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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ponder legal action for being slapped on the arse

463 replies

IneedAniffler · 18/04/2026 01:49

Very long story short, I work in an unregulated industry as a self-employed contractor. I provide a professional service in what can be quite a high-pressure environment, and I take a lot of pride in what I do.

Today, just before I was due to deliver a service, another person working there (in a separate but related role) slapped me hard on the backside. He clearly thought it was “banter” or playful, but I was completely shocked.

I reacted immediately and told him in no uncertain terms that it was unacceptable and that he must never do anything like that again. He apologised straight away, and the contractor (who works with both of us) also apologised, as did others present.

The issue is that I then had to go straight on and deliver a half-hour professional service as if nothing had happened, and then go straight to another client meeting. I didn’t really have time to process it at all.

Now I’m home, it’s all hit me properly and I feel incredibly upset. I feel violated, embarrassed, angry, and quite shaken. I also feel a bit stupid even writing this, because technically everyone has apologised and it’s “dealt with”, but it doesn’t feel dealt with to me at all.

There’s no HR in this situation as I’m self-employed, and this isn’t a traditional workplace. I’m just trying to work out whether I’m overreacting, and what (if anything) I should do next.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Tamtim · 18/04/2026 01:53

You are absolutely not overreacting. Completely unacceptable behaviour and that person will know it, apologies or not. If you want to take it further, speak to a solicitor. I’m sorry this happened to you.

DysmalRadius · 18/04/2026 01:58

I would write a full account of what happened including everyone who was there, what they said etc so you have a contemporaneous record for yourself for now.

Is there someone who oversees freelancers? A hiring manager or project manager or similar that you could contact? Was the person who slapped you another freelancer or a member of staff?

AnnaQuayRules · 18/04/2026 02:04

You poor thing. That's awful.

You were assaulted and have every right to take it further.

AgnesMcDoo · 18/04/2026 02:09

Report it to the police. It’s assault.

legal action will be costly and lengthy.

airportfloor · 18/04/2026 02:12

I definitely think it's an overreaction to inform the police. But then again I've always accepted shitty behaviour so I'm not sure I'm right.

I suppose it comes down to what outcome you want?

Tiedbutchorestodo · 18/04/2026 02:14

That is horrible for you - not what you expect to happen at work. I think how far I’d take it might depend on your workplace as you’re quite vague in what you do. It absolutely shouldn’t make a difference but I’d probably take it further if you’re (for instance) an IT consultant than if you’re an exotic dancer (not that a dancer should be assaulted or that it makes it ok but I can see it as more understandable how someone might have considered it banter).

I’d want at a minimum assurances from that client that you wouldn’t have to work with that person again and that they would ensure your safety in future

Kimura · 18/04/2026 02:16

Is he self employed? If not, you should report to his employer, and whoever is responsible for the building where you were working.

Legally, what he did would likely be battery and potentially sexual assault. You should report it to the police.

You may have a civil claim for emotional distress, pain & suffering. But unless you suffered an injury, its tough to quantify. Evidence is essential...you should ask any witnesses if they'd be willing to provide a statement ASAP.

Growlybear83 · 18/04/2026 02:20

You made it clear that you were angry and felt this was inappropriate at the time, and apologies were made. I think you’re over reacting to consider taking any further action, and Im not sure what you could do anyway as a self employed contractor, other than not working with the company concerned again.

Kimura · 18/04/2026 02:32

Growlybear83 · 18/04/2026 02:20

You made it clear that you were angry and felt this was inappropriate at the time, and apologies were made. I think you’re over reacting to consider taking any further action, and Im not sure what you could do anyway as a self employed contractor, other than not working with the company concerned again.

It's not overreacting to report potential battery/sexual assault. 'Sorry' doesn't undo what happened.

She could report it to the police, to his employer, and to whoever is responsible for the place of work.

FrauPaige · 18/04/2026 02:49

To understand which path to take, you have to first decide what outcome you would like to achieve.

Is it to have therapy? To never have contact with this individual again? To have this individual fired? To receive financial compensation? A criminal investigation?

Itiswhysofew · 18/04/2026 02:52

What on earth possessed him to do that!! Unbelievable and absolutely shocking. That's sexual assault. You can report any physical harm/assault to the police.Flowers

Quokka99 · 18/04/2026 03:00

I don't think you're being unreasonable. Do you know other women who perform a similar role to you and may have encountered this person? Just wondering if it might be worth reaching out to them tomorrow, as they might have experienced the same and be willing to support you and come forwards? It probably isn't the first time this man had behaved in this way.

