Wealthy MIL hoarding money

[hoardingwealth]

MIL is worth a few Million. Lives in a 6 bed, 6 bath mansion. Has multiple cars. Takes several long haul holidays every year, always business class. Lots of investments. Lots and lots of properties that she rents out. She's in very good health and in her mid 70's. Most women in the family live until 95. I'd say she's on track to do the same.

Now here's the rub. She was given a property and a business by her wealthy parents. She also inherited substantially. But she has effectively pulled up the ladder behind her, and has not given any such help to DH or his brother. We are ok for money, however BIL is on the breadline. He has young kids too. They are crammed into a tiny ex-council house and live pay cheque to pay cheque. They have no treats or niceties, no meals out, no holidays etc, as the money just won't stretch.

Obviously when MIL passes, unless she needs care, DH and BIL will receive a very nice inheritance, but if she does indeed live until 95, DH and BIL will be in their early 70's by then.

How would you feel about this? I'm struggling to wrap my head around it, tbh. DH and I have adult children, and we have helped them financially to get on the housing ladder, to get married etc, even though we don't have anything near this kind of wealth.

AIBU to think that MIL should have done the same as her parents did for her, and given DH and BIL a leg up, just like she had?

Has anyone else experienced this?

From a tax planning POV she would be better gifting someone money now and hope she survives 7 years, otherwise the Gov will be taking a hefty share of inheritance tax...but up to her really.
A shroud has no pockets.

She is going to be long gone by the time the tax is payable. Maybe she sees it as ‘giving back’?

She will, but her estate will attract Inheritance Tax... by gifting assets now she can mitigate some of that and help her children. Up to her but not how I would treat my family if I was that well off.

I’m sure she’s intelligent enough to understand but she’s decided not to do that.

She may or may not leave the balance to her sons. She would be short sighted to do so imo as she may need it for care costs.

For all we know, she doesn’t approve of her sons’ choices in life. Or she might be horrible. But nobody knows.

By looking after them as juveniles and help them get on the property ladder (as my parents did for all 4 of us) you inadvertently help them in middle age.

I agree all the points you made in your last post....my main point is that personally I could not watch my children struggle if I had an overabundance

This is the definition of "juvenile" from the online Cambridge dictionary: " a person who is not old enough to be considered an adult"

Not all of them, some yes, but im a boomer and I'd help my kids if able

Obviously, anyone can spend the money they possess as they wish but it doesn't mean their actions won't indicate what complete selfish cunts they are.

YABU
Let it go. Not your £ , none of your business how others spend THEIR money or live their life . Stop being so bitter, envious, judgemental and entitled. Stop holding your breathe with anticipation,wishing someone to die sooner rather than later, so you can benefit and grab their £.
Do yourself a favour, that’s so unhealthy and just awful attitude. You are very lucky that one day (whenever that will be),all of you in the queue and/or your children stand to enjoy and benefit hugely from her wealth. It sounds as if that’s all you see in the human being that’s your MIL. Not nice.

Absolutely nothing to do with you. If your brother in law has a problem it's his to sort out. End of

Hahaha

It's her money!

She can do as she pleases.. I hope she leaves it all to the cats lol

she could at least has the grandkids for lunch often, buy clothes, send them on holidays

Absolutely!

If you don’t all start being nice, she might find a toyboy who brings her some joy and marry him ! 😂

I think she sounds like a right bitch to leave her son and his family struggling in this economy, when she’s inherited a fortune and swans off on business class holidays. I would not care to spend much time with her.

Got a pic?

If she has millions there will be a lot of inheritance tax to pay. Assuming FiL died and made her his heir, then a £3 million estate could pay £800,000 in tax if she has put no plans in place!!
Gifting now while she can and is young enough for the 7 year rule to work and stop the govt copping the lot

If she doesn't give a shit about her kids now, why would she care about inheritance tax affecting them when she's dead?

Ime this usually happens where the wealthy parents feel they gave the offspring a good start in life, but feel the kids have made poor choices subsequently that have led to them struggling. E.g they maybe don't like:

• choice of partner
• choice of job
• number of kids theyve had
• where they've chosen to live

And do not want to fund DC to make more and more choices they regard as poor.

Im confused about the timing of when she inherited.

So she was given everything & was never poor - but only after DH & BiL reached adulthood, so they grew up with nothing? In which case she presumably had to struggle when her own kids were small. Or did she support herself?

Or did they go to state school but live a relatively comfortable life? I am guessing they had a relatively privileged upbringing but just were sent to state school because there's nothing wrong with state school. Not everyone believes in private education.

Honestly I think this will be that she doesn't think theyve done enough to improve their own situation.

DH is the only person that can raise her finances with her, as it is her money. Is he comfortable doing so, as I would find it hard. Some people are not generous by nature. My own mother has the firm belief that adult children need to stand on their own two feet, and although she is very comfortably off and never worked and inherited herself, she scrimps and saves and she doesn't send her now grown grandchildren l, or great grandchildren a penny on their birthdays and if she hears of their struggles with housing and child care costs, she just says they have to learnt to live within their means. . She regularly talks about giving large sums of money to charities i.e well over £100,000k to ensure no one has any expectations, but has yet to find suitable charities that meets her expectations of not 'wasting' her money. Rightly or wrongly, she lives a fairly lonely existence. I'm glad I'm not like that but then I don't have that much money to spare but I try help out with what I do have, but my mother's money is hers, and I certainly wouldn't tell her how she should spend it..

What is she like as a person? She may not realise how her son is struggling and if you and your dh sat her down and explained the situation, she may be ready and willing to help. On the other hand if she is a selfish, tight-fisted old codger, she may not be persuadable. It’s worth having a try though. Approach the subject gently and ask her if she thinks she could help BIL out.

she may be worried that she won’t have enough money for her own care needs, so you could reassure her. Could BIL and his family come and live in her 6- bedroom mansion with her? Now there’s a thought!