, it’s hers; you just want it. Same with all the people who want the govt to tax like crazy one person or group of people, to then give it out to them as benefits.

I think this is mad from MIL, why is she not helping her DC and DGC? And what about the boyfriend, any influence there ? Do you think MIL would be behaving differently financially if the BF was not on the scene.

I absolutely agree with you. My lovely mum always put us first. I help my children- give with warm hands.

Unfathomable isn't it? Ebeneezer Scrooge would be so proud of a few posters on here.

No pockets in a shroud and all that.

@Timble · Yesterday 09:29

I’d feel the same as you OP. As a mother I could never imagine living such a luxurious life meanwhile my children are struggling. My own mum would give me her last £10 if I needed it, I don’t understand parents that wouldn’t help if they had the money to do so!

Same here. I find it really depressing that ANYone can think so little of their own children that they would happily leave them in penury whilst they roll around in their millions of pounds. Utterly disgraceful way to treat your own children. Makes me sick to my stomach to be honest. I don't know ANYone in real life who would do this. Then again, I don't have people like this in my life. I am very choosy about who I have in my life.

A 6 bed 6 bath house is likely to cover care costs for some time. If she has a house that size, she has a good pension or good investments. The woman ain’t broke.

My parents are the same, my dad is self made millionaire, apart from a small intimate wedding that was rather cheap, they have paid for nothing for me or helped in anyway since I married, I have also been removed from the will for marrying beneath my family status!!! Im I bothered..no, I told them to spend it all.

There's a lot of personal attack in there based on your bizarre conjecture that I'm a misogynist and that i support the DH actions. I can't be bothered to report the post but i suggest you stay away from unjustified ad hominem attacks on others.

I'm was pointing out that here you have another partner thinking the in-laws should hand over their wealth before they die and, I imagine, would be quite happy to even up the handouts so BIL and they are "treated fairly".

The only significant difference here is that OP thinks her DH should make the argument to his parents rather than her.

Depending on where she lives. In some areas, the house may be worth well under £1M.

I don’t suggest the woman is poor, or very nice. Odds are that she could be doing something to help as most of us would. But OP hasn’t said enough that we can know.

If FIL died without a will then the children are entitled to something.

Thanks @Zov. Good advice. I already came to the same conclusion and stopped engaging.

I’m guessing most people with assists of a few million pounds has a will.