Villanousvillans · 18/04/2026 03:11

You should definitely report this to the police. This man assaulted you. You are not over reacting. I’m so sthis happened to you. 💐

Monty27 · 18/04/2026 03:28

@IneedAniffler you have my support. Unwanted and infuriating that some people failed to exhibit social skills and are clearly depraved of manners.
Speak it loud 📢

sashh · 18/04/2026 03:44

I thought we had left bum smacking in the 1980s.

Yes go to the police. They will probably not do more than have a word with him but he might realise it is totally inappropriate.

AbzMoz · 18/04/2026 03:44

This is horrible and I hope you are ok.

your issue is two fold - 1) the initial act, and 2) the lack of support or intervention by the ‘witnesses’. 1) may be a criminal action you might prefer to report to the police, and
2) Maybe further action against the company for failing to provide a safe environment for you to conduct your contracted duties. ACAS might be a good place to start.

I would stick to my own case and would not engage witnesses or other potential victims til I have my own ducks in order

ForCosyLion · 18/04/2026 03:48

sashh · 18/04/2026 03:44

I thought we had left bum smacking in the 1980s.

Yes go to the police. They will probably not do more than have a word with him but he might realise it is totally inappropriate.

I did, too!

OP, you said he hit you hard. If it left a bruise, photograph it. I think I would speak to the police and see what they advise.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. There is NO excuse.

TheSandgroper · 18/04/2026 03:56

If you are a member of a professional association, ask for a referral to a HR consultant.

If you have insurance that includes legal access, ask some questions there.

Do you know a decent HR person? An informal chat over a drink might be informative in guiding you.

I think getting your notes down and then looking for advice that shows you what the end point may look like would be the most useful. Only then can you decide if what you will end up with is worth the effort of getting there. Remember, the process is often the punishment. Will it be a punishment for you, him, both?

Aabbcc1235 · 18/04/2026 04:34

I’m also self employed and this sort of thing is quite tricky.

If this is a regular client and he is involved in the work which you do, either as an employee or a contractor, i think that it would be reasonable to contact the client, explain what happened, and ask for support in ensuring that you don’t need to work with him again.

If this is a one-off client and he is an employee, I would just not go back to that client.

I personally would steer away from legal or police, as I would be worried that it would affect future work. However that’s a really personal choice and I think that you would be within your rights to report to police. Highly likely that if you do then you find that this is not the first time!

HelmholtzWatson · 18/04/2026 04:37

FrauPaige · 18/04/2026 02:49

To understand which path to take, you have to first decide what outcome you would like to achieve.

Is it to have therapy? To never have contact with this individual again? To have this individual fired? To receive financial compensation? A criminal investigation?

Yeah, this.

BootMaker · 18/04/2026 04:45

I think it's dealt with isn't it?

A simple; 'Don't fucking touch me'

Suffices?

BootMaker · 18/04/2026 04:52

Tamtim · 18/04/2026 01:53

You are absolutely not overreacting. Completely unacceptable behaviour and that person will know it, apologies or not. If you want to take it further, speak to a solicitor. I’m sorry this happened to you.

Why would one, get legal spend loads of money & get embroiled when a simple 'fuck off' would do?

A slap on the arse is not ok, but, jeysus, if that's the worst thing that's ever happened to you, you're doing OK.

Do not get legal about this. Do not make some dickehead's idiocy the thing you spend the next two years on.

Finality · 18/04/2026 04:55

If someone walked up and slapped you, hard, in the face it would be outrageous. And you wouldn’t be told you’re overreacting.

Why on earth is it glossed over with just an apology when it’s a slap somewhere else on the body, and a sexualised body part at that? Wtaf?

mjf981 · 18/04/2026 04:58

You're right to be pissed off. I'd contact him and say how it affected you and that you're pissed off about it and to make sure he never ever does it again. Then I'd move on with my life.

For those in the know - what would happen if you did contact the police? Would they actually follow this up and contact the twerp or just file it away and forget about it?

BitzerMalonie · 18/04/2026 05:17

mjf981 · 18/04/2026 04:58

You're right to be pissed off. I'd contact him and say how it affected you and that you're pissed off about it and to make sure he never ever does it again. Then I'd move on with my life.

For those in the know - what would happen if you did contact the police? Would they actually follow this up and contact the twerp or just file it away and forget about it?

He would be interviewed and the outcome would depend on whether he admits his behaviour combined with his past criminal history.
If admitted and no previous he would be eligible for an out of court disposal-old style caution on his record.
If not admitted/ineligible for OOCD then other witnesses would be spoken to and potential court appearance would follow